Feb 04

Woo Hoo!!!

Yay, we are celebrating.

We are going to hit 15000 page views today, even if I have to go to everyone’s house and type the address in myself. When I started writing my thoughts down on here, just over four months ago, I never dreamed of getting to 1500 page views, let alone 15000. I have you to thank for that, so thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. It makes me feel like much less of a loser when people say nice things, and read things I’ve written. I am a truly lucky man, and I’m constantly humbled by all of you. Continue reading

Jan 19

Tale of Two Blogs

I mentioned in some earlier posts about an e-book I got from the Simple Dude. There were all kinds of hints to building a bigger blog, but I thought that most of them seemed cheap and sell outish. I was later thinking that I should try them out, like the book says, to see if they even work, and voila! I now own another blog. It’s completely different than this blog, and I will never tell you the address, because if I did, it would tamper with my findings. I just want to see whether, if I change who I am, I can be a successful blogger. I realize that I should tone down my language, and twisted sense of humour, and I really have, even for this blog. There are some pretty foul thoughts that go through my brain, and it would take a pretty special person to understand that it’s just some of the things that I find funny, or weird.

This guy knows funny

That’s one thing I love about the Missus. She gets me, and she keeps me in check, but not by censoring me. I’ll run something by her, and she will tell me whether it’s funny, or not. If it’s funny, it’s funny. It doesn’t matter what language is in it, or how gross it is. It’s either funny, or it isn’t funny. Sometimes it’s downright hilarious, but because it is a little too raunchy, we don’t put it in the blog. Sometimes she suggests that I don’t put something in the blog, and I do anyhow, and then some people quit reading. Those usually are posts of murdering animals, and I have to agree with her, that they are quite graphic and sad, but I always feel that I have to be as honest as I can with you. That’s why I’m telling you about this new blog. It’s completely different than Change The Topic, because there is no swearing, no real humour (just that dumbed down shit), and no real names. It’s totally anonymous, and it is also a lot of fiction.

I already give you guys all of my real life, and I don’t have a lot of writing time right now, so I’m just putting a paragraph or two of filler in there. That will likely change when I get home, and have a bit of free time. I can tell you folks that read this blog, that I will keep you updated when I start actually following the steps in that other book, because I want you to know  how things go. Who knows, it just might work!!! I may become a financially successful blogger, and all I’d have to do is change a few things about how I write. Apparently if you follow this guys advice, the people that follow you will be telling all of their friends about your blog, and they try to promote each other as well, so if it works out like they say, I’ll be getting like 10000 hits a week within a year. I should also add that you have to have decent content as well. I can’t just copy shit from the internet, and expect people to give a damn about it. Who knows, maybe it’ll just be mediocre, and random, like this one, but I’m going to try to focus on the subject, and keep my eye on the prize.

And it's made in Canada

 

Yeah, I hustle pool. It pays the bills.

Maybe when I’m raking in the millions, and buying everyone subscribed to Change The Topic an electric car, I’ll feel like I’m doing something worthwhile. Another way that I can get that feeling, is to look into Mrs. Birdman’s eyes when she is adoring me in the cocoon, or look in my Mom’s face when I give her that hug she’s waiting for. Those are the things that matter, and as nice as it would be to not have to worry about money, it’s way better to not have to worry about whether anyone loves you. This may seem a little arrogant, but I feel like I am well loved by a lot of people, and in turn, I give that love back. There is a reason that I have so much love around me, and it’s because I surround myself with positive, free thinking, generous people, that aren’t afraid to give someone a compliment, an encouraging word or a big hug whenever they want to. They aren’t trying to “one up” each other, or push someone else down, just to make their life seem better. They want people to succeed at whatever they do, and are always there to help in any way they can. It’s pretty nice that we can actually say that we are proud to have the friends we do. We feel that we’ve accomplished something tremendous when we look around at their smiling faces, and realize that we have more true friends, than most people have acquaintances.

I really mean that. Mrs. Birdman has often remarked at how many friends we now have. I have always taken it for granted, because I seem to be attracted to genuine people, and usually become friends with them. I had always thought that everyone was like that. She assured me that it wasn’t so, and then I started thinking. I began looking at people that were close to me, and thinking about how many friends they have. Some of them had tons, but most had a few close friends, and then the rest were acquaintances. I began to wonder why that was? Maybe they have trust issues, were burned before, or just don’t like people very much. I would really love to know, because we are sort of the opposite, and I don’t understand why everyone doesn’t go out and get a shitload of friends, and have fun with them. I know that’s what I’m planning to do for the rest of my life. I’m going to enjoy the company of people that I admire, respect, and truly like being around. I really can’t think of anything else that I’d like better, because I’ve been a truck driver for the last thirteen years, and have spent most of it alone.

Now it’s my turn to shine, baby.

We sure had fun the last time that we were down there, and when we woke up you had that weird tattoo, and somebody had curled my hair,

Birdman

P.S. We received a somewhat delicate question for Therapy Thursday, and Mrs. Hankey, don’t worry, we will get to it, but it will take a while for me to be able to figure out how to answer that one. Thanks for sending it in.

Jan 14

I guess I should write something new

Don’t ask me why, but I just feel obligated. I guess it could be that I’ve taken on this commitment and enjoy it more than most things that I do. I don’t know why anyone would want to read about my life, but I’m more than happy to share it with you. So brace yourself for the story of the century, because Chin and I did it up right today.

It started at 5:15 am, when I awoke with a start. It seems that I had set my alarm wrong, so I was trying to pick up my phone and figure out how to shut that bitch down. I then realized that it was no mistake; I am working in some sort of hell, where it’s dark and hilly, and you don’t sleep very much. I packed my gear and met Chin at the car, where we danced like no one was watching. A few people actually were watching out of the window and laughing. I think they were laughing with us, because every time I’d smile and laugh while throwing my head back, they would let out a guffaw like you’ve never heard.

We then headed for Tim Horton’s to get Chin’s elixir of the fabled, while I had a green tea, and dreamed of days when I didn’t have to get up so God damned early. We went from there to the shop, to grab the steam truck from the wash bay, and we threw our stuff in it. It’s nice to get past the scales before they open, because neither of us have done up a log book in forever, and then we take that hilly jaunt down highway 29 towards Hudson’s Hope. We jump off at the Farrell Creek Rd. and trek the twenty six kilometres into camp, where we had a delicious breakfast, served by some attractive young ladies, and got some lovely wraps made up in a style that’s slightly reminiscent of Subway. When we were all grubbed up, we drove to the job site down the road and met up with Carl, who didn’t really want us there yet, so he sent us to see Kevin.

Unfortunately Kevin did want us. We are in high demand; the Chin and I, so we unleashed our spool of high pressure/high heat hose and started to furiously wash equipment and pickups. Aaron was there as well, and we ran into Kramer briefly, but didn’t get a chance to talk to him. Aaron kinda slipped into some old habits, so we weren’t able to talk to him much. It seems that it doesn’t matter how old you get; boys always love to play in the dirt. I was transported back in time when I saw him jump up into the hoe with a smile on his face. A time when my life was simpler, but not as full as it is now. When we just worked and played, and nothing seemed to matter much at all to us. I suppose I had a little grin as I watched him climb up there as well, because there are few things that makes me as happy as seeing him smile.

That's not Aaron, it's some guy in Colorado

Before you think I’m getting all Brokeback on you, I’m not. I got thinking about his shit-eating grin as we were packing up and ready to leave, and he sprung one last Cat on us that we didn’t know we had to wash. I begrudgingly went back to tell Chindaddy that we weren’t in fact done yet, like I’d told him, and as we were passing Aaron, Wayne, and Carl, Chin said “Look at him grinning”, and I did. First I thought he meant Carl, who probably has the most unique shit-eating grin that you’ll ever see, but then noticed the smile on Aaron’s face. He’s never been much good at hiding emotion, and that’s probably why I like him so much. Everything is genuine, and you can usually tell if he’s ticked off about something. I like knowing where I stand, and he always lets you know if you are pissing him off. Oh shit, my alarm just went off to get me up; I guess I fell asleep writing…again. Oh well, serves me right for thinking I could pull the coffee table up to the bed and just be “more comfortable”. Looks like this post is a little late, and I’m sorry, but not horribly sorry. I obviously needed some more sleep.

That's not Aaron either. My buddy Mike took this up in Helmet. Not pretty

Back to my pal Aaron, and his purty smile. He has this charming, boyish smile, that I have always loved seeing. Not because I find it attractive, but because it’s completely transparent. If you see it, it means that he’s really happy at that moment. It could be anything that puts it there, a joke, getting onto a machine that was a full time job, so many years ago, or when he’s talking about funny things that happened in days gone by. What I find inspiring, is the smile he gets when he’s with his family. They are the most important things in his world, and it shows when he watches them doing something. Maybe it’s the boys playing with their cars, or Lannie washing their faces after a hearty meal of pizza (it would seem it was just the sauce). Whatever is the cause of that smile; he doesn’t seem to know he’s doing it, and it’s infectious. Sometimes I just think about it at random times, and immediately call him up, because I enjoy hearing his voice, and finding out what’s happening in his life. It’s one of those things that I’d never thought too much about until yesterday, but now that I’ve written this, I’ll remember for next time. I guess I’ll leave off with a picture of my buddy’s smile, and I’ll let you judge for yourselves. There are many reasons why he’s one of my best friends, and that’s probably the one that got the ball rolling. I can’t wait to have him stand by me as I marry the woman of my dreams this summer, and I’m so happy that they will be able to make the long trek across the country.

I'm not saying what put this smile there, but they say that anything goes in Thailand

Do you like the way that you aren’t going to learn about the epic things that happened to Chin and I, because I spent too much time off topic? You can blame Aaron for that.

Pancho was a bandit boys, his horse was fast as polished steel
Wore his gun outside his pants, for all the honest world to feel,

Birdman

Jan 11

I get down sometimes

image Some days I wonder how screwed up I really am. Today was one of those days.  I don’t know why, I just felt like a bag of busted nuts today. For you, that means yesterday, because I almost always write these the night before, and because you are reading this in the future, I need you to pretend that the present is the past. Got that? Then let’s get on with it. I’m sitting here in the Northwoods Inn in Fort St. John, BC, and I’m trying to get a handle on how far gone I am, mentally. I mean compared to others of course, because that’s the only true way to gauge your mental health.

You know that I’m kidding, right? I know that everyone has problems with varying degrees of severity, and that every person handles things differently. What I want to know is what should a person’s breaking point be, and what happens when someone hits that breaking point? Lots of time’s I’ve thought I had hit mine, but then I wonder and start second guessing myself. I’ve never contemplated suicide, cutting, or firing potshots into any group of people, so I guess my little anxiety attacks are relatively mild. Even though it feels like a big empty hole in my heart, I have to step back and look at myself from a different angle. Kind of like when I try to back a trailer into a tight spot, and fail several times in a row. I start to get frustrated, and ride the brakes, which in turn drains the air out and stops the truck. While the truck is airing back up, I get out, walk around the truck and trailer, and curse a lot. While I’m doing this, I’m gaining a new perspective, and seeing my situation in a different light. I can usually jump back in, and hit the dock within a couple of tries after that. It’s just getting out to look at it.

Life’s like that too. You get into patterns that you don’t like, but because you keep doing the same thing all the time, you find it hard to see what you need to do to change it. Maybe you just need to see it from someone else’s point of view, or alter one thing to upset the constant circle of events. I don’t know what I need to do about my little bouts of depression, except to write things down. I know that I can jot down a problem that I might not be able to say out loud, and I have no doubts that people will try to help me, because I have the greatest life partner, family and friends that there are. Before you try to figure out how to help me, realize that in reading something I have written, and enjoying it, thinking about it, and responding to it is actually what helps me get through whatever it is that I’m writing about. I’m not saying that you have to publicly comment,although I do love that, because it might be personal, but you could email me, send a message through Facebook, or call me.

I have no qualms about telling anyone who takes the time to read, exactly what is going through my head. I don’t know why I’m like this, but I suspect that there are a lot of people that feel the same. I guess that when I’m talking to someone, they feel the need to try and solve my problems, but that’s totally not the case. I understand the desire to help people, and I do it to, but most of the time I just want to hear what I’m saying, and how ridiculous it sounds. Joey is probably my best friend, because I can go to him and unload all of my buckets of drudgery, and he nods and listens, and at the end will say something like “Wanna go get some wings?” or “Let’s go get some hookers and a bottle of peach schnapps”. Do you know why I like that? It’s because those are three of my favourite things, and Joe doesn’t know how to solve my problems. Just like I don’t know how to solve his. I’ll enable and support him through his problems, but I can’t do it for him. It’s just the way things work in life. You can help people do things, but if you do the things for them, you aren’t helping them at all.

There, now I feel pretty good, and all I had to do was write down a few paragraphs on Chin’s iPad (I forgot my laptop), after brushing my teeth with the toothbrush he gave me (I lost mine). I will then email it to my phone that is charging on the cord that Chin lent me, which is different than the one he lent me today so I could charge in the steamer (Sometimes I forget things). Chin mentioned tonight that there was only one post that he could remember me flattering him in, and if there is, I’m sorry. Anyone who really knows me, knows that I do not flatter people. If I compliment someone it is heartfelt and true in my eyes and mind, because if I can’t find something good to say about you, there is no way in hell that I’d be talking to you. That being said, I’m very glad that Chin decided to come out here with me, because not only is he thoughtful, smart, and funny, he is also honourable, honest, and generous. He is an excellent travelling companion, and quite a charmer with the ladies. I’m glad I was able to see through his cynical, snarky outer shell, and get to know the guy I’ve come to depend on so much on this trip. I wish him all the best, and no matter where his path leads him, he will always be welcome wherever I am, and as with any of my friends, I will accept his collect calls from jail. I am now pledging my first born to him, but not because I’m to old to look after a baby, honest.

Oh, and to be clear, I’m very tired, and I really miss my family and friends. That was why I was so whiny earlier, but I’ve quit dwelling on the negative, and started focusing on the fact that I love you guys. You are what keeps me going, and even though you bastards didn’t share my well made video yesterday, I still look forward to burdening you with my problems for years to come. Thanks for reading my mind, my heart, and my stories, and thanks for all of the comments, to those of you that take the time. We really do appreciate any feedback we can get, and while I can’t speak for everyone, I always try to respond. Not because I feel I have to, because I like to.

So while you sit back and wonder why, I got this fucking thorn in my side,

Birdman

P.S. I received a comment that the posts are too long, and too much to read. I thought I should check with everyone else, just to see if I should shorten them down. Let me know, either here or on the Facebook page, or wherever you see fit. I try to do a thousand words a day, but that’s just a guideline.

P.S.S. I re-read the post and realized there was no swearing, so I changed the lyric from I can see her lyin’ back in her satin dress, in a room where ya do what ya don’t confess, by Gordon Lightfoot. Haha

Jan 07

Thrift Shops, Burritos, And Soft Blues

So Chinny and I went to On The Rim for some breakfast burritos and afterwards, hit up the Hudson’s Hope Thrift Store for some stylish duds, and we scored big!!! First I’ll tell you about the burritos though, because once I start on about the jewel that Chin found, I’ll never shut up about it. OMG, I love it sooooo much!!! So we went to Deb’s restaurant, and had the breakfast burrito, and man was it good. I’ve always loved those burritos; I’m sure everything else on the breakfast menu is great too, but I just always seem to go for the burrito. If it’s after breakfast, I will then have a taco.

The way that I got to know Deb was quite odd; Aaron had told me how good the food was, so I went down there for lunch and was greeted by a sneering, surly woman. She sure didn’t seem to like the fact that I wasn’t sure how to order. There is a counter with the menu above it, so I looked, saw what I wanted and went to sit down. I wasn’t aware that you order at the counter, then go sit down and she brings your food, and she let me know how it worked, just not in a really pleasing tone. Now seeing as I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt, especially when they cook good grub, I went back another time. I don’t remember the whole thing, but she was equally as grumpy then too, so I figured that I would just keep frequenting the other establishments in town, and not waste my amazing sense of humour on this place. It was a while later that I moved into Julie and Johnny’s house, and Julie is really good friends with Deb. I had told Julie about my experiences there, and she just said that she was surprised, because Deb was such an awesome person, and there must have been something wrong.

Fast forward a month or so, and I get a call from Julie to please come down and pick her up from Deb’s, because she had been into the beer and didn’t want to drive. When I got there, she made me go inside, and then ambushed me by announcing that she had told Deb that I thought she was a bitch, and that we were going to get this sorted out, because she didn’t want her favourite people to not like each other. After about five minutes of discomfort, we were drinking, and telling stories, and I had mostly forgotten what my gripe was in the first place. It turns out that I had just misread her shortness, and when she’s doing a bunch of things at once, she is very quick to explain things, and seeing as she runs the restaurant all by herself usually, she’s always like that. Anyhow, I quite like her now, and I still love her food, so I guess Julie was pretty smart, after all.

Click on the photo for large size. Come on, try it.

You bet it’s real. Feel it. You know you want to.

Look at how shimmery that shit is

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You may have guessed from the photos, that I am now the proud owner of a blue velour shirt. Chin found this gem at the Thrift Store and dared me to get it (like it took much daring). I cautiously looked at the price, expecting it to be quite unaffordable, and in turn unattainable. Beautiful things like that are usually like strippers, you get near them, and pretty soon you want to have them, but if you haven’t got a big wad of cash, you don’t get to possess  them. Luckily the ladies that volunteer there forgot to add the zeros to the tag, and I was able to pick it up for three dollars. As I was yelling “Start the car!” to Chin, I realized that he couldn’t get in, because the door is still broken. After he Luke Duked it into the passenger window, we headed back to Aaron and Lannie’s to try on the wondrous piece of sex that is my new shirt. I guess I should say that I tried it on; for whatever reason, Chinbag wasn’t interested, so whatever, it’s his loss. He did, however, get to photograph me in it, so I’m sure that slaked his thirst for the shirt, for a little while anyhow.

Even Sonny is humbled by the sheer luxury of it.

Yeah, you know how bad you want it

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can’t wait to wear this on our sunny Valentine vacation. I’m going to rock the beaches of the Dominican, or wherever we go, and I’m doing it in style. They won’t know what hit them. They’ll be thinking I screwed up, and went there instead of Monte Carlo or Ibiza or some other place that mucky mucks go.

Chinstrap and I went up to John and Julie’s after our Mexican dinner, and I had a couple of beer while he watched me drink them. Well, I guess we did a little more than that; Johnny told Chin about how they got the loaves flowing smoothly again, and Julie told us about their oldest girl getting engaged, so they’re (she’s) pretty excited. I got to play with Daisy, who got bit by a dog that she attacked, and then developed OLD (Obsessive Licking Disorder) , and had to wear a cone. She just got the cone off in time for our visit, so there was a bit of excitement on her part too. I wish we lived closer to each other, because I really miss hanging out with my friends like I used too. Playing hubcap golf, shooting goats with rubber arrowheads, and partaking in some Bombay gin, in the only form I can handle it in, the Johnny Special. Unfortunately they won’t be able to make it to Ontario for our upcoming nuptials, but they will be there in spirit.

You’ve got to pick up every stitch,

Birdman