Down In The Dumps

I’m not trying to seem ungrateful for all that I have, but since I haven’t been working, I’ve been pretty down. Not so down that I’m going to pump exhaust into van, while I sit in the driveway, but just a little melancholy. Actually, I’d gas myself at Walmart if I was going to do it. I’d leave a note saying that Walmart is the reason for all of my misery, and then I’d put the hose in my mouth.

Naw, I could never do that. Hell, I would never want to. I can honestly say that with all of the bouts with depression I’ve had in my life, I have never even entertained the thought of suicide, until I read “A Teen’s Brave Response”. I’m not even going to post the link to it, because that’s how much I don’t want that douche to get anymore traffic than he already gets. Oh, and I was just kidding about the suicide. I really would never do that. I think that unless you are mentally or terminally ill, that is a total coward’s way out.

Alrighty then, let’s get off of the doom and gloom, and analyze my depression. I’m not working, and I need to work. I hate being without at least a part time job, but the only thing I could get close to home is three hours a day at the Ultramar gas station. That wouldn’t be too bad, except the three hours are from 9PM until midnight every day. Not really good hours for me, but it’s a super easy job. I guess someone will come along that fits the job to a T, but unfortunately, that’s not me. I guess that if I’m meant to do something, it will just happen. That’s what the spiritual folks say, anyhow. Until then, I’ll keep working on my passion project of bringing the blogs to Google+, and trying to get as many people as I can, converted over to there.

It’s really a great forum for anything that you’re passionate about. The sharing is far and away, better than Facebook, and your friends don’t matter. You don’t circle people because you like them, you do it because you like what they share. I share blogs. Lots of them. If people don’t like that, they can uncircle me, or just dial me back. I don’t get offended by it. Not everyone likes funny, creative blogs as much as I do. I wish I could have a job that’s just reading and sharing things all day. Actually, I would take anything right now. Well, except Walmart…and trucking.

I went to bed last night without finishing the blog. For whatever reason I feel guilty, but not guilty enough to sit up all night doing it. I just said “Fuck it”, and snuggled in with my favourite lady for the night. I got six hours sleep, so I guess it was worth it. That’s more than I’ve been getting lately, because my mind is worrying all of the time. It’s just about work though, everything else is good. I just can’t concentrate on things, and that means that the blog may not get out by 6AM each day. I guess that doesn’t matter too much; no one really reads that early, according to stats, unless I share it to Facebook.

Speaking of stats, I haven’t been paying as much attention lately. It may have something to do with being depressed, but I hope it’s that I’m starting to not care about how many readers I have, and why the numbers always stay the same. I just don’t think it matters, but in the back of my head I always wonder why they don’t progress. Is it because I’m too offensive, too irreverent, or just not entertaining? I don’t know really, but I entertain the shit out of myself, so that can’t be it, can it? I guess it’s just one of those things where you secretly want everyone to put their face in their hands and scream out for all to hear:

Maybe not so shocked as this, but you get the picture

“OH MY FUCK! THIS IS THE GREATEST THING I’VE EVER READ. HOW CAN ONE PERSON PERFECTLY ENCOMPASS ALL OF MY FEELINGS AND PUT THEM INTO WORDS?”

That, as you may know, is not how you fuckers react to reading these posts. Well I assume that you don’t (please say that you do), because I never see you read it. Other than a select few that take the time to comment(thank you so much), how would I ever know?

I really hate it when I get like this, but there isn’t much I can do about it. I’m a manic depressive, that craves attention, but likes to brood about how little attention he gets. I will sit around here reading every blog I can find, and sharing it with the ninety or so people that have added me to their circles on G+. I will then jump excitedly when I see that someone I don’t know added me, and I will sit and stare at the little box that says “0”, and wait for it to turn red and see that little “1” pop up. Right on, there it is. I click on it.

Brazil de CYesterday 21:17

love this blog hahaha…
YES!!! Confirmation that someone likes it. Because of me, someone read Ash-matic’s most recent blog post, and loved it. that makes me feel good, and I hope it makes Ash-matic feel good. I don’t know Ash-matic, or almost every other blogger that I so thoroughly enjoy reading, but I assume that we are mostly all the same in the sense that we obtain a self worth in our ability to entertain others.
When I wrote that article on Joe Ingino, and his attack on humanity, I was so excited because eight people tweeted it, and one was the counsillor that was at the forefront. She read MY article and tweeted it to Rick Mercer, George Strombolopoulis, and Ellen Degeneres. I don’t know if they ever read it, but who gives a fuck? That woman thought it relevant enough to try, and that was such a huge spirit boost. I got a ton of views on that post, and people were clicking the links, and liking it. Almost a hundred likes so far. To me, that’s huge. Ten times the average amount of likes, and only 2.5 times the average hits, so thanks, that means I did something right. Or it means I’m usually doing something wrong. Fuck me, why can’t I do things right all of the time?
Just kidding 🙂 I love you all, and thank you for putting up with my bullshit.
You are so beautiful, to me, can’t you see,
Birdman
P.S. Nancy, when are you leaving again? I need some soap, and to hand off the Traveling Blue Shirt to the next lucky bastards.

Google+ Comments

28 thoughts on “Down In The Dumps

  1. Awesome blog!I thought I was the only person that woke up and clicked in to see how many I had in my audience, and the excitement I feel when I see someone from , say, Sweden has somehow stumbled onto my story.
    BTW,check out a couple of hotels, you might be surprised, and, imagine how wonderful employment would be as a toilet scrubber!

    • Thanks Deb, but as strange as it might seem, I would never be able to get that job. Here it is a little different from HH, in that people don’t just give up their jobs like they do there. Well, except for me.

  2. “OH MY FUCK! THIS IS THE GREATEST THING I’VE EVER READ. HOW CAN ONE PERSON PERFECTLY ENCOMPASS ALL OF MY FEELINGS AND PUT THEM INTO WORDS?”

    • I know that’s true coming from you, but this is the only thing you’ve ever read. Well, I think “skimmed over” is the proper term.

  3. Dude, I hear you and feel your pain.
    I’ll message you later or try the skype thingy…..

    One thing I can say is this:
    Hand off the Traveling Blue Shirt and buy a cape.
    You are a rockstar superhero for trying to follow what your heart tells you.
    You’re miles ahead of pretty much everyone else just by KNOWING what makes you tick.
    You’re soon to be Bride also gets you, which is a BIG PLUS.
    Creative people are the most hard on themselves types.
    How many times have you looked at past blogs and thought, that was shite or what the hell was I on that day? This happens because you are growing creatively and are getting more in touch with who you are.
    It will never stop. Which is a good sign.
    The last thing you want to do is become a greatest hits type of personality.
    You know those people.
    The kind that always rehash the good old days.
    People glorify their past when their future is dried up.
    Sure we all have fond memories, but people like you and I are also making new ones, better ones.

    Stay the course.
    Keep listening to your true inner thoughts after you get the other voices in your head to quiet down.

    Buck up buttercup or I’ll drive to where you live and kick you in the bollocks.
    ( That’s the tough love kicking in. See? I have inner voices too! )

    Talk more later…

    Fuckface.

    • Ya! What he said! And Brad will stop and pick me up and we’ll both come and kick your sorry ass! So, suck it up Mr. Buttercup.

      Seriously, be truly thankful for what you have. Wish for what you want not more of what you already have. Believe, I mean really, truly, honestly believe that you are the best at what you do. Get some metaphysical mojo going, brother! Deeds speak my man. Start screamin’!

      • Jesus Scotty P,
        Preach it!
        I’m all tingly from reading your reply!

        Scotty P, Charlie Sheen just emailed me for your contact info. He wants you to be his agent.

        Birdman – do you think, even at the slightest little that you’re holding anything back?

        Set the world on fire with your passion Bro.
        The world needs you now more than ever….

    • Alright, you bunch of cunts, I am over it. Jesus fucking Christ, can’t a guy just wallow in his self pity for a few days? Geesh. Anyhow, thanks for the nice things that you guys say, do, and think. I really do appreciate it, and I hope you guys do come to Colborne, but maybe we can grab a tea before you hang a lickin’ on me. Then it wouldn’t be a totally negative trip. Also, Brad, you can sit back and watch, because I don’t think Scotty will have any trouble with me by himself. His right hand is bigger, and possibly stronger, than my torso. Maybe El Bandito can make the trip down too.

      • I once spoke to Henry Rollins ( name drop! )about the creativity that comes from depression and we both agreed that it can be a powerful force.
        The key is to not rely on it and I believe you never would.
        About 14 years ago I saw rock bottom coming, ignored it, hit it and didn’t bounce back right away.
        I am saying this as it relates to how creative people can be sometimes.

        As far as Scotty P laying the smack down, well, ok, I’ll watch or be the cameraman. Maybe we’d get some good shots to edit together for the opening of your new TV Show…

        • YOU SPOKE TO HENRY ROLLINS?!?!?!!!! THE Henry Rollins of Rollins Band Fame, star of movies, TV and radio? I’m all a flutter now, Brad. Take me, I’m yours…

          The only smack that shall be layed will be from my tongue. Beware…

          Still might be worth filming.

          Wallow no more my man. Believe in yourself and you will know no bounds.

          Cheers, mon ami!

  4. Chris. I have never been prouder of you. Things will work out just the way they are supposed to. You must have faith. You are very good at what you do and as Paul always said (That boy should be working with computers). So listen to your friends and family the rest will work itself out. Your Mother.

  5. I hate that you have been feeling down… but I’m glad to know that I’m not alone on wanting people to like my blog. Whenever I see a comment on my post or that I have a new follower, I squeal like the girl I am and get on this high that lasts a good bit (“someone likes me?? Someone’s reading my blog??”). I’m constantly in a battle with myself thinking my posts are stupid to everyone else and wondering how to get more followers.

    I DO enjoy your blog, which is why I keep coming back to read more. For what it’s worth, I think you’re hilarious and insightful. Fuck anyone who thinks differently.

    I wish I could help on the job part. Something will come along. Until then, just go hug your other half and her daughters and know that you’ve got plenty of happiness in those 3.

    • Thanks Missy, I like yours too, even though you run half marathons and do other energetic things. You make me smile every so often, when you decide to write something. 🙂 Notice how I inferred that you should write more? LOL

      • I do want to write more… but this is where some of my self-doubt comes in. I start thinking “I want to write about this, but I don’t think I can make this interesting for others to read.” I need to learn to say who gives a shit, I’m going to write about [insert topic here] because I want to.

        • Yep, you just have to say “fuck it”. It doesn’t matter what you write, because if it interests you, it will interest others. You can’t be the only one who loves you. Jason has mentioned his fondness before. Oh yeah, plus me and Youngman.

  6. Hey, I think you are a great sharer and I don’t know anyone who does it better. I have trouble figuring out all of this social media stuff and hope one day I can and I like the traveling blue shirt. That rocks!

    • Thanks Tracie. Your stuff is easy to share, because everyone love drawings and funniness. You are figuring it out pretty well, and I’m glad you didn’t go completely crazy on Pinterest. 🙂 If you want me to send you the blue shirt for a photo shoot, you just let me know. Women just add to it’s sexiness.

      • I would love the blue shirt if I were photogenic, but alas, I am not. I do think it is awesome, really. I did not go crazy on Pinterest, but I do tend to be aggressive so I have slowed down a lot. Thanks for introducing me to it, though. I do like it!

  7. “OH MY FUCK! THIS IS THE GREATEST THING I’VE EVER READ. HOW CAN ONE PERSON PERFECTLY ENCOMPASS ALL OF MY FEELINGS AND PUT THEM INTO WORDS?”

    I don’t know how long you’ve been blogging for, and what with all the backlog from that fucking stupid challenge I don’t have the time to scroll back and find out.
    But, I do know it takes time to build up a following, mine started slowly – a few at a time over about 6 months. When I eventually got to a hundred the next hundred came quickly. Since then it’s been kind of slow but steady, and for some reason usually in 3s or 4s. There seems to be little communities of followers around some blogs, and when one of them starts reading a few of the others always seem to follow – in this way I have seen these little groups grow too. I love that, because for me that’s the way you start to feel like you know these people.
    If you just want an increase in readership rather then followers try stumbling some of your own favourite posts – I do it every once in a while – usually about 10 posts at a time. It always causes a spike in my graph, my daily hits will increase by about 300 for a few days, and sometimes one or two of those will follow too.

    You just gotta keep at it.

    And I love what you’re doing on g+, I used to be a ‘bloggger addict’ in the help forums before they changed to using google groups (urghh) and one of the most frequently asked questions was how can I find new blogs to follow. (“Next blog” is crap – unless you like jeebus and pics of dribbling brats).

    Depression is a vile debilitating thing, as is being unemployed. But better to be at home then in a job you hate I reckon, and it means you have time to find those blogs that get lost in the ether and share them with us all.
    Keep the faith !

    • Thank you. Now I feel bad about calling you “old”. With mine, it rose fast for about 4 months, and then has plateaued since then. I’ve been blogging since mid September I guess, and I really do enjoy the relationship that I have with my readers/friends. That feels weird to call them readers. Anyhow, I do love the Google+ for sharing, it’s the shizzle.

  8. I’m one of your 6-7 am readers:) I love it & look forward to seeing what the topic will be as I have my morning coffee. Chin up my friend, things have a way of working themselves out;)

  9. You’re blog is the highlight of my day.

    I don’t think you are in the dumps so much as at a crossroads.

    The right path will all of a sudden open up to you. And you will wonder why you never seen it before.

    And you will be amazing at it.

  10. Pingback: Suicide is NO solution

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