Sep 04

Darien Lake Is Better Before The Kids Go Back To School

mindofbirdman

Yeah, their slew of college and university students go back to school in early August, and that’s when shit falls apart. There were sporadic, and full, ride closures, and it seemed like our one kid got short shrifted almost the whole time, because her two favourite rides were shut down for the entire trip. I suppose that’s why there are such good deals later in the season, but it was still kind of bummy.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time, but that was mostly around the fire where I met some new friends, and got to see a few old ones that I hadn’t really talked to in probably twenty years. It really was great in that respect, so I feel like the trip was pretty cool in that respect.

Ride wise, not so much.

I really don’t know why, but I suspect it has something to do with my partner in crime being absent from my riding side. There’s just something about my good buddy Gadget that makes me want to thoroughly enjoy an amusement park. I guess it’s just that amusement is in his jeans. I mean genes.

Next year I’m shooting for an adult trip to Cedar Point in Ohio. It looks like the greatest fucking thrill park in the world. I hope they have the option for buying a USB flash drive like they do at Darien Lake, because I will rock that shit like Wild T and the Spirit at the Ganny.

I can’t even imagine the rush you get on Top Thrill Dragster. Take a quick look at it and get back to me.

Seems pretty straightforward.

Seems pretty straightforward.

TopthrilldragsterYep. That says 120 mph. It also says 400 ft drop.

Gah.

Anyhow, I won’t go on about what might be, when I can be telling you about what was.

I truly had a great time hanging out with my new and old friends in the Darien Lake campground. There are some fun and funny motherfuckers in that gaggle of pals and I’m so glad I got to share a bit of space with them. Sadly we don’t have kids in hockey*, so I doubt we will get much chance to do fun shit with them for the next ten months, but I would be pretty happy if we got invited along some other time, even if it was just out for a drink and an orgy or something along those lines.

Oh yeah, and I got a snowblower for the tractor.

It wasn’t the snowblower I drove for hours to find, only to see that it wasn’t the one that was advertised on Craigslist.

Fuck you, Craig. I got lost and drove through a pretty ghetto area of Buffalo looking for that piece of shit that wasn’t even the one I needed. Why don’t you penalize people for falsely advertising shit on your website?

I ended up getting one from a guy on the way home, and other than having to drive around to get to a bank machine that would accept Canadian debit cards, everything went pretty smooth. Here it is in all of it’s glory.

Ain't she a beaut?

Ain’t she a beaut?

Another highlight to my week was Vanilla Thunder and the Dumpster Jumper trying to out New York us in the pronunciation of Irondequoit Dodge, North Tonawanda, and assorted offerings from J&E Grocery 139 Reynolds Street. It truly was a glorious exchange, and you should of seen the look of jealousy when I told them I had driven by Max Pies and Transitowne Chrysler Dodge Jeep. It was worth every bit of fear that I felt as it started getting dark and I still hadn’t got the bacon for breakfast.

Sooooo, I’ll leave it with you as to when you go to Darien Lake. If you want to hang out and don’t care too much about the rides, then by all means, take the good deal and go anytime after the first week of August. If you like the rides and attractions to be open a lot, then you might want to get there in June or July.

Just sayin’

I get high, I get high on speed, top fuel funny car’s the drug for me,

Birdman

Aug 08

You May Notice A Change

Birdman

Yep, I finally changed themes.

It was long overdue, but because it was daunting, I had a hard time committing to it. My old theme was great, but there was a few problems in the code that prevented me from getting my Google authorship, and that’s sort of a big deal for me.

This page doesn't give me anxiety anymore. No more patches of red code errors.

This page doesn’t give me anxiety anymore. No more patches of red code errors.

I had contacted the old theme’s developer and asked him if he could fix it last year, but he never followed up on his promise to look into it for me. I quit giving money and poked around for a new one, but nothing seemed to migrate very fluidly, so I panicked and gave up. I hoped that the guy would just miraculously fix it for me, so I could live my change-free online life.

He didn’t, and now I’m here. One thing’s for sure; I won’t donate any more dinero to a theme developer until I know that it’s going to work for me, and there is a good support system if I have a problem. Sure I only kick in about $5 every few months, but I think that’s pretty decent for a free theme.

Isn’t it? I could have given nothing and still enjoyed the use of it. A lot of people do, and that’s okay, because it’s a free theme. It’s not like you are stealing from anyone. I just like to show a bit of appreciation for someone’s hard work that makes my life easier. That’s all.

Oh wait. Speaking of appreciation, I want to thank Mark Traphagen at Virante for all of his helpful articles and coaching. For any of you that are wondering why I love spending time on Google+, it’s because of folks like him, Ed Hong, and about a hundred other people in my circles that share freely with their knowledge, art, and love of life. Why the fuck would you want to hang around a social media site that’s full of scams, drama, and other negativity, when you could be getting a handful of Nader Madakto’s photo posts?

I digress.

I haven’t finished tweaking everything, but I really like the feel of my new theme. I’ve added some new sidebar widgets, so you guys can see things like where the people are from that are Googling “How to fuck a sheep” * and other tawdry subjects. You can also see some of the blogs I like, but I took a bunch out from who was on there last time. Anyone who hasn’t posted in months or their site was taken down got deleted. I have to add a few more, but these things take time. Do you know a blog that should be up here? Let me know about it.

* Shout out to the UK and Australia for keeping my numbers up on that post.

A selection from Barking Dog Salvage and Parkadilly

A selection from Barking Dog Salvage and Parkadilly

You may also notice that there are ads on the sidebars now. I wanted to showcase my talented friends that make things, because I think you bastards should start shopping for your ChristmasHanukkahHoliday presents at their stores. Buy a gift certificate for a wedding present. Pick out a nice, outdoor cooktop, family tree, or a distinctly refinished set of shutters for your parents to enjoy. They’ll like it better than a George Foreman grill or a collage of selfies in a cheap frame.

Check out Outside the BOX for tons of unique gift ideas. Or you could buy it for yourself I guess. Rob won't care.

Check out Outside the BOX for tons of unique gift ideas. Or you could buy it for yourself I guess. Rob  probably won’t care.

So tell Walmart to go pound sand, and support a local artist, entrepreneur, or inventor. You will put a bit of food on their table and feel really good about yourself forever. Well, at least until you eat an entire bag of of semi-sweet chocolate chips after your girlfriend leaves you for a pair of dirty carnies that she met at the waterfront festival.

Another new development is that I joined the Tumblr. I don’t know exactly how it works, but Amber says I need to be on it, because it’s where the pretty people hang out. Not that she thinks I’m pretty, but she knows I like to dress up real pretty and dance around in my jeggings and a jaunty cap, so she told me about it. I’m sort of glad she did. I’ll be way more gladder when I figure out how to utilise it for world domination.

Let me see. What else is new? Oh, things slowed down at work, so I’ve had the time to work on the blog. I’m trying to get some creative juices flowing for Movember this year, and so far have only come up with a Tombstone theme and a kick ass Shavedown and after party. I haven’t talked to everyone, but I know Scooter’s in this year, and I hope my guys from last year are going to do it again. We did amazing, and had a great time. Well, I know I did, and really, that’s all that matters.

Remember the nip slip seen ’round the world?

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Well, I’m hoping to do the follow up to it this week. I just need to get the photographers and my co-model on board.

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I know that there is other shit to tell you, but I can’t think of it right now. It’s summer time for fuck’s sake.

I guess I’ll go and get the trailer ready to pick up the Hedgehodge’s garbage. Maybe someone I know would want a couple of small dressers and a little desk to paint up or something. I would do it on Saturday, but I don’t want to be late for the swanky shindig we got invited to. Mrs. B is shooting a wedding that day, so by the time she finds me I should be in fine form. Well, finer than usual, I guess.

Oh wait! Here’s something cool that Mike Stenger just showed me on G+. I’m going to install it as soon as I’m done here. If it’s free. If not, then I guess the hackers can have at me. GoDaddy backs me up for a month anyhow.

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends, mmm I get high with a little help from my friends,

Birdman

Aug 02

I Solicited A Company For Free Product And I Feel Great About It

birdmandesk

You guys know that I love the Google+ right?

Well, I do. It’s like Facebook’s non-idiot brother that everybody likes because he’s just so fucking nice. He’s positive, smart, funny, and pretty damn handsome. He maybe isn’t as popular as Facebook, because he isn’t on the rep hockey team, or he isn’t out throwing his dick around when he gets hammered on homemade Kahlua and milk, but he makes up for that by not giving viruses to everyone he knows and only ever going to third base with girls that he isn’t going to marry.

You get my point, right?

So a few months ago I was on G+ (that’s what his friends call him), and I see a video get shared about unclogging drains without chemicals. We go through a lot of Drano with three long haired girls in the house, so I checked out The Drain Claw.

I immediately offered to accept a free sample to see if I liked it. They were only $6.99, but I’m super cheap and wanted it for free. I sent an email telling about how awesome my blog is, and how everybody and their brother reads it. Not so much the G+ brother, but lots of Facebook brothers do. They love my silly stories and pictures.

Anyhow, I guess they bought it, because look:

Can you believe that those saps fell for my ruse?

Can you believe that those saps fell for my ruse? I can’t.

I know it doesn’t look like much in the package, but check this shit out: Continue reading

Jul 19

Fox Friday: Wilfred Season 2

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When I was asked if I wanted a copy of Wilfred to review, I thought that it might be that movie that was based on a David Mamet play that I watched a whole bunch of years ago. I was appalled that they would want me to review such a racially charged movie and then write about it on my blog. That’s lunacy.

Then I remembered Scooter speaking of some hilarious show about a guy in a dog suit.

I looked it up.

The movie was called Edmond, and it was actually really good. I can handle a whole bunch of racial slurs as long as someone gets prison raped in the end. Pun intended.

So back to Wilfred. I went back and watched some shows from season 1, and then I fell in love.

Then I did a giveaway and watched the second season, and it was fan-fucking-tastic.

Oh good, I really did love it. Sometimes I love the first part of something, but grow bored after a while, but not this time. This time it was like Breaking Bad, just as good, and with some new characters. I have found my new favourite show. My replacement for John From Cincinnati.

Look at the gaiety of it all.

Look at the gaiety of it all.

Now don’t go run out and buy it, because I say it’s good. It’s probably not for everyone. There are no laugh tracks or gratuitous pauses to let you know when something funny is said. Not one redneck hooks up a conveyor belt to their vehicle to step up production, and nobody enters their kid in a pageant while they siphon go go juice down the little bastard’s throat. It’s dark, subtle, intelligent, and fucking funny.

There is the obligatory drug, poop, and sexual humour, but it’s totally in line with Wilfred’s character. He is a dog after all, and really enjoys everything in excess. Do you know many pooches that practice moderation in anything? I sure don’t. (I’m looking at you, Blue.)

Now we have a smart, well written, hilarious show, but that’s not all. It will also make you think. A lot.

Doesn't everyone's dog read the paper?

Doesn’t everyone’s dog read the paper?

It’s also a psychological show, and there are lessons learned each week. One lesson is that you can’t always trust Wilfred. Another is that some girls have squishy tits. You’ll have to check it out to find out what the others are.

I don’t want to give anything away, but I do want to say that you should watch season 1 first, then go get season 2. It’s not something to jump right in the middle, because there is a story behind it all.

You say that it’s over baby, you say that it’s over now,

Birdman

Jul 05

Fox Friday – Kung Fu Panda: Legends Of Awesomeness

Fox sent me this dvd to review and I finally got a chance to watch it the other day. I thought that it was the second movie, but it turned out to be a disc with a bunch of episodes from a Kung Fu Panda TV show.

At first I was a bit disappointed.

Then I started watching it.

It was actually quite good. The voices, the CGI work, and the music in each episode are really well done. There is tons of silly humour and all-around goofiness for the kids. Add to that a whole bunch of ass kicking by animals, and you have a pretty entertaining couple of hours.

Is it the same as the movies? No.

I have only seen the first one, but the show is a bit different in that it probably appeals more to kids than adults. It also has different bad guys and scenarios as Po studies in and protects the Valley Of Peace with the rest of the Furious Five and Master Shifu. There’s a lot of the same elements, but these shows are pretty “lesson” driven, with less adult oriented humour.

kung-fu-panda-legends-of-awesomeness-good-croc-bad-croc-dvd-EP103_01242213_cc_rgb

Unless of course you are me. I get chuckles out of some of the corny jokes on here. I also loved Bugs Bunny though, so take that as you will. They had some pretty corny one-liners on that show.

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Oh, and did anyone else get a chub from Tigress? No? Me neither. She’s too intense for me, but I bet she’s a wildcat in the sack. So much precision and accuracy. Rawr.

You creeped out yet? Cool, you might as well check out the trailer for this then.

So, in a nutshell we have a pretty entertaining show, but more so for children than adults. If you’re looking for extensions of the movie, don’t bother, because these aren’t them. They are good, just different, so don’t go watch them and tear them down because they aren’t the same; you should tear them down because they are only two hours long, and it takes you three hours to get the full benefit of the magnum of Baby Duck you just drank in the laundry room.

This means that mommy is going to have to switch DVDs with a big dent in the motor skills section of her brain, and that someone is probably going to get a time out when mommy can’t get the upside down Harry Connick Jr. CD to play Backyardigans in the BluRay player. You should never snicker at mommy when her lips are pink and she’s burping a lot.

There was funky Billy Chin and little Sammy Chung, he said here comes the big boss, lets get it on,

Birdman

P.S. Comment on here if you want this copy. I’m not putting g i v e a w a y in the posts anymore because there are a bunch of people that just Google that and other keywords and go around trying to win shit. If one of our readers doesn’t want our schtuff, then one of our friends will. Cheers.