Apr 06

Go To Hell, Jesus

Seriously, if I was a Christian, I’d tell Jesus to go fly a kite. You don’t go and get yourself killed by the Romans, just to come back three days later and float around, leaving all of the world wondering what’s going on. That’s just not cool.

Party on, Jesus

Jesus could have left a bunch of tablets buried in different sites that he ordered no one to look at until the dates shown. There could be people guarding the burial sites that just keep replenishing their masses as they died off from old age and the pox. (I mean really, his followers would lay there and starve to death, as long as Jesus had told them to.) Then, when the dates came around they would have to dig up the corresponding tablet, and read the inscription. The keepers of the tablets will have been anointed by Jesus, and it could be well known that their words are to be adhered by all Christians, for all of eternity. (Jesus knew Atheism and Agnosticism would be rampant throughout our society, but because of the wine and whores he was doubting the existence of his father himself.) Continue reading

Mar 29

Holy shit, the Pope’s got balls

I was reading an article today about the Pope going to Cuba to tell those commie bastards that they need to be an open society. Really? Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black on a huge scale? The same church that won’t allow people to masturbate or use birth control, is telling someone else to loosen up? I just don’t know where to begin with it.

Another thing I liked was when he told them that Marxism “no longer responds to reality”. Holy shit, that’s rich. It’s almost like the Popester wants to wield the power in this world. The Catholic church is just like a communist country. The peons give and give, while a bunch of fat cats, get to sit around and fart in their gold encrusted briefs. It makes me sick to think that these fuckers have the power to do whatever they want, and there are people who just sit around and give them more of their hard earned money, time, sweat, you name it, they’ll take it from you. I’m talking about the church and communism there, in case you were wondering. Continue reading

Mar 07

Kirk Fucking Cameron

It’s true, I’m a bit of an asshole

Jesus H Christ, where the hell did he come from all of a sudden. My friend Emmy posted a video on Facebook that I just couldn’t watch all at once. I made it to the part where he said that marriage was defined by God as “One man, one woman for life till death do you part.” He went on to finish with “So do I support the idea of gay marriage? No, I don’t.”

Holy fuck. Where do I even begin with that?

I’m not even talking about what he does or doesn’t support. I don’t give two shits what Kirk Cameron supports. I didn’t even know he was “a thing” anymore. What pissed me off the most was when he said that marriage was defined by God as one man and one woman.

So what’s the deal then, God gets to just change the rules, but no one else can? All of the chosen people had several wives, and they were fully endorsed by God. So what is it Kirk? Are we going to literally translate the bible now? If we are, then you need to explain a few things to everyone. First of all, how did we all get here from one man(Adam) and his wife(Eve)? We know that they had a couple of kids, and one killed the other, so that leaves two dudes and a chick. Hey, that’s a good way to start out a porno, but that’s her son. Gross. So where did all of the people come from? It says that Cain all of a sudden acquired himself a wife, but from where? I have read the old testament, but don’t remember that being explained to me.

Fucking hillbillies. This isn’t Kentucky you know?

There are a few other things that I’m wondering about, that I hope you can help me with.

19: And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even.
20: And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean.
21: And whosoever toucheth her bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.
22: And whosoever toucheth any thing that she sat upon shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.
23: And if it be on her bed, or on any thing whereon she sitteth, when he toucheth it, he shall be unclean until the even.
24: And if any man lie with her at all, and her flowers be upon him, he shall be unclean seven days; and all the bed whereon he lieth shall be unclean.

I want to make sure you haven’t came in contact with your wife while she was menstruating, because if you have, you had better get to repenting, you unclean prick.

27:Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.

I noticed that you are clean shaven. I’m going to overlook it this time, but if I find out you’ve shaved again, I will smite you down with my rod.

The list goes on and on, and while I want to go toe to toe with you on this bullshit, I am afraid it will turn me more like you. You know, closed minded, obtuse, assholish. I have been trying for years to improve myself, and when people like you speak, it sets me back months. All I feel is rage and anger towards people who feel so self righteous that they will tell others that they aren’t living their lives properly or justly.

So fuck you, you judgy cunt. Go back under your rock, and see if you can pick up some more prehistoric views on the world. You should also try to diminish some more people for their views and actions, especially seeing as they aren’t hurting anyone with all of their love and peace.

Where’s all of your love? In your big church? I prefer for real people to see mine, not some fictitious character from a fable written before Christ was a cowboy. I want to know why you would have a problem with two people who love each other getting married, and who gave you an opinion on who is right and who is wrong anyhow? I thought that was for your God to decide. If he does exist, and he has a problem with it, then he and his cronies can dole out the punishment on their own time. You can use your time on earth to relax and enjoy some of the money that your ministry is making. With all of the different cash generators that you have under your umbrella, you and Ray must have it made in the shade.

Oh right, I forgot that you spent a shitload of money republishing The Origin Of Species in an abridged format, and distributed them to schools. Real classy. Go after the children and mouldable teenagers. Nice that you left out four chapters and added an introduction slamming Darwin’s life and work as well. Hey, why argue with fact, when you can just erase it and not have to deal with all of those “questions” that keep coming up.

To my Christian friends, this is not a slight towards you, because you have never gotten publicly cunty about how awesome Jesus and the bible are. Not in front of me anyhow. I just get angry sometimes, and then I rant. I’m sorry if I offended you by mocking your beliefs openly, and not showing you the respect you deserve.

Who am I kidding? Why would any of my Christian friends be reading this?

Michael row the boat ashore, Hallelujah,


Feb 05

Birdman’s Biblical Translations – Genesis 1

Chapter 1

God creates this earth and its heaven and all forms of life in six days—The creative acts of each day are described—God creates man, both male and female, in his own image—Man is given dominion over all things and is commanded to multiply and fill the earth.


Seriously, this is what he saw. Of course it's the beginning of the earth.

 1 In the abeginning bGod ccreated the dheaven and the eearth.

 2 And the earth was without aform, and void; and bdarkness was upon the face of the deep. And the cSpirit of God dmoved upon the face of the waters.

 3 And Go

asaid, Let there be blight: and there was light.

 4 And God saw the light, that it was agood: and God divided the light from the darkness.

 5 And God called the light aDay, and the bdarkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the cfirst dday.

 6 ¶And God said, Let there be a afirmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.

 7 And God made the firmament, and divided the awaters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so. Continue reading

Sep 27

Hmmmmm, What To Blog About Now?

I’m revamping this old post for Dude Write 7 Deadly Sins. You should check it out. I figured that I have tons of sin in my blog already, but this was my first post that dealt with religion, and my contempt for it. Basically I’m stirring the pot, and I’m sure that there’s some sort of sin here with the small bit of gayness that will qualify me.

What the hell people? I’m running out of topics, and the four of you that read this aren’t much help. I guess I’ll start by saying that I don’t believe in God. I generally capitalize it out of respect for those of you that do. I’m not saying God doesn’t exist, I just have a hard time buying into it. It’s not just God, because I don’t believe in any other deity either. I do believe in people and humanity though, and I try to follow the ten commandments as much as possible.(Well, five to ten anyhow.)

On the other hand, I don’t care what you believe in, as long as it doesn’t hurt anybody. You can have faith that [easyazon_link identifier=”0140558640″ locale=”US” tag=”granligh-20″]Rumplestiltskin[/easyazon_link] is the creator of the universe if it makes you feel happy. I know he wouldn’t be my first choice, what with all the hoarding babies and all.

That’s Jesus

Continue reading