Aug 01

Therapy Thursday S01-E05

This is the second, and far crazier, episode this week. When we say episode, we mean it in a few different senses. You can be the judge of what we mean after you read @snook’s post/letter.

We can’t get into more detail, but suffice it to say, things get a little loopy.

 

Aug 01

Therapy Thursday S01-E04

We have to space these out because we got two videos this week.

Yeah, I know. Pretty impressive. We’re fucking popular now.

This post is going up when it turns Thursday in Samoa, and the second one will go up hours later, but I think we’re going to have to rename this to something a little more any day friendly.

This one came from @davemccoy and was in the form of a post. You can find it here. Letter To Help Save My Friend From Steem Monster Addiction

You should probably have a look at the post before watching the video

Stay tuned for the soon to come second post. It’s a doozy!

 

Jul 18

Therapy Thursday S01-E03 – Comedy Open Mic Round 22

Yep, we are back, thanks to @cryptkeeper17 and some poor choices on our part. We really appreciate the letter and if anyone else wants to send something in, we will be offering two shares in Steem Basic Income to anyone that gets onto the show.

Send your problems, questions, or thoughts to birdman@changethetopic.com or, if you are brave you can throw it in the comments here. I’m also on Discord at Chris Bird#2542 if you want to DM me.

You can find out more about Comedy Open Mic Round 22 on the link you just passed by. This week I am nominating @mourningnoodles and @enginewitty to join in the fun. Maybe wait until next round though. It’ll give you a bit more time to prepare.

Jul 11

Therapy Thursday S01-E02 – Comedy Open Mic Round 21

Yes, that’s right. We are trying this out on video now. We did another one a while ago, but it was only on Steemit. It was one that only Steemians would understand anyhow.

So yeah, we also address the return of Dover at the end.

As usual, send any questions, problems, or topics to birdman@changethetopic.com and if you want it to be anonymous just use Guerrilla Mail or some other shady email service. Apparently, there are a few.

For any Steemians out there, we will reward any of your submissions that make it into a post with a total of 1 SBD. This means that if it takes two to make an episode, the prize will be .5 SBD for each of the submissions. Just throw us an upvote, comment, or a resteem and put your steem ID in the submission email and we’ll go from there.

For this grand entry, we nominate @jonatftforest to come up with something funny that’s carving related and @friendsofgondor to post something donkey related.

May 07

Therapy Thursday

therapythursday2

Dear Birdman

I see that you got a couple of kids. Me too, and we live in a small apartment.

Ever since my old lady fucked off on me, I have had my kids every other week in my apartment. I think the bitch just figured that I was going to pay money and never see them again, but the courts said I could have them every other week and I don’t gotta pay her anything. Like I am going to give her a grand a month for fucking around on me with her boss.

So the problem I have is that I don’t want the kids eating crap when they’re at my house, because she tried to tell the court that I was going to malnourish them or something. Like ya, I love to eat junk food and I drink a lot of soda, but she makes it sound like it’s all I feed them. 

My problem is that I woke them up tonight when I opened a bag of doritos, then when I opened my soda can they opened the door and asked if they could have some. I was all the way across the apartment and it still woke them up. How do I open cans and bags of snacks without making any noise. I hate not being able to let them have some treats before bed.

Studebaker

Dear Studebaker?

Is that your name, or a lame attempt at a nickname?

Anyhow, I really don’t care about your shitty relationship woes. He said, she said and so on, and so forth. Tell it to your therapist, or send a question in for next week. I’m just taking them one at a time right now.

Your chips and pop problem I can help you with, as I have had that problem in the past. I will tell you that it’s almost impossible to snack quietly, so instead we will be doing more of a conditioning sort of thing and there are two ways that you can go about it, depending on how old the kids are.

The first way works best if your kids are under about eight years old. They are way easier to manipulate when they are younger.

1. Get yourself a terrifying costume like this one. If your kids like clowns, go with something else.

photo from The Daily Hiit

photo from The Daily Hiit

2. Put some fake blood on your hands and mouth.

3. Stand about six feet away, facing their bedroom door and loudly open your pop can and your bag of salty goodness. Get some fake blood on both.

4. When they open the door, laugh maniacally and extend a bloody hand, with a chip in it, toward them and offer them a drink from your bloody pop can.

5. Repeat if necessary, but in my experience after two times, you will never see them out of their beds again.1)Keep something on hand to clean up urine with. That was a hard lesson learned.

6. Sign them up for therapy when they become trained, because it will be weird when you see them in social situations. It’s hard to explain why your kid has a seizure or something, every time someone opens a drink at a party.

The second way will actually help your kids to never want to eat your chips or drink your pop ever again.

1. When your kids aren’t home, open a bag of your favourite snacks and sprinkle some Borax or other powdered cleanser into the bag. Not enough to kill them, but enough to make it blister their lips.

2. Now open a can of pop and dump half of it out. Mix in the cheapest fish oil that your pharmacy has and let it fester.

3. Sit as you normally would, open a new can and bag, then quickly hide them while crinkling the chip bag. When they come out and ask you for some, offer it freely.

4. Even the most stubborn teenagers won’t ask after the third time

I hope that this helped you out. If you have any blow outs because of any advice I’ve given, I am not responsible. Remember that. I don’t need the cops here because you put too much cleanser in the chips. Consider this my disclaimer.

Birdman

P.S. You can send your questions for the Birdman, or possibly Mrs. Birdman, if the question piques her interest, to birdman at changethetopic.com or if you like anonymity, just go to the Harass Us page and put in a fake name and email.

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. Keep something on hand to clean up urine with. That was a hard lesson learned.