I am relinquishing this post to Sebastard, Mrs. Birdman, and Scooter. I will now write what they tell me.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the winter of our discontent.
She’s about to blow.
Scratch that from the record.
Glub, glub, glub, glub, glub, glub
You know what? I feel like I’m drinking the greatest drink ever.
Courteney Cox isn’t 40.
Dirty old whore
She’s 48 in a couple of months.
This has got to continue.
The rez is happening. Crazy.
Perhaps I shall retire.
Are you staying over night?
I may take ten minutes to masturbate.
Are you on plenty of fish?
I look at it once in awhile.
What’s a gargoyle?
It’s a big cement thing that sits on top of buildings and scare people.
Do you watch America’s next top model?
It’s the name of the game.
Her lip always ends up where they can’t do anything with.
Some of them are just such douchebags.
I was telling this to a friend of mine.
And you’re touching this baby like it’s playdough.
It’s fascinating to me.
I did not do any playdough with this baby.
I could pretend I was catching her.
Can I see a gargoyle.
Who knew he was so sensitive, or I was so unimaginative?
I want to see, because I want to see what you think is a gargoyle.
There is a plenty of fish app.
It’s so slow, it reminds me of the old days of the internet.
If that woman is a day under 55, I am sadly mistaken.
He’s in the gay section.
The guy on his profile pics, laying on his belly with his guns and shit, in his thong. That’s sexy.
Is there something in particular that you wanted to discuss?
Oh, it’s a woman.
No, she’s a nice woman.
Oh the first one, I don’t know.
These are the ones that want to meet me.
Joe, are you making this up?
She looked nice.
They’re getting better.
Oh yeah, she loves herself.
I know, I want to see them.
Oh, she looks real young too.
This is what we should have taped.
I fucking know that girl.
She likes my smile on my profile and wants to meet.
She’s got crazy eyes.
As you can see when I smile, it’s kind of crooked.
Ah, he’s got woman all over him.
That one thinks she’s something special.
Did you like number three at all?
I fucking know those eyes, they’re crazy eyes. I’ve seen those eyes coming at me down the hall with a hammer.
She was shady.
How old did she say she was?
How old was she?
She makes us think that she might have been right in light.
I raise my hands up like Evita.
I don’t think you should publish that.
How do you spell a fart?
I’m going to whisper this one, so it doesn’t make it on to the record.
I know, I possibly peed a little.
I have icicle fingers and hot cheeks, when I put them together, they’re neutral.
I finally had to give up trying to follow this conversation, because I type three words a minute, so was unable to catch all of it. I just typed a sentence and when I was done, I started typing the next sentence. You will probably never know the context in which these words were said, unless you were here, but those of us that were, may have no memory of what was said.
I will follow up tomorrow with something real. Maybe.
Spent my days with a woman unkind, smoked my stuff and drank, all my wine,