I know I can.
I’m opinionated, I think my shit doesn’t stink, and I figure that I’m so evolved that there is no way that anyone does things right unless they are doing it my way. Don’t kid yourself when you read my sappy posts, there is a complete asshole inside of me.
Now that we have established that I’m an asshole, I need to say that if my dog bit a neighbourhood kid, I would do everything in my power to make amends for said biting. If it was severe enough (caused bodily harm), I would put the dog down.
Hey, I’m not saying it’s the dog’s fault, I’m just saying that if the dog is biting neighbourhood kids, there is obviously a problem, and seeing as I’m an asshole, the dog has got to go. Sad fact of life, but if I have to make the choice between my poorly raised dog or a child, I’m going to side with the tiny human. I have to.
Lately I’ve been having trouble sleeping. I’ve been having horrible dreams. I wake up shortly after going to sleep, and then it’s pretty sporadic from then on in. The dreams I’ve been having involve me killing Golden Retrievers and other assorted large breed dogs. Oh, I should mention that every one of them died because I crushed it’s throat and choked it to death. Slowly.
For those who know me, you know that I love dogs. I love cats too, but a cat didn’t bite one of the girls ear off, therefore this story isn’t about them. It’s safe to say that I’m an animal lover in general, but I love some animals gently braised over some briquettes and hickory chips. Before the incident, I had never wanted to even punch a Golden Retriever out, let alone go on a throat crushing binge.
Things change in a person I guess.
I think it is a protective instinct that does this to me. I see the wild, assessing eyes on her whenever she sees a bunch of big dogs around. Even one is enough to make her point out that there is a dog there. I was afraid that we were going to have to get rid of Blue for a while, but she seems to be okay with him. I saw her hugging him yesterday, and I couldn’t help but tear up and walk away. I’m so glad that she understands that he would never want to hurt her.
This brings me to another dilemma.
Blue has been getting disciplined a lot harder lately, and I feel awful about it. When he jumps up at kids, I am maybe rougher than I need to be when I pin him to the ground. He doesn’t mean anything by it, he just loves people and gets a bit too excited to see them when they walk in the door. We have been working on it, but he is a hound, and maybe doesn’t have the greatest attention span.
My question is this: How do I curb my protective instincts, and not be always running interference for her whenever there is a rambunctious dog around?
Am I supposed to show her how to defend herself against a dog? I’ve been attacked by several dogs over the past forty years, and I know that I could have killed several of them, had I wanted to. Do I show her how? Do I arm her with a jackknife and the knowledge of how to use it under pressure? Fuck. I don’t want to create a little dog assassin. Do I?
I don’t know how to explain that any dog can turn on you at any time, but that you shouldn’t be afraid of all dogs. How do you tell a kid that has been obviously scarred, both physically and emotionally, by a usually lovable breed, that that was a one in a hundred dog, and that most of the time Golden Retrievers will be just playful and rowdy?
Fuck it. I’m getting her a taser.
Just tase away, Sweetheart. Sooner or later Blue, and all other dogs will know to stay the hell away from you. We’ll get you a tooth and claw-less Poodle, and it will be the only dog allowed near you until you are seventeen, and can properly defend yourself without weapons.
I don’t know. Maybe therapy is the way to go. For her, not me. I’ll be alright as soon as I kill a few more dogs in my dreams, because that’s how I work, bitches.
Hey, bird dog get away from my quail Hey, bird dog you’re on the wrong trail,
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