I used the “C” word a lot today

I’m just letting you know that with the mood I’m in, I just might use it in this post as well. If you don’t like that particular word, or other expletives, I suggest that you switch over to Farmville (if that still exists). As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, I don’t think that there should be such a thing as swearing. They are only words. I use all of those “bad” words, plus the ones I’ve made up, everyday. The reason I don’t write with all of the colourful language I speak with, is out of respect for you, the readers. I don’t know which of you can handle coarse, and sometimes vile, language. The only reason I swear at all in my posts, is to show you that I’m still me, and other than the respect thing, I’d be saying motherfucker, all the time. I could write every post without swearing, blaspheming, and taking the name of Walmart in vain, and I’d probably have more people reading the blog, but that wouldn’t be me. When I see an old friend for the first time in years, I don’t say “Hello _________. It’s been a mighty long time since we last saw each other.” No, I say, “Holy shit. How the fuck are you? It’s been a lot of years, you old salad tosser.”  because that’s how I talk.

See? Look how happy that makes her

Anyhow, back to my day. I am working with a little sneaky fucker, that can’t own up and take the heat for things he’s done wrong. I know he tried to pull a fast one on me today, and because I’m trying hard to be non-violent, and plus, I’ll get fired, I am not going to punch this weasely prick in his teeth. Today, he tried to pull one over to keep himself out of hot water, and he thinks that I don’t know what he did. Oh, I forgot to mention that he thinks that everyone is far less intelligent than him, so no one could possibly catch him doing things he’s not supposed to do. You see, this is where I used the “C” word a bunch of times, and I want to use it now, but seeing as 70% of you reading this are women, I’m going to try to refrain. I could use every other filthy word I know, just to not say that word at all. There, I’ve worked through my anger, and all is well with my chi now. I did warn the Chin dog to watch his back though, as he’s on night shift, and I wouldn’t put it past this guy to try and pin something on them.

The thing I love, is that he is probably reading this right now, and realizing that he’s been caught. What do you do? Do you come out and ask if it’s you that I’m writing about, or pretend you didn’t read it? Ah well, who gives a shit, really? I believe that whatever’s gonna happen, will happen, and if I get canned, he gets canned, or we all get canned, it was meant to be. I just hope I don’t get canned for at least a few more days, because I need the dough, motherfucker. See how I threw that in there? (Maybe I’m just buttering you up to lay the big stuff on you later.) I actually think some of you want me to say it. You do, don’t you? Oh, I don’t know, there’s really no point now. As much as I like pointless vulgarities, I can’t predict what you folks like, and that is the bane of my existence. I never know what other people want. Well, except for Mrs. Birdman; I always know what she wants. She wants me to rub her back, while we are laying in the cocoon, adoring each other, not caring about anything else, except being happy.

Damn, I sure do miss that woman. Five more days, and I’ll be squeezing the shit out of her at the airport, not wanting to let her go. Maybe Chin could drive home, and we can cocoon in the back of the van for an hour or so, until we get to Port Hope, anyhow. I’m sure that he wouldn’t mind, because that’s what he’s here for. That’s a very funny thing that he does. After he does something for me and I thank him, he says “No problem. That’s what I’m here for.” and I laugh. I liked it better when Chin and I were on the same shift, because you know you are working with someone who’s competent, and most of all, you can trust him. That’s huge in my books. Yeah, lots of people are fun, funny, intelligent etc… But if you can’t trust someone, there’s nothing more than an acquaintance there. Ah well, at least I know that he’s taking care of the Sterling for me. I know it will never be as good as Carl’s Sterling, but it gets the job done, and always limps it’s ass home at the end of it. Thanks Chin, and sorry if you can’t get that smell out of the seat, it was the chili.

I hope that the cocoon still feels as good as my distant memories say it does. I hope they aren’t glorifying the cocoon, like they do with the fights I had in high school. You know, when you grabbed that huge guy, and punched him four times, then as he was falling, you kneed him in the face, and it was so fast that no one even saw it happen? That’s my distant memory. Video footage would prove, that I in fact tripped a grade nine girl, and kicked her while she lay on the floor crying. All of a sudden, I’m a “monster”, and no one wants to date me. Whatever, I remember that I used to get laid all the time by this hot Polish chick, that was a swimsuit model, and was also a competing gymnast. The reality of it, was that I almost got a handjob by an okay looking girl from Oshawa, that was staying at a cottage near our place, and hadn’t washed her hair in a week. Hey, beggars can’t be choosers. I should have sneaked some video to help remind me of how good the cocoon really is, but that’s not a nice thing to do to a person. I had originally typed snuck in there, but it shows as a spelling mistake; maybe there is no such word as snuck. Yes, I just checked, and it is a word in the dictionary.

Anyhow, be good to one another, and if you make a mistake at work or elsewhere, don’t be a douche, and leave someone else hanging. Man or woman up, and take your lumps. You may get away with that shit sometimes, but paybacks a bitch, and no one likes a sneaky little fink. Just so you know, I had put the “C” word in, but changed it to douche. Does that mean I’ve sold out? Maybe I’ve just grown up a little.

So I robbed banks, and I robbed trains; I lost one eye in a poker game; gave up gambling ’cause such a shame, to cheat your friends and neighbours,

Birdman

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7 thoughts on “I used the “C” word a lot today

  1. Oh how I love you, baby. 5 more days and I am going to love you until you are weak with joy. I’m so sorry that weasel is being a ‘C’. I hope that karma takes care of his ass. Love you too, Chin. Watch out for that snake, and I’ll see you both in a few days.

  2. Aahhhhhh, you’re a kindred spirit Birdman!

    Here’s a couple of tips from the ol’ Pole. Dick is a short form for Richard, right? Start calling that weasel Richard. And then there is the ever popular “C” word. It’s actualy an acronym for “Cee U Next Tuesday”

    Oh ya, if the slimy shithead is reading, you really don’t fool anyone. Everybody can and will see right through your incompetence. Richard.

  3. Sneaky little c*#ts deserve to be called out and called whatever name you see fit.
    You see, this little c*#t has put you into a defensive, reactionary mode = therefore his fault and that’s why he’s a sneaky little c*#t.
    Swear away as I’m sure people have BACK buttons on their browsers.
    I know my browser has a Bookmark button and your blog is under it in a folder labeled favorites > sub folder called ‘ Keeping it real ‘
    This is found right below my bookmark folder for transvestite midget porn/Jay Sharp jokes.
    Keep writing and living as you are doing.
    Keep it real.
    Soon as you start to alter your life because of weaselly little c*#ts like the one mentioned above, the weaselly little c*#t wins and when he wins, you, in turn, turn into a weaselly little c*#t for not being yourself.

    Wow. I made it through this response without saying the c – word either.
    I must be growing up too.

    Naw, fuck it.

    Did I ever mention that I have man-love for Gordon Ramsay and that I have met him in person?

    • Thanks be to you, Brad Rose. In more than one way, we are alike. I have decided that I am going to refrain from swearing until right fucking now. You are a bit of a hero to me, and I appreciate the fact that you enjoy this little passion project of mine. Happy Holidays to you, and maybe we can grab an organic beer when I get back.

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