Feb 27

It’s Not All About Religion (But It Kind Of Is)

Birdman

As I was scrolling through Google+ this morning I saw some posts by women that are supporting Donald Trump.

That’s the punchline, folks

I can understand the ignorant, white trash, racist males, and possibly the mentally challenged, but I just thought that ladies were brighter than that.

I really wish that everyone was smarter than guacamole, but if we were, people like that would never have had the opportunity to make it into a political party, let alone lead the polls. I am not sure what led to the overall dumbing down of our society, but whatever it is, it needs to change.

I look at people like Sarah and Bristol Palin, who a lot of women seem to genuinely look up to, and I wonder how that came about. It truly shocks me when I think about it.

Take Bristol, for instance. She had a baby out of wedlock, while the whole Palin clan preached family values and the Bible. After the baby was born, she split up with Levi Johnson and became a spokesperson for abstinence. Now she has had another baby out of wedlock and split up with the father of that one as well.

Two babies with two different daddies while preaching the bible and abstinence to the masses should not be a catalyst to fame and fortune via book deals, movie deals, and speaking engagements. She is getting between $15000-$30000 per speaking engagement and I believe $262000 for her work at Candie’s Foundation. None of this is counting her blogging, TV and movie earnings, book deals, or the $380 she made from selling weed behind the Qwikee Mart.1)That last part is a joke that started as her giving handjobs, but I figured I should change it to something that is less likely, in case of a lawsuit, you see.

I guess I am getting off topic.

What it is that women are looking for in their life?

It seems possible that they like oppression, misogyny, and lower wages. At least some of them do. How else can you explain women that vote Republican, and moreover, women who vote Trump?

I’m not saying that men should vote for him either, but at least men have a bit more to gain in the end. Not that I think any actual people would benefit from Trump being the President, but if anyone will, the large majority of them will be men.

Which brings me to religion and how it is still brainwashing women into believing that men are the stronger, smarter, more dominant sex.

2)I know that this book is written from a Christian standpoint, but I think that the fact he condemns the horrible treatment of women in the name of any religion a giant leap, plus he left the Southern Baptist Convention because they outlawed any women holding title in the organisation. His wife and himself had been members since their birth, I believe.

You can’t tell me that the societal norms of today aren’t directly affected by the Bible. I believe that given an equal playing field, women would dominate men in almost every aspect of life. I know that we will still take the blue ribbon in pissing contests (distance only) and maybe any food eating contest, because who would think that eating 69 hot dogs is a good idea, other than a man?

No, I am quite certain that the Bible was written to keep certain demographics in a desired place in the hierarchy, and unless you were one of god’s chosen men, or the mother of little baby Jesus, you were destined to be ruled by another.

What kind of god would want only some of his children to profit off the backs of the others?

Women, get your heads out of your asses and live up to your potential.

Anyhow, that’s how I feel about that.

Birdman

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. That last part is a joke that started as her giving handjobs, but I figured I should change it to something that is less likely, in case of a lawsuit, you see.
2. I know that this book is written from a Christian standpoint, but I think that the fact he condemns the horrible treatment of women in the name of any religion a giant leap, plus he left the Southern Baptist Convention because they outlawed any women holding title in the organisation. His wife and himself had been members since their birth, I believe.
Feb 20

Slip Slidin’ Away

birdmandesk

So after a couple of peaceful days, I was starting to get calmed down. We let the dogs out before bed and then drifted off into a peaceful dreamland.

Until 11:40. That’s when Blue started pacing. I woke up instantly and ran him outside before he started pissing in the bedroom. After letting him back in, we got back into bed and drifted off again.

Until 12:45. That’s when the retching started. Luckily I caught it before there was enough saliva to soak through the sheet into the mattress. I ran him outside and waited for a few minutes, in nothing but my underwear, until he was whining to get back in. I figured that I would put him on the couch, as we just got new bedding that day, and didn’t want it soaked with puke.

As I was walking back to the bedroom I heard the retching again and bolted for the living room to see him with his back arched and mouth wide open. I called for him to come, but he was indisposed, so I picked him up and started running for the hall with him convulsing against my chest.

I thought I was home free until my feet shot out from underneath me and I went backwards, bouncing my head off of the maple dresser that the TV sits on as the dog flew forward down the hall. When I came to, he had just finished upchucking what was left in the middle of the floor. I got up and slipped again falling in front of the door with Dover barking behind it. I think he smelled all of the food on the other side, but was upset that he couldn’t eat it. I let Blue outside and started cleaning the walls and floor with a bath towel that was in the dirty clothes. I went outside and shook the moist kibble out off the deck and went back to get the cleaner and some paper towels to get the rest of the grossness off of everything. After twenty minutes of scrubbing with a splitting headache and what I thought was a broken foot, I let Blue back in and went to the shower to get the mashed nuggets and drying grasses out of my hair and skin.

I crawled into bed at 1:15 to a sleeping wife, who woke up and asked why I showered again. I started to explain, but she was quickly out like a light.

Fast forward to about 7:45 when I heard a shriek. “DOVER PEED ON MY IPAD.”

It figures. Par for the course. Needless to say, I was at the lady’s house where I got Dover’s kennel and bought the bigger one for Blue. They will be learning to enjoy sleeping next to each other in the living room from now on.

Birdman

May 05

Furry Fandom?

birdmandesk

So I went back and read the old post, How To Properly Shag A Sheep today. I still get a kick out of it, and the fact that roughly thirty people a day, every day read that post.

It’s the sole reason that some ad companies keep sending me emails. I hadn’t written in a year, but still consistently got over a thousand hits a month from all sorts of people.

Sadly, a lot of them got there by searching for phrases like, but not limited to:

  • how to fuck sheep
  • can man fuck sheep
  • sheep vagina
  • sex with sheep

When I got to the end of the post, I noticed a bunch of comments that I hadn’t seen before. One of them, I found kind of odd and disturbing.

kobidobi

Needless to say, I responded in anger at someone who is into zoophilia calling me wicked for being froward.1)adjective 1. (of a person) difficult to deal with; contrary. *I had to look it up.* I’m still trying to figure out what any of this has to do with the Lannisters.

So anyhow, I was on this pinhead’s profile and saw a bunch of posts and videos about people dressed as stuffed animals, and while I stared at the sheer volume of them, Mrs. B came to kiss me good night. I asked her to look at it and she said, “Yeah, they’re furries. It’s a real thing.”

I, of course, had to look into it. It’s real, with conventions and everything else. People have costumes that can cost more than $10000 and some of them have sex with the costumes on. Crazy, huh? I mean, I could understand it if they were Wookies or Storm Troopers, because everybody does that. Right?

Of course I’m kidding. I don’t care who you choose to have sex with, as long as they are into it too. Dress up as Toto, and have your partner be Dorothy for all I care. Hump the living shit out of her leg and leave a stain on the ruby slippers. Fly your freak flag high and proud, I say.

Do not have sex with real animals.

I know, I shouldn’t have to tell you that, but obviously it needs to be said. Go and look at the thread with the idiot and I. He seems to think that it’s okay to have sex with whatever you want, which brings me back to the furries.

the survey was replicated in 2008, and it found 17% of respondents reported zoophilia. The older lower results, which are even lower than estimated in the general population, were due to the methodology of questioning respondents face-to-face which led to social desirability bias.

That’s from the Furry Fandom Wikipedia page.

What the fuck is wrong with people? I know that Blue loves me more than probably anything2)with the exception of eating garbage and smelling things, but I’m certain that he does not want me to fuck him.

I’m absolutely sure of it.

I’ve had lots of female dogs over the years, and many had been in heat, but not once did any of them lift her tail and puff up her vagina to lure me in. Not one time.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t fuck her even if she was asking for it in concise English. I am not into it, but that’s just me. Call me a prude.

This kobidobidog seems to be okay with it though. Unless he’s a troll, but I don’t think so. There’s too much evidence of him being really into it.

So there it is. I’m going to let the dog out for a pee, and go curl up with my sweet mama. She’s been waiting for several hours.

Word to your moms,

Birdman

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. adjective 1. (of a person) difficult to deal with; contrary. *I had to look it up.*
2. with the exception of eating garbage and smelling things
Apr 21

Trophy Hunters-The Game

birdmandesk

So I follow Ricky Gervais on Twitter, and he recently had a go at a trophy hunter on there.

  He posted this later. I suppose to explain his stance.

 And this one, which resonates with me.  

It’s a well documented spat, and it’s getting people pretty heated on both sides of the debate. Although I don’t agree with trophy hunting at all; I also don’t agree with shooting trophy hunters and raping their children, which is apparently what some people have threatened Rebecca Francis with since this feud began.

That’s just wrong.

It’s not her children’s fault that she’s their mother. It’s her parent’s fault. As for killing her, I think that I’ve come up with a (probably) legal solution to everybody’s dilemmas.

Wait for it………

A trophy hunter video game!

Yes, I know that there are plenty of trophy hunting video games on the market, but is there one that allows you to hunt other trophy hunters?

Picture it:

You could follow the hunter’s convoy from the guide’s place and sneak in after them. Once they stop for lunch and the trackers go on up ahead, you affix your silencer and begin your prone position crawl through the underbrush to where you can take the *fingers crossed* lethal shot and still have time to get the professional hunter and the trophies of your kill.

Oh yeah, there’s trophies.

Of course you need to mummify it. They will stink if you don't.

Of course you need to mummify it. They will stink if you don’t.

Once you get them mummified, you can add them to your collection.

If you drill out the core and add a stick of graphite, you will have a pretty unique pencil.

If you drill out the core and add a stick of graphite, you will have a pretty unique pencil.

I think that it will work out pretty good if we can get the animal rights people going on it. I’d give 90% of the yearly profits could go to VETPAW and Cruelty Free International, with the other 10% going to development of new games. What do you think about Backyard Breeder Beat Down for a title? It has a nice ring to it. Maybe the third could be called Matador Mayhem, where you get to hide outside of the bullfight ring and jump the bullfighters when they try to leave.

They sound awesome, right? I thought so too.1)Does anyone know any game developers? I have the ideas, but that’s about it.

While we’re on the subject of justice, did you hear about Ian Gibson, the professional hunter that was trampled by a bull elephant that he was tracking?

It’s true. I almost gave a shit about him when I read that it was a gruesome scene, but then I went back to eating licorice and wrestling with the dog. I think that it’s quite a fitting end. I hope that if I can’t get myself shot while jumping in front some innocent people at a drive by, that I will get gored by a moose as I’m lining up a shot on his father.

Circle of life, yo.

Birdman

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. Does anyone know any game developers? I have the ideas, but that’s about it.
Apr 20

Fireworks and Assholes

wpid-mindofbirdman.jpg

So last night at about 11:00 we were startled by someone shooting boomers and Roman candles off into the street and the dog got freaked out like he usually does. Blue has never been a fan of loud bangs, so it doesn’t help that we live in a town full of people that enjoy getting liquored up and igniting whatever gas station value pack of fireworks they could afford after their rent, Lucky Lager, and smokes were paid for.

This was the day before.

This was the day before.

It’s hard to watch your usually fearless friend cowering up against the wall as he trembles and stares at the door. It’s even harder when you hug him and try to calm him down. Mostly because that’s when I can feel how terrified he is, but partly because you realise that it’s going to be at least an hour before he will go outside for a pee. I often wonder what he went through before he made the trek from North Carolina to here. We know that he was afraid of beer bottles, handguns, and fireworks, but only he knows why they scare him so much.1)I’ve eased his fear of beer bottles by drinking pints and not whipping the piss out of him. It’s a work in progress. 😉

I think that a good rule is that if there are houses within earshot of you as you pull out your lighter, you should check your watch. If it is between 10 PM and 8 AM, please think about people and pets trying to sleep and not have anxiety attacks. If you still feel the need to light the fuse, please shove the powder stick as far up your ass as possible, and light away. It muffles the sound until the gurgled screaming and ambulance sirens start, but at least we can sleep through that.

Speaking of assholes…

It seems that BC is going to start policing the use of fraudulent service dogs. Yeah, that’s right, there are people that are that douchey. If you don’t have the money to pay your full vet bill, work out a deal with them ahead of time or whip off a few handies behind the pub after happy hour. Don’t pretend that you have a disability and that your dog is a trained service dog. That’s pretty bad.

It also mentions that some people do it so that they can take their dog places that normally wouldn’t allow a dog in; such as a restaurant or an airplane. If that’s why you are doing it, gently pull your knees apart and punch yourself squarely in the crotch. There are people who truly need their working companion with them, and you are making it more difficult for them to go about their daily business without being scrutinized. Like they aren’t already having a hard enough time.

Anyhow, that’s all I have to say about that.

Birdman

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. I’ve eased his fear of beer bottles by drinking pints and not whipping the piss out of him. It’s a work in progress. 😉