May 05

Furry Fandom?

birdmandesk

So I went back and read the old post, How To Properly Shag A Sheep today. I still get a kick out of it, and the fact that roughly thirty people a day, every day read that post.

It’s the sole reason that some ad companies keep sending me emails. I hadn’t written in a year, but still consistently got over a thousand hits a month from all sorts of people.

Sadly, a lot of them got there by searching for phrases like, but not limited to:

  • how to fuck sheep
  • can man fuck sheep
  • sheep vagina
  • sex with sheep

When I got to the end of the post, I noticed a bunch of comments that I hadn’t seen before. One of them, I found kind of odd and disturbing.

kobidobi

Needless to say, I responded in anger at someone who is into zoophilia calling me wicked for being froward.1)adjective 1. (of a person) difficult to deal with; contrary. *I had to look it up.* I’m still trying to figure out what any of this has to do with the Lannisters.

So anyhow, I was on this pinhead’s profile and saw a bunch of posts and videos about people dressed as stuffed animals, and while I stared at the sheer volume of them, Mrs. B came to kiss me good night. I asked her to look at it and she said, “Yeah, they’re furries. It’s a real thing.”

I, of course, had to look into it. It’s real, with conventions and everything else. People have costumes that can cost more than $10000 and some of them have sex with the costumes on. Crazy, huh? I mean, I could understand it if they were Wookies or Storm Troopers, because everybody does that. Right?

Of course I’m kidding. I don’t care who you choose to have sex with, as long as they are into it too. Dress up as Toto, and have your partner be Dorothy for all I care. Hump the living shit out of her leg and leave a stain on the ruby slippers. Fly your freak flag high and proud, I say.

Do not have sex with real animals.

I know, I shouldn’t have to tell you that, but obviously it needs to be said. Go and look at the thread with the idiot and I. He seems to think that it’s okay to have sex with whatever you want, which brings me back to the furries.

the survey was replicated in 2008, and it found 17% of respondents reported zoophilia. The older lower results, which are even lower than estimated in the general population, were due to the methodology of questioning respondents face-to-face which led to social desirability bias.

That’s from the Furry Fandom Wikipedia page.

What the fuck is wrong with people? I know that Blue loves me more than probably anything2)with the exception of eating garbage and smelling things, but I’m certain that he does not want me to fuck him.

I’m absolutely sure of it.

I’ve had lots of female dogs over the years, and many had been in heat, but not once did any of them lift her tail and puff up her vagina to lure me in. Not one time.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t fuck her even if she was asking for it in concise English. I am not into it, but that’s just me. Call me a prude.

This kobidobidog seems to be okay with it though. Unless he’s a troll, but I don’t think so. There’s too much evidence of him being really into it.

So there it is. I’m going to let the dog out for a pee, and go curl up with my sweet mama. She’s been waiting for several hours.

Word to your moms,

Birdman

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. adjective 1. (of a person) difficult to deal with; contrary. *I had to look it up.*
2. with the exception of eating garbage and smelling things
May 01

I’ve Made The Switch

birdmandesk

I just watched the movie God’s Not Dead. It’s a Christian drama that has made me rethink my agnostic views. I know, I didn’t think it was possible for me to change my mind either, especially seeing how stubborn and strong minded I am, but it happened.

The performances of Dean Cain, Kevin Sorbo, and whoever that little puke is that portrayed Josh, along with the writing have completely swung my vote. Congratulations to all of you.

I am now a full blown, born again atheist.

That’s right, this movie was so bad that it made me sure that not only is there no God, but no omnipotent entity that is watching over us at all.

If there was, everyone involved in the making and distribution of this film would be dead1)At least maimed. right now. I question whether the Nazi propaganda was this poorly written and unbelievable during the war. I don’t think that it could be.

But Birdman, you didn’t believe in God before, why do you say “born again”?

Well, I was an atheist for probably twenty years, and then when I was about 29 I was having a discussion about religion with a very well read and well spoken fellow that posed the question, “Are you that arrogant that you can say with certainty that God doesn’t exist?”

I thought about it for a bit and decided that it was pretty shitty for me to shoot down their beliefs due to lack of proof, when I really had no proof that their god didn’t exist. I thought that being agnostic made me more tolerant to other people’s insane religions, and therefore making me a better person than the religious zealots.

Well, I am that shitty and arrogant now. Thanks, Kevin Sorbo. You fucking hack.

After watching his over the top performance as the atheist professor with the monumental slip-up, I went to the local pawn shop and bought a $4 DVD set of those low budget Hercules shows that he was in and burnt them on the front steps of the church.

Herc_Title_card

The aroma was pleasing to the lord.

The Dean Cain atheist character was probably worse, but didn’t get as much air time as fucking Herc, so I hated him a little bit less. I think that when his atheist girlfriend got cancer and he scolded, belittled, and then dumped her, that we were supposed to seethe and spit fire at how callous those atheists are.

I was too busy laughing at how preposterous the whole scene was. Luckily there was a Christian pop band there to pray for her cancer to go away, so I’m sure she’s fine now.

I guess my favourite part of the movie is at 1:392)Yes, it is that long, and yes, it feels more like seven hours. when Hercules got hit by a car in front of a couple of pastors at the end. The driver sped off and the African holy man immediately touches Herc on the stomach with four fingertips and proclaimed that his ribs were crushed and his lungs were filling with blood.

Wow. This dude is wasting his talents as a triage medic. You couldn’t even hear a gurgle when he spoke to the minister guy about not knowing Jesus, but sure enough, he died right after that guy said he didn’t have long.

Thankfully he accepted Jesus as his saviour in his final throes. Vaya con dios, young Sorbo. You died blood free and with a heart full of light. Not that it is going to help you.

You know, because he is dead. Drowned on his own blood. It silently filled his lungs, but due to Jesus or something, none of it came out his windpipe as he gasped and talked while lying on his back.  I think what made it funnier for me was when I read this on IMDB:

When commenting on the final scene with Kevin Sorbo’s character, producers of the film stated “we felt like we did a good thing. There was a sense of completion and warmth as the principle actors and extras looked over his dead, atheist body. In full Christian spirit, He did away with evil. Really a very beautiful thing. He’s not dead.”

Wow. That’s fucked up. What’s more fucked up is that the movie has a critic approval rating of about 16 at Metacritic and 17% at Rotten Tomatoes, and it still managed to gross more than 67 million. I think I’m going to write a movie about how awesome atheism is, and we’ll see what actors I can get. They will have to be better than the tripe I saw in this movie.

Now, can anyone front us a couple mill to get this show on the road?

Birdman

P.S. That douchebag from Duck Dynasty has some cameos in this too. That should keep you guessing.

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. At least maimed.
2. Yes, it is that long, and yes, it feels more like seven hours.
Apr 15

Aw Jesus, Who Invited God To The Party?

birdmandesk

Is it just a given that he’s welcome at all events? I know I’ve never told him about any party or function that I’ve ever gone to. Did you?

I know someone did, because we were at a civic awards ceremony on the weekend, and before the dinner, we were asked to bow our heads in prayer and thanks.

I, of course, did not.

Instead, I looked around the room to see if there was anyone else that either didn’t believe, or didn’t just try to conform with the crowd for fear of being labelled a heretic. There weren’t many.

I have to think that there had to be more than four percent of that room that didn’t believe in God, and if that is indeed so, then why not just sit like you normally would? Why would people want to just fit in if they don’t believe in something? That’s scary.

You know what’s scarier to me? That all of those people might believe that God really is the creator of the universe, just like the MC/Pastor said he was.

Something else that really bothered me is that after dinner there was a high school singing choir thing that did 3 songs. Two of them were about God.

It’s not a Christian high school. Or is it?

Maybe it’s just a strictly Christian town and they teach religious songs in school, because everyone there is a Christian. That could be why they say prayer at an awards ceremony, and have a minister MC the event. I mean, they must be all Christian, and I, along with the three others, were just visiting from out of town, so that’s why we seemed out of place.

But that’s not the case. I know a few people from Brighton that are non-Christian. One is Pagan, and the other’s are no religion that I know of. Our Pagan friend is one of the neatest people I’ve never met, but I’m going to hunt her down one of these days. I thought that maybe she wouldn’t want me telling you about her witchy ways, or about the tiny folk that inhabit her part of the globe, but I’m going to anyhow. I suppose that they frequent everyone’s domain, but she’s just lucky enough to have some evidence of them at her place.

One of the neat things on her blog at http://blog.pixiehill.com/

One of the neat things on her blog at http://blog.pixiehill.com/

Seriously. I just love telling people about the super cool things that she createsfinds up there on the hill. I’ve never Continue reading

Mar 14

Therapy Thursday

(This didn’t actually come as a Therapy Thursday, but as it came anonymously, I am treating it as such. Also, if you want to send us in a question or problem, go to the “Harass Us” page in the sidebar. You can put a fake email and name in there if you’re scared.)

newtherapythursday

Dear Birdman

You seem like a angry dick on your facebook. Why do you hate God so much? Why do you always try to find a reason to make fun of religion instead of just checking it out and maybe liking it. It’s pretty cool to have all of the people in your church there to back you up and they make you always feel like your a good person. Theirs alot of worse things in the world than loving God. You could be a rapist or murder people.

Love Life

mindofbirdman

Okay then. If I was an angry dick, I would start this out by correcting your grammar and calling you an inbred stump jumper. I would then tell you to go grab the old mare and give her a right good rogering.

But I’m not angry, so I won’t. The dick part, would I guess depend on who you talk to. I’m now going to respond to your questions, albeit briefly, because you sent me this at 9:55 on a Wednesday night and I have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow. Why not leave it for next week, you might ask? Well, I haven’t had a Therapy Thursday question in forever, and I kind of miss them (a lot).

I love Monty Python.

I love Monty Python.

Continue reading

Dec 11

Harry Holimas

Will that make you fuckers happy? Everybody is so up in arms about what someone says to them in a gesture of holiday spirit, that they have to post shit on Facebook about how upset and outraged they are.

It’s either keeping Christ in Christmas, Jesus being the reason, or the fact that we live in Canada, so that somehow means that everyone has to go by Christian values and the laws of the bible.

Really, hillbilly? Who the fuck are you welcoming with that statement? Your inbred cousin?

Well we don’t. Continue reading