Of course I don’t mean that I’m actually on the fence with Christ, and I don’t mean I’m on the fence with a Spaniard named Jesus either. I just don’t know where to stand on the issue of Christianity. I’m okay with not worrying about going to heaven or hell, but I do wonder what I should say when the girls ask me about it though. I guess I could just go with my old stand by, and give them an “I don’t really know”, or “It’s hard to tell”, but they’re pretty smart when it comes to reading me, so that probably won’t be enough. I know they go to church once in a while, and they seem to like it alright, so who am I to voice my opinion on the subject? On the other hand, shouldn’t they have another perspective on it? I don’t really have a view, but if I had to pick, I’d guess that there is no God, but people should still believe that there is, so we don’t go crazy and start raping and killing each other. I always wanted to believe in God as a wee lad, but after reading as much of the First Testament as I could stand, I decided that God wasn’t for me. Whether
he’s it’s real or not, I’ll probably never know, but I know for sure that I wouldn’t like them.
There’s too much vindictive aggression with God. I don’t even know why he ordered the slaughter of the Canaanites, but order it he did, as proven here in Joshua 11:6-15. (As if I really used the words “proven” and “bible” in the same sentence.)
And the Lord said to Joshua, “Do not be afraid of them, for tomorrow at this time I will give over all of them, slain, to Israel. You shall hamstring their horses and burn their chariots with fire.” 7 So Joshua and all his warriors came suddenly against them by the waters of Merom and fell upon them. 8 And the Lord gave them into the hand of Israel, who struck them and chased them … until he left none remaining. 9 And Joshua did to them just as the Lord said to him: he hamstrung their horses and burned their chariots with fire … And they struck with the sword all who were in [Hazor], devoting them to destruction; there was none left that breathed. And he burned Hazor with fire. … And all the spoil of these cities and the livestock, the people of Israel took for their plunder. But every man they struck with the edge of the sword until they had destroyed them, and they did not leave any who breathed. 15 Just as the Lord had commanded Moses his servant, so Moses commanded Joshua, and so Joshua did. He left nothing undone of all that the Lord had commanded Moses.
(I’d like to point out that Canaan had women and children in it; children who could not have been corrupt and sinful yet. Also, what did the horses ever do to deserve a hamstringing?)
Like really? You have nothing better to do than exert your dominance over the world by waging war? Whatever, loser. See how far you get with that attitude. We teach our kids that bullying is a horrible thing to do, and it is, but then they are taught in the bible that it’s okay to bully, as long as you are doing it for the lord. Kind of mixed signals, don’t you think? We then wonder why so many wars are fought over religion, but if you play the religion card, the majority will support you. I’m pretty sure that the bible condones the use of force against the non-believers, so how can you dispute that? It says right there that you must lay waste to anyone who doesn’t take God as their lord. Kind of hard to argue if you’re a good Christian. (I don’t think it really says that, but sometimes I like to go on a tangent, so it will stay there.)
I may not believe in God, but I think that Jesus might have existed. I know what you’re thinking. How is that possible? Jesus was the son of God, so if he existed, God must exist, right? Not necessarily. I think that Mary probably got knocked up by some dude, and didn’t know how to explain it to her husband, so she made up a little fib. We all know that back then, you could use God as an excuse for anything, so why couldn’t Mary? I’ll bet that old Joseph was getting a little suspicious of Mary’s mood swings, and morning sickness, and she knew she was close to getting caught. She was going to ‘fess up… but wait. Remember that dude who stood by the well and told a little hottie that God wanted her to marry him? Why couldn’t that work for this? I’ll tell Jojo that God came in the night, and put a baby in my belly, and I’ll get him all liquored up on wine, so he’ll believe he saw it happen or something. This may work out all right. I sure as hell don’t want to be a single mother in Bethlehem in this day and age. Those fuckers will stone the shit outta me.
Of course I’m speculating, because I wasn’t there. I imagine that it went something like that, and then out came Jesus. A boychild, born of the Lord, and a slut mother. She would have to keep up the charade, because Jojo told everyone that he was a surrogate father to the son of God. Now, I can’t explain all of the miracles, except to say that the wine was more potent, and the disciples liked to fuck with people.
This may have been something that was overheard back then.
“Hey Michael, give me another drink.”
“Get your own flask, I’m tired of you always mooching mine. Shit, did Jesus just walk on water?”
“No, it’s a bunch of stones, but let’s tell everyone he did. Tee hee hee.”
“Damn, you crack me up Pete. Okay, you can have another pull. Who should we tell first?”
“Haha, thanks man. You know, I fucking love you Mike. Like a brother dude.”
That’s just one of my perspectives, and yes, I do have several. You don’t get to be this open-minded by thinking inside the box. Unless it’s a box of beer. 🙂
Someone’s crying, my Lord, Kumbaya,