Well friends, everything works out for a reason I guess, and last night was no different. We stopped in at my sister Shelley’s yesterday around lunchtime, because that’s how we roll. I must have looked hungrier than my darling, because I was eventually offered a hot dog, and by then, it was quite welcome. While there, we were asked when we were available to go out for dinner, because my sisters wanted to see me before I left. (Pretty sweet, huh?) We figured that it had to be last night, so we hemmed and hawed until we had come up with a plan that included no children, and maybe a pint or two.
We decided on Capers in Campbellford, ON, because it is our favourite date restaurant, and my sisters have heard us rave about it so much that they wanted to try it for themselves. So, Mrs. Birdman made the reservations, Kelley arranged a babysitter at her place, and we all dropped our children off there. We then embarked on our kidless journey to have a nice meal without any complaining, fighting or unwelcome noise. It was just six adults on a four hour gastronomic vacation. The world was our oyster, and we were going to experience life firsthand.
I know what you’re thinking: Why would anyone want to go hang out with their family, on purpose? Well, I maybe haven’t mentioned it before, but I’m pretty lucky when it comes to life. You know how you just love your family, no matter what? There is a rule there that demands a deep, unspoken bond, a rule that states you must stand by someone, even though you can’t stand speaking to them. My family is no different, except for the fact that I truly like them as well. Mrs. B likes them too, and we also like their husbands, so that’s a huge plus. I can’t say how they feel about us, but they treat us really well, and make us feel welcome all the time, so what more can you ask for?
I surely couldn’t have ended up with better brothers-in-law, (or is it brother-in-laws?) than I have been given. They are good providers and they are both devoted to my sisters and their children. That’s really all you could hope for, isn’t it, that the people you love the most are well cared for and loved themselves? Well, amazingly, they are also stand up guys, very funny, and extremely kind-hearted. We really couldn’t be luckier. I have to admit that I was skeptical, as I always was, because you don’t want your sisters to wind up marrying a couple of douchebags. You know the ones, they sit around drinking, not holding down a job, maybe fucking around on them, if they can find some chick that will agree to it. I’ve met my share of them, and so have you. There’s a good chance that a few of that type of douchebag is reading this right now, and if that’s true then SMARTEN UP, YOU PIECE OF SHIT. Get a grip on life, and man up. There are people that rely on you, and you are letting them down, but most of all, you are letting yourself down.
Sorry, I got sidetracked.
To my sisters, I want you to know how proud I am to be your brother. I have watched you both grow into fantastic women, wives and mothers. I also want you to know that I am sorry if I was a bitter asshole before I met my true love. I’m still an opinionated blowhard, but I hope I’ve softened enough that I’m not unpleasant to be around. You need to know that you are both on my mind daily, and if I don’t call you often enough, it’s because I know that you each have someone that I wholeheartedly trust with your well being. I know that your husbands put your needs and wants before their own, and they would never let anything happen to you or those kids, while they still have life. They love you like Mom loves you. Like I love you. Except the whole sex part, that’s a bit different, but the love part, that’s the same. I’m going to go wipe my vagina now.
Holy shit, that dinner was good last night, wasn’t it? I can’t figure out why we don’t do that more often? Puffball soup, my mind is still blown.
No sign off line today,
P.S. Did you notice how I messed with your mind there? No sign off line is the sign off line. I’m so damn clever.