I’m A Bit Of A Cowboy

mindofbirdman

So we got up on Monday morning and blew off TPIR. The hassle of it wasn’t worth going for, because we weren’t even guaranteed a seat, and unless you win cash, you are probably stuck paying tax on some crappy prize that they inflate the price for. Yes, I researched it. A lot of people just leave their prizes there. We decided that our one day in LA shouldn’t be wasted by sitting in an audience watching Drew Carey.

So we went to the Sunset Ranch at 3400 N. Beachwood Dr. in the Hollywood Hills. It’s right up by the Hollywood sign. The horse ride doesn’t go there, but it does take you near it, and that’s good enough for us. We aren’t showing you the whole ranch, because it’s just so cool the way it’s carved into the mountainside, that we want you to have an excuse to go there. I think my favourite part was the guy with the goats that lived up above the crowd. It really is something to see, especially when you are used to houses and buildings being built on the flat.

If Six was here, he'd get one named Wildfire

If Six were here, he’d get one named Wildfire

We got weighed in, (scale was waaaay off, I hope) and helmeted up, and then Jason wrangled up the steeds, got us all learned up on the basics, assigned us our horses and then sent us off with Cassandra, our guide. I got Neptune, who Cassandra said was a bit spunky. He did rear up once, when something spooked all of the horses, and he was a bit skittish with the coyotes calling through the valley, but all in all, he was a pretty mellow dude.

He wasn't afraid of anyone at all, but Blue wasn't with us. Things would be different then.

He wasn’t afraid of anyone at all, but Blue wasn’t with us. Things would have been different if he was.

Mrs. Birdman was one-handing that big lug of a camera that she uses while on the move, so there might be some blurry shots, but you’ll get the overall picture.

Look at the way I survey my surroundings. I'm noting any dangers, like rattlesnakes, scorpions, bushwhackers, etc...

Look at the way I survey my surroundings. I’m noting any dangers, like rattlesnakes, scorpions, bushwhackers, etc…

Nobody even offered us a drink of whiskey. Some saloon. Maybe it is supposed to say "Salon".

Some saloon this is, nobody even offered us a drink of whiskey. Maybe it’s supposed to say “Salon”.

Once we got all oriented and shit, we were off like a turd of hertles.

The path to the left is where we go. DO NOT drive your car up there.

The path to the left is where we go. DO NOT drive your car up there. (You want to though.)

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Mrs. B wasn't a huge fan of walking so close to the edge. Unfortunately the horses were.

Mrs. B wasn’t a huge fan of walking so close to the edge. Unfortunately the horses were.

It’s true that the horses walked right along the edge of the downward slope. They say it is because they want to keep an eye out for predators, and that makes sense to me, so I won’t question it. They walked single file and were much more sure of themselves than we were.

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Giddyup, Neptune. Today we ride.

Giddyup, Neptune. Today we ride.

Cassandra said that Neptune liked to pass the other horses, but by the end of the ride he had inhaled some of my laziness and started to lag behind. At one point I thought he was going to stop and roll a fatty, but then I remembered that horses don’t have fingers, so he would have to use a pipe or a bong.

"Wait up, guys. Come on, please wait up for me."

“Wait up, guys.”  It’s blurry because we were running so fast.

I could have hit it with a slingshot

I could have hit it with a slingshot

It looks close, but it was a 40 minute hike to get there from the parking area. We decided that walking was for peasants and locals.

The guide gets to ride wherever she wants.

The guide gets to ride wherever she wants.

It looks bigger from the road

It looks bigger from the road

Neptune gets pretty hangry.

Neptune gets pretty hangry.

This one didn't show my gut as much.

This one didn’t show my gut as much.

Yay, we made it.

Yay, we made it.

In the end, we thought that this and cruising around Hollywood was a better use of a beautiful sunny morning, than sitting in a studio, surrounded by assholes, and hoping to hear “BIRDMAN, COME ON DOWN”. I do have to admit that I have always dreamed of getting on that show since I was a kid, and if we were guaranteed a seat, I probably would have went.

There’s a certain vibe that I’ve always had in California, and I imagine it’s the reason so many people are drawn there. I suppose it’s the laidback attitude that I love. I know it’s not in everyone there, some folks are zipping all around, but it’s definitely in the real people. The ones that I talk to. The ones that I like. I think Mrs. B got that feeling as well, but she’s always laid back anyhow, so it’s hard to tell.

Next stop, Malibu. Click that for the next part of our journey.

She stood there bright as the sun on that California coast,

Birdman

P.S. If you are thinking about doing the horses at Sunset Ranch, take an extra few bucks for your guide. They get paid by tips, and it’s still quite affordable, depending on which package you do. We went for an hour for $40 each and left a $20 tip. $100 for two of us to do something that cool was pretty cheap, I’d say.

They are pretty active on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/SunsetHollywood, so if you have a question, you can go ask them there as well.

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