I don’t like Christmas, but I love what it brings to me. I love seeing the look in a child’s eyes when they get that thing they’ve been waiting for, and the sad, disappointed or angry look that they get when they realize that Santa just fucked them over…again. I love that my family always makes plans to get together, and that everyone is nice to me. I love smearing fake blood all over the roof and siding, and then throwing some deer hooves around on the ground. That way, when I shoot the shotgun off in the night, it seems all the more scarier when they see the carnage in the morning. I love the way my baby wakes me up gently by whispering “Merry Christmas” in my ear, and even though I don’t like the commercialized version of Christmas, I can’t deny the spirit that’s in the air at this time of year. I love that there are so many different cultures, celebrating so many different occasions, and I love that the liberals are stealing Christmas, by acknowledging that everyone isn’t a Christian, and might have other beliefs. Most of all, I love being with my family, and you, my friends, just to celebrate that we are alive, and that we all, at one point or another, love each other. To me, that’s the greatest thing about the holiday season, so grab someone that’s close to you, and give them a hug… unless you are on the bus, or an elevator, maybe then you could just offer your hand in friendship, and wish them a lovely winter holiday of their choosing. It shouldn’t matter what their beliefs are as long as it isn’t hurting anyone, because deep down, we all know that religion is bullshit, and humanity will prevail in the end. I know, I know, I had to throw that in there; I’m still an asshole, and no fucking holiday is going to change that.
Imagine all the people living life in peace,