Don’t Settle!

Birdman

You know who I’m talking to. All of you people out there that are settling for less than you want or deserve in a relationship.

It seems that it’s mostly women in this predicament, but I do know a few guys that it’s happened to over the years (IT’S ME!). It sucks, but not as bad as getting a finger or toenail slowly ripped out every week on an ongoing basis. Well, I guess it also depends on your pain tolerance and how good you are at masturbating, but as a general rule, it’s a bit better than torture.

This makes me wonder why we do it. Why is my smart, funny, beautiful friend hung up on a scrawny, emotionally withdrawn dude that is most likely a 40 year old virgin? Okay, maybe not forty, but he’s well into adulthood. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

It would be one thing if they were both okay with seeing each other for five hours a week, but she is looking for something more in a man than a game of fucking Yahtzee and a back rub on Tuesdays and every other Friday. When they met, he was looking for a relationship, but apparently not one that included sleeping together or allowing visits outside of the scheduled appointments. No stopping by for a quick high five or chest bump, no nothing.

Is this good?

Is this good?

Seems like bulshit, doesn’t it? They are obviously not very compatible together if one wants something on the other end of the spectrum as the other. Right?

Right. Well, except for the fact that she really liked him and was willing to settle for the odd occasion that he would make some time for her. He kept explaining that he didn’t have time for visitors, because he was so busy all day and night, but he could maybe get away for a few hours on Wednesday, but maybe not until Thursday.

I understand long distance relationships are hard, but for the love of all things hairy, he’s only twelve miles away from her or some shit. She was willing to drive there to see him, but that was forbidden.

How sweet.

How sweet.

He’s just not that into her.

Maybe, but I doubt it. I think he just likes to keep his options open and play the field. If he wasn’t into her he would just tell her, wouldn’t he? Come on, guys wouldn’t string girls along so that they have a warm place to land when shit goes south. That’s dishonest and deceitful. It’s like when people say that you should NEVER tell your boss that you are looking for another job, because you might not get the job, and your boss will still be looking for your replacement by noon.

Fuck it. I always tell them. They always fire me, but I still tell them. It just seems right. I hate leaving people in the lurch. If I don’t like my job enough to not go looking for another one, then they are doing me a favour by cutting me loose. Sure it stings a bit, but when something isn’t working, why bother? There’s something else out there for you, and it’s probably going to be better than what you just left.

The same goes for when someone doesn’t like you as much as you like them. Cut them loose. Don’t try to change them, and for fuck’s sake, don’t try to change yourself. You’re you for a reason, and it’s a bad idea to mess with your perfect design. If you want to spend sixteen hours a day with your partner, then find a partner that wants to spend it with you. Pining away for someone surely won’t get you anywhere but crazy, so get while the getting’s good and skedaddle your sexy ass on out of there.

You see, girls. I’m a guy and I know how guys talk. Do you want to be the crazy bitch that comes up in every conversation? The one that he warns all of his buddies about? The one that he put a restraining order on?

restrainingrder

No? Then smarten the fuck up. Don’t pester him and give him any more power over you than he already has. Don’t tell him you’ll accept less than you deserve, and whatever you do, don’t ever beg him for a fucking thing. You’re perfect, and there is a guy out there that wants to cuddle up with all of that perfection at every possible chance. You won’t ever have to wonder if he’s fucking around, because he is trying to figure out how to grab an hours sleep during the day, just so he’ll have an extra hour to spend with you at night.

That’s just how shit is. If you can’t wait to see him, and he misses you so bad that he drives the half hour to your place just to kiss you and smell your hair, then you have a very good thing and it should be nurtured.

If you are driving by his house and he won’t let you stop by because it’s “his” day to do what he wants, then you have yourself a dude that is either gay or lacks a soul. His day should start with staring into your eyes and end with kissing your lips as passionately as possible, without putting your teeth through your lips.

I know that you aren’t going to listen to me anyhow, but this is my “I told you so.”

If you aren’t getting what you need from a relationship, then run. Run to the next one. You are worth so much more than settling for less than you deserve. I don’t care who you are, you’re better than that.

So what you wanna do, sheeeit I got a pocket full of rubbers and my homeboys do too,

Birdman

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