Apr 20

Fireworks and Assholes

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So last night at about 11:00 we were startled by someone shooting boomers and Roman candles off into the street and the dog got freaked out like he usually does. Blue has never been a fan of loud bangs, so it doesn’t help that we live in a town full of people that enjoy getting liquored up and igniting whatever gas station value pack of fireworks they could afford after their rent, Lucky Lager, and smokes were paid for.

This was the day before.

This was the day before.

It’s hard to watch your usually fearless friend cowering up against the wall as he trembles and stares at the door. It’s even harder when you hug him and try to calm him down. Mostly because that’s when I can feel how terrified he is, but partly because you realise that it’s going to be at least an hour before he will go outside for a pee. I often wonder what he went through before he made the trek from North Carolina to here. We know that he was afraid of beer bottles, handguns, and fireworks, but only he knows why they scare him so much.1)I’ve eased his fear of beer bottles by drinking pints and not whipping the piss out of him. It’s a work in progress. ;)

I think that a good rule is that if there are houses within earshot of you as you pull out your lighter, you should check your watch. If it is between 10 PM and 8 AM, please think about people and pets trying to sleep and not have anxiety attacks. If you still feel the need to light the fuse, please shove the powder stick as far up your ass as possible, and light away. It muffles the sound until the gurgled screaming and ambulance sirens start, but at least we can sleep through that.

Speaking of assholes…

It seems that BC is going to start policing the use of fraudulent service dogs. Yeah, that’s right, there are people that are that douchey. If you don’t have the money to pay your full vet bill, work out a deal with them ahead of time or whip off a few handies behind the pub after happy hour. Don’t pretend that you have a disability and that your dog is a trained service dog. That’s pretty bad.

It also mentions that some people do it so that they can take their dog places that normally wouldn’t allow a dog in; such as a restaurant or an airplane. If that’s why you are doing it, gently pull your knees apart and punch yourself squarely in the crotch. There are people who truly need their working companion with them, and you are making it more difficult for them to go about their daily business without being scrutinized. Like they aren’t already having a hard enough time.

Anyhow, that’s all I have to say about that.

Birdman

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. I’ve eased his fear of beer bottles by drinking pints and not whipping the piss out of him. It’s a work in progress. ;)
Apr 17

The Plan

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First off, I want to wish my dear mother a happy 40th birthday. She’s been younger than me for three years now, and in better physical shape for about seven. I love you, Mom. Thanks for always taking care of me.

********************************************************

I guess I should update anybody that gives a shit about us moving out west. I have already moved and did the address change and everything, but Mrs.B and the girls are coming out in July, after school is done. We will be moving to Hudson’s Hope, BC which is about an hour from Fort St. John and around half an hour from Chetwynd.

We are also starting to plan an off-grid life for after we get out there. For simplicity, and because we are fed up with our consumerist society. Well, me more than Mrs. B, but she’s not far behind. I’ve been wanting this for a lot longer than she has. I guess this is our way of starting up the steps to freedom.

Not everybody’s freedom, mind you. A lot of you will find freedom in a big home, with a brand new truck and a bunch of toys in the garage. That’s perfectly fine for you and I hope you get it. It just doesn’t work for me. I’m ready to find my Walden Pond.

When we first get to HH, we will live in town in an affordable home and start looking for an acreage with a water source and a nice view of some sort of mountain. I’m thinking that it will take 3-5 years to get the land, clear a lot, and set up some sort of agricultural area (pasture, shelter, garden, etc…) near where the house will be built.

That might be totally off, but it seems doable to me. By the time we get to the point of building the house, the kids will be old enough to fend for themselves if they don’t feel like partaking in a much simpler life. They will be welcome to join us in our effort to be self sustaining, but I imagine that they will want to pursue the dream of acquiring all of the shit that every kid wants.

Have at it, kids. When I was young, I wanted to own an island. I still do. Believe me, if I win the lottery, or get my show on the air1)Do any of you know how to pitch things to networks? , I will be buying a largish island and building a self sustaining community on that sumbitch.

Anyhow, I need to go have a beauty nap. We’re going to see The Spirits at The Station in Port Hope tonight. They are so good. That’s one thing I’m going to miss about this area; the amazing live music scene. If you can’t get out to see them tonight, you can catch them tomorrow in Cobourg. Check out their page for info.

Birdman

P.S. Did you see the awesome footnote plugin I installed? When you see a number like this2)You can hover over it, or see them at the bottom of the post. So awesomely awesome

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. Do any of you know how to pitch things to networks?
2. You can hover over it, or see them at the bottom of the post. So awesomely awesome
May 05

I’m Going Back To The Land

mindofbirdman

But not in a good way.

Yet.

I’m heading back out west in the morning, and I’m not looking forward to it. I know that I never am, but this time it seems harder. Like having to cut off your own leg kind of harder.

I guess everything is harder when I think about it. Life just seems to get tougher as you get older. Better, but tougher nonetheless. Take the internet for example. It’s here to make our lives better, and in some ways it does. I couldn’t imagine not being able to look up anything that I wondered about at the drop of a hat. The knowledge that I gain from having that privilege is immense.

Then there is the part of the internet that isn’t quite as helpful, but helps to pass the time. You know, for when you are bored, sitting on the toilet, or maybe don’t feel like going out on a Friday night.

Social Media.

Sure it lets you keep up to date with who and what your friends are doing, what coffee and supper looks like, and how cute cats are, but it doesn’t take much to get addicted to it. I know. It happened to me.

As most of you probably know, I quit Facebook recently. Strangely enough, I don’t miss it. I miss a lot of the people, but some of the important ones have joined G+, and the ones who didn’t probably don’t need to get a hold of me anyhow.

No_twitter

I watched this yesterday. Two days after telling Mrs. Birdman that Twitter was getting the axe next. They have been ticking me off lately, what with them sending me notifications about who all of my followers are following. Like I care that they’ve all decided to follow Visa back, or whatever the case may be. Oh, and I have just figured out that there is no value in it for me. Anyhow, this really hit home.

It got me thinking about a lot of things, and one was that I need to stop wasting time online. There’s life out there, and procrastinating with my face tanned from the glow of my phone screen isn’t helping anything. I like information, and I need to start using the internet for what it was made for, which I’m certain isn’t trading cat photos and masturbation.

I need to start using the few years that I have left to do things.

Big things.

Important things.

Things like growing food, creating, and enjoying my time with friends and loved ones, which I suppose are one in the same. I love my family, and shouldn’t be spending my time socking away as many hours as I can work, so that I can come home and be depressed about either having no money, or having to leave the love of my life to go back to work in an industry that I only partially agree with.

For twenty some odd years, I have been thinking, wishing, and dreaming about buying a piece of property for cash and building an earthship home on it. Granted, that would take a lot more money than we have, so I guess we’ll have to just keep on working and dreaming. Dreaming of the day where I can get up in the morning, collect the eggs, move the chicken house over to some fresh grass, and empty the compost toilet.

A lot of people don’t understand the appeal of it, but I know that there are a lot that do, so I know I’m not alone. As I was researching I came across this guy.

His videos were interesting, especially this one. I can relate to his feelings, but not to his past. I find it interesting that so many people from such different walks of life are interested in the shift to more simple living. There are doctors, lawyers, truckers, and probably any other occupation that you can think of that just want to get the hell out of the rat race and slow down to a snail’s pace. I think it’s got to be that people are stopping to think about what they’re doing and realizing that everything that they have been taught all of their life is a big load of BS.

If you get a chance, check out The Story of Stuff Project

If you get a chance, check out The Story of Stuff Project

Whatever the individual reasons are, I am very happy to see people figuring things out, even if it is such a tiny percentage. People can see that things need to change and they are effecting the change themselves. That makes my heart smile.

Anyhow, I should go crawl into bed with the most beautiful soul that a person could know, and see if I can get my feet warmed up. I’ve got a long day of travelling and feeding the corporate machines.

For now.

Birdman

Feb 20

I’m All Fired Up

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Remember a few weeks ago when I went to Winnipeg for a blog conference? It was the shizz. I started to tell you about it, but got sidetracked by a bunch of stuff, like the new blog, going to camp, and The Savvy’s birthday party.

What the conference did was got me writing and thinking again. Not so much here, but I’m going to try and split my time up between the two blogs. Now that Aiming Low has been suspended, I will have a bit more time for my own thing.

Yeah, Anissa has been sick since December or something, and she wants to get healthy and spend time with her family. How selfish. Nah, I don’t blame her at all, but I’m still a little bit sad about it. I enjoyed having a deadline, as strange as that sounds, and I’ll miss all of the Google group firings and tomfoolery. If it hadn’t been for my AL posts, I wouldn’t have written anything for a couple of months.

Yipes!

That’s why I needed to go to the Peg. I knew months before I went, that I was going to start a new blog, but that was the kick in the arse that I needed. I had forgotten how exciting blogging was when I first started.

Researching, typing, finding photos, reading, correcting, and re-reading for hours, and then you get to hit that “Publish” button.

It doesn't looks as ominous as it used to.

It doesn’t looks as ominous as it used to.

And you wait.

Will they like it? Will anyone even read it? How many people will be offended by the “C” word? I hope they share it. They probably won’t, but I still hope they will.

These are the things that go through my head, and then I go to bed. When I wake up, I’m sharing it around and checking the stats (today’s post took the lead by 3). As much as I feel foolish admitting it, it really is a rush.

For me. Probably not for you.

On Change The Topic, I rarely ever look at the stats anymore. I will if I write a post that I really put a lot into, but that has been less and less lately. I still need the old girl, but things have changed.

I think it’s like my mom’s Swiss steak, it always makes me feel good, but Reboot is like sitting down to a whole bunch of shared plates at our favourite Thai restaurant. It’s an assortment of exciting flavours, and because Harry doesn’t hear as well as he used to, it’s a crap shoot as to whether you will get your basil beef in any sort of mild form.

If you know me, you know that I’m not always mild. It doesn’t make me a bad person.

My Point

I just wanted to let you all know what is going on in my world. If you care.

Oh, I’m in a way better camp now. It’s the Wonowon Lodge. If you end up working in the area, this is way better than the Super 96. Just a heads up.

Speaking of camps, we have a reviewer who is going to be submitting reviews of camps that he has been to. He’s sort of like Smarty Pantaloons, but I don’t believe he’s addicted to any sort of household cleaner. That won’t be here, if he writes like he talks.

I’m looking forward to coming home in March. I have a urologist appointment to find out why there is blood in my urine. The ultrasound found a cyst, but my doctor said that’s common, and it shouldn’t cause any bleeding.

That’s not why I’m looking forward to it though. I want to go to this.

It's going to be SAH-WEET!!!

It’s going to be SAH-WEET!!! Click the link above, or contact someone to get your tickets.

I can’t even imagine what kind of shenanigans there will be. I won’t have had any libations since the 8th of February, so I should be in fine form. I hope that some of you will come out to this and get your party on with me. I probably need to flush my system for the urologist on the next Tuesday and I might need help holding the funnel.

Alright. I guess that’s it. If you want to check out the new blog, it’s at www.rebootcommonsense.com, but I am warning you now. It is right full of swearing and possibly some anger. It’s oilfield swearing, too. Not your run of the mill cussing going on over there.

Jenny, don’t change your number, 867-5309 867-5309 867-5309 867-5309,

Birdman

Feb 03

Forgive Me Father For I Have Sinned

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It’s been over a month since my last post.

I know that it doesn’t matter, but I’m leading up to something big.

Well, big for me.

I went to a blogging conference in Winnipeg on the weekend, and I learned a lot. It blew my mind.

His name is Derrick. Or was it Derek?

His name is Derrick. Or was it Derek?

This is my last post on Change The Topic that is going to have swearing in it.

Hear me out.

I have been very unfair to you, the readers. I realized this when I lost my passion for blogging in December. It wasn’t that I had lost my desire, but I had grown weary. I felt as though I wasn’t blogging for me any more, because I was watching what I was writing too closely. I was afraid to write about things that I had written about before, like how much I love my family, how depressed I get sometimes, and how much I love my friends. I thought that it would be too repetitive to write about how we letbeg the government to fuck us over on a daily basis, or how we are too self centered to quit buying tons of cheap shit that we can’t afford, just so we can seem like we’re rich.

But that’s the shit that I want to write about.

Sometimes I want to stop the fracking and tarsand abomination so bad that I sit at my computer and cry with frustration, and I want to tell you to open your fucking eyes and see what is happening to our planet in the name of greed.

But I can’t, because that’s hypocritical of me, and until I start making a real difference myself, I can’t get mad when you don’t care about anything except how you’re going to afford the gas in that new Denali outside.

Or can I?

Maybe I can, I don’t know, but I need to have a place that I can write what I want to, without worrying that some relative is going to tell my sister that she doesn’t like how I am always criticizing the Catholic church.

Fuck. Don’t even get me started on that shit.

Here’s the thing though.

Some people like to read the nice posts with no swearing. They like to believe that everything is pure in the world, and cursing or blasphemy is boorish and the work of the devil, or maybe they just feel uncomfortable with it. That’s their choice.

Come on up. We have harps and clouds and shit.

Come on up. We have harps and clouds and shit.

On the other hand, some people like to see me go off the deep end in a rant that would make The Bloggess* look like Mary Fucking Poppins, or maybe a photo blog of me getting pretend ass-raped by a burly dude in the woods.

* I saw her speak this weekend, and she was the real deal.

And some people like them both.

Those are my people.

Those are the people I used to write for. They understand that people have dimensions and depth, and they know that everything isn’t always nice. Sometimes it’s absolute shit.

Yeah, I know we always say that we write for ourselves, but if that were true, I would have 800000 words on this computer, and would never have published my first post to the web.

Nope, I write for you, and for validation.

I need to feel like I’m good enough, and writing gives me that. I also want to make some new friends. :)

Rich friends that might buy Gadget and I a huge warehouse and studio for storing and creating shit. His garage is kind of full.

Dude! You guys are fucking hilarious. Take my gold card and set some shit up.

Dude! You guys are fucking hilarious. Take my gold card and set some shit up.

When I started Change The Topic, it was going to be some way for me to document my transition from a city trucker to whatever I was going to be. I still don’t know what that is, and I may never know.

I don’t even care.

I have made so many friends, because of this blog, that I will never be able to fully wrap my head around it. People that I truly like and care about. I may not get a chance to hang out with them as much as I’d like, but that doesn’t change anything. I see them on Facebook, Google+, and occasionally Twitter. They make me laugh, cry, and think, and when they post things about their struggles or triumphs, I feel that shit. I will be forever grateful for the connections I’ve made here.

This leads me to my next point, even though you probably didn’t think I had one.

I’m starting another blog.

I am keeping Change The Topic, because I love it, but I am only going to post nice and positive things on here. That way, I don’t need to ostracize anybody, and people can read nice, positive things if I ever write any. I will also be starting a blog that will be my grittier side. The side I lost. The part of me that exaggerates my sex drive, pot use, and partying for the sake of a laugh. The facet of my ego that will try to talk Scooter into wearing a thong while standing on the corner and selling weed. (Please?)

I really miss that, and I want to get back to it. If you are interested in checking that out, feel free to like the Facebook page and help me get that shit flanged up. I will be making a G+ page as well, but they are a little stickier, so I’ll wait until we have a name and a domain.

If you don’t have Facebook and want me to let you know when things are up and running, send me an email at birdman (at) changethetopic dot com, and I’ll put you on the list.

Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me,

Birdman