Oct 01

Take Me Out, Coach

That’s right, motherfuckers. We won ‘E’ champs of the Castleton Mixed Three Pitch league, and to celebrate our prowess on the field, the other teams decided to get together and throw us a party.

It was quite lovely. There was a DJ, a lovely buffet, lots of booze, which turned into lots of drunk people. There was also a slideshow that showcased all of the teams dedication to beer league slo-pitch, to go along with the handing out of awards to the champs. (Yes, there were others, not just the “E” division)

I guess I should shut up and just get to the fun stuff.

Hardcore and Mama getting ready for a night with no children.

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Feb 06


Well, it’s time to show a few of the photos from my meeting with Sebastard. He gets to be a bit of an asshole after a few beer, and I guess I might get a little yappy as well, so our little get togethers sometimes end up in a bit of a set-to. This night was no different, but because we are grown men, we let bygones be bygones, and are quite amicable by morning. They say that a picture is worth a thousand words, so I guess that this will be sufficient for today.

(Hmmmm, I wonder where my good friend is?)

(Do I have time to order pizza? I shouldn’t drink on an empty stomach)

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Jan 07

Thrift Shops, Burritos, And Soft Blues

So Chinny and I went to On The Rim for some breakfast burritos and afterwards, hit up the Hudson’s Hope Thrift Store for some stylish duds, and we scored big!!! First I’ll tell you about the burritos though, because once I start on about the jewel that Chin found, I’ll never shut up about it. OMG, I love it sooooo much!!! So we went to Deb’s restaurant, and had the breakfast burrito, and man was it good. I’ve always loved those burritos; I’m sure everything else on the breakfast menu is great too, but I just always seem to go for the burrito. If it’s after breakfast, I will then have a taco.

The way that I got to know Deb was quite odd; Aaron had told me how good the food was, so I went down there for lunch and was greeted by a sneering, surly woman. She sure didn’t seem to like the fact that I wasn’t sure how to order. There is a counter with the menu above it, so I looked, saw what I wanted and went to sit down. I wasn’t aware that you order at the counter, then go sit down and she brings your food, and she let me know how it worked, just not in a really pleasing tone. Now seeing as I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt, especially when they cook good grub, I went back another time. I don’t remember the whole thing, but she was equally as grumpy then too, so I figured that I would just keep frequenting the other establishments in town, and not waste my amazing sense of humour on this place. It was a while later that I moved into Julie and Johnny’s house, and Julie is really good friends with Deb. I had told Julie about my experiences there, and she just said that she was surprised, because Deb was such an awesome person, and there must have been something wrong.

Fast forward a month or so, and I get a call from Julie to please come down and pick her up from Deb’s, because she had been into the beer and didn’t want to drive. When I got there, she made me go inside, and then ambushed me by announcing that she had told Deb that I thought she was a bitch, and that we were going to get this sorted out, because she didn’t want her favourite people to not like each other. After about five minutes of discomfort, we were drinking, and telling stories, and I had mostly forgotten what my gripe was in the first place. It turns out that I had just misread her shortness, and when she’s doing a bunch of things at once, she is very quick to explain things, and seeing as she runs the restaurant all by herself usually, she’s always like that. Anyhow, I quite like her now, and I still love her food, so I guess Julie was pretty smart, after all.

Click on the photo for large size. Come on, try it.

You bet it’s real. Feel it. You know you want to.

Look at how shimmery that shit is











You may have guessed from the photos, that I am now the proud owner of a blue velour shirt. Chin found this gem at the Thrift Store and dared me to get it (like it took much daring). I cautiously looked at the price, expecting it to be quite unaffordable, and in turn unattainable. Beautiful things like that are usually like strippers, you get near them, and pretty soon you want to have them, but if you haven’t got a big wad of cash, you don’t get to possess  them. Luckily the ladies that volunteer there forgot to add the zeros to the tag, and I was able to pick it up for three dollars. As I was yelling “Start the car!” to Chin, I realized that he couldn’t get in, because the door is still broken. After he Luke Duked it into the passenger window, we headed back to Aaron and Lannie’s to try on the wondrous piece of sex that is my new shirt. I guess I should say that I tried it on; for whatever reason, Chinbag wasn’t interested, so whatever, it’s his loss. He did, however, get to photograph me in it, so I’m sure that slaked his thirst for the shirt, for a little while anyhow.

Even Sonny is humbled by the sheer luxury of it.

Yeah, you know how bad you want it











I can’t wait to wear this on our sunny Valentine vacation. I’m going to rock the beaches of the Dominican, or wherever we go, and I’m doing it in style. They won’t know what hit them. They’ll be thinking I screwed up, and went there instead of Monte Carlo or Ibiza or some other place that mucky mucks go.

Chinstrap and I went up to John and Julie’s after our Mexican dinner, and I had a couple of beer while he watched me drink them. Well, I guess we did a little more than that; Johnny told Chin about how they got the loaves flowing smoothly again, and Julie told us about their oldest girl getting engaged, so they’re (she’s) pretty excited. I got to play with Daisy, who got bit by a dog that she attacked, and then developed OLD (Obsessive Licking Disorder) , and had to wear a cone. She just got the cone off in time for our visit, so there was a bit of excitement on her part too. I wish we lived closer to each other, because I really miss hanging out with my friends like I used too. Playing hubcap golf, shooting goats with rubber arrowheads, and partaking in some Bombay gin, in the only form I can handle it in, the Johnny Special. Unfortunately they won’t be able to make it to Ontario for our upcoming nuptials, but they will be there in spirit.

You’ve got to pick up every stitch,


Jan 02

Of New Year’s Eve, Shenanigans, And Fresh Ink

This is mostly going to be a picture and video post, because that’s how I feel.

I tried a couple of new kinds of beer last night, and one of them was not too bad, It was called Winter Ale, by Great Lakes Brewery, the other one was actually quite bad, it was called Winter Beard and it was chocolate flavoured. I tried a whole bunch of shots of different things, and some were good. Some others were not so good. Actually, the only one I wasn’t fond of was the Chinese tequila, and I guess the Sauza as well. I like tequila if there’s lemon and salt, but just drinking that shit straight isn’t in the top ten of my favourite boozes. Gadget brought the Mamajuana, and I did like that stuff, but everyone else seemed to think it wasn’t worth even drinking. I got that impression when people ran away as we poured it. You can see the video of  that coming up next.

As you might have guessed, we spent some time at the bar…

Gadget brought the good stuff

She had some of everything

There was some dancing…

Fuck you Cooper, I’m leading

Everybody say “Whoop, there it is”

It’s not a mistletoe Wayne



There were photo shoots…


Mmmmm, drunk chicks

Our hosts were terribly happy







So sparkly, they must be in Vegas, right?

And more photo shoots…


Fuck he’s handsome

He’s getting lucky after, you can tell by that smile





They’re both disgustingly tall

There were sexy photo shoots…


Seriously Gadget, am I the only one into this?

Gadget’s in almost all the sexy photos






Looks like I left a little too early

Who doesn’t love drunk chicks kissing?

This is how wife swapping starts. Shouldn’t they be smiling a lot more than that?









Maybe I’m biased, but this is giving me wood

And there was just plain old craziness…

We’re not short, he’s freakishly tall


I think you need smaller frames, and maybe a bit more squareness









Hey, is that the new Sanchez?

Things got a little freaky, but we don’t judge














That is by no means the end of it. We still have to see the tats that were so tastefully done. Here’s some of Mrs. Birdman’s handiwork…

That’s dead on, if you ask me.

Who doesn’t love a mock nipple piercing?














And now for Gadget’s artsy drawings. (editor’s note: I was asked to please not show the one on my chest, because of how vile and disgusting it was, so I’m not going to. As much as I believe in freedom of expression, I believe in safe and happy cocooning more.) He is definitely on his way to becoming one of Wicklow’s foremost tattoo artists, as you can tell by these…

Yep, the other one is way worse

I feel that this is his masterpiece.

I should probably mention that Gadget was going to do an 8 ball on my neck, and a couple of teardrops under my eyes, but the fun police jumped in and put a soul crushing stop to our festive spirits.

This is what the fun police look like. Beware.

Now the final bit of archived footage from the party, unless someone else sends some in, is coming up next. We couldn’t put all of the photos up here, but they will all be on the Facebook page, so if you check it out, you’ll see the infamous tattoo, that will never be seen on this blog.

Well, there’s not much left to tell you all. We hope that 2012 will be better than 2011, and not because 2011 wasn’t amazing, because it was, but I’m greedy and I want more health and happiness in for all of my friends. I can honestly say that we think of you as our friends (the ones who interact with us, anyhow), and I don’t think that it cheapens a friendship if we’ve never physically met. We appreciate every single one of you that reads this blog, and we hope you will keep reading, and following Chin, Mrs. Birdman, and myself through this crazy, exciting, and fun thing that we call life. we raise our glasses to you, and hope for the best in the coming year, and years for each and every one of you.

We would have put a picture of Chin in here, but he hasn’t supplied us with any.


We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet for auld lang syne,

Birdman and Mrs. Birdman

P.S. I want to thank my soul partner for making this blog possible. If it weren’t for her, it would be nothing but cell phone pics and my words. I think that we can all agree, that it’s not enough to keep you riveted to your computer screen, as you most likely are every day. She knows that I appreciate everything that she does, but I think that the readers should know that she puts as much of her soul into this blog as I do, and a hell of a lot more talent. So if you see her out and about, maybe you could give her a pat on the back, and as much money as you have on your person, because she deserves it, and we would like to retire soon.