I’m not trying to seem ungrateful for all that I have, but since I haven’t been working, I’ve been pretty down. Not so down that I’m going to pump exhaust into van, while I sit in the driveway, but just a little melancholy. Actually, I’d gas myself at Walmart if I was going to do it. I’d leave a note saying that Walmart is the reason for all of my misery, and then I’d put the hose in my mouth.
Naw, I could never do that. Hell, I would never want to. I can honestly say that with all of the bouts with depression I’ve had in my life, I have never even entertained the thought of suicide, until I read “A Teen’s Brave Response”. I’m not even going to post the link to it, because that’s how much I don’t want that douche to get anymore traffic than he already gets. Oh, and I was just kidding about the suicide. I really would never do that. I think that unless you are mentally or terminally ill, that is a total coward’s way out.
Alrighty then, let’s get off of the doom and gloom, and analyze my depression. I’m not working, and I need to work. I hate being without at least a part time job, but the only thing I could get close to home is three hours a day at the Ultramar gas station. That wouldn’t be too bad, except the three hours are from 9PM until midnight every day. Not really good hours for me, but it’s a super easy job. I guess someone will come along that fits the job to a T, but unfortunately, that’s not me. I guess that if I’m meant to do something, it will just happen. That’s what the spiritual folks say, anyhow. Until then, I’ll keep working on my passion project of bringing the blogs to Google+, and trying to get as many people as I can, converted over to there.
It’s really a great forum for anything that you’re passionate about. The sharing is far and away, better than Facebook, and your friends don’t matter. You don’t circle people because you like them, you do it because you like what they share. I share blogs. Lots of them. If people don’t like that, they can uncircle me, or just dial me back. I don’t get offended by it. Not everyone likes funny, creative blogs as much as I do. I wish I could have a job that’s just reading and sharing things all day. Actually, I would take anything right now. Well, except Walmart…and trucking.
I went to bed last night without finishing the blog. For whatever reason I feel guilty, but not guilty enough to sit up all night doing it. I just said “Fuck it”, and snuggled in with my favourite lady for the night. I got six hours sleep, so I guess it was worth it. That’s more than I’ve been getting lately, because my mind is worrying all of the time. It’s just about work though, everything else is good. I just can’t concentrate on things, and that means that the blog may not get out by 6AM each day. I guess that doesn’t matter too much; no one really reads that early, according to stats, unless I share it to Facebook.
Speaking of stats, I haven’t been paying as much attention lately. It may have something to do with being depressed, but I hope it’s that I’m starting to not care about how many readers I have, and why the numbers always stay the same. I just don’t think it matters, but in the back of my head I always wonder why they don’t progress. Is it because I’m too offensive, too irreverent, or just not entertaining? I don’t know really, but I entertain the shit out of myself, so that can’t be it, can it? I guess it’s just one of those things where you secretly want everyone to put their face in their hands and scream out for all to hear:
“OH MY FUCK! THIS IS THE GREATEST THING I’VE EVER READ. HOW CAN ONE PERSON PERFECTLY ENCOMPASS ALL OF MY FEELINGS AND PUT THEM INTO WORDS?”
That, as you may know, is not how you fuckers react to reading these posts. Well I assume that you don’t (please say that you do), because I never see you read it. Other than a select few that take the time to comment(thank you so much), how would I ever know?
I really hate it when I get like this, but there isn’t much I can do about it. I’m a manic depressive, that craves attention, but likes to brood about how little attention he gets. I will sit around here reading every blog I can find, and sharing it with the ninety or so people that have added me to their circles on G+. I will then jump excitedly when I see that someone I don’t know added me, and I will sit and stare at the little box that says “0”, and wait for it to turn red and see that little “1” pop up. Right on, there it is. I click on it.
Brazil de CYesterday 21:17