Jul 28

The Many Lives And Deaths Of Dovey-Doo – Chapter Five

We’re free!

After a sweep of the perimeter and all appropriate spots marked, Blue and Dover took off running into the woods. It was mostly uphill, except for a short flat spot. The boys stopped for a breather and to roll in a bit of fox shit that Dover found.

“Nice find, Dovey. This is the first fox shit I have ever seen when Dad wasn’t watching me.”

“I didn’t know it was fox shit. What’s a fox?”

“I’ve only met one when I lived in Ontario. She was eating a bunny and I tried to get some. It didn’t work out very well for me. She bit my face.”

“Hahaha, she bit you? On the face! Hahaha, why didn’t you just hump her into submission?”

Blue had enough and started up the hill again. Dover had a quick squirt and trundled after him. That’s when he saw her.

She was watching Blue walk away and hadn’t noticed him.

She smelled good. Like the chicken coop, and maybe honey.

Dover ran over to her and she jumped back and yipped at him. He tried to get closer but she kept dodging and nipping. She was so fast. He had never seen anything like her. Her tail was so fluffy and beautiful. He charged at her to get a better smell but she lunged at him and almost bit his face.

He got a little scared and she saw it.

When he backed up she kept coming at him. He was hoping that she wasn’t going to start humping him into submissionhumiliation. That would be too embarrassing and Blue would never let him forget it.

Dover decided right then and there that he was going to fight back. He wished his teeth weren’t tiny nubs, but he had the low center of gravity on his side, and he was really hungry. He didn’t want to kill and eat a beautiful fox, but he would if forced.

He stopped retreating and let out his trademarked, low growl as he turned sideways and dropped his shoulder as she lunged at him. She was too far into it to stop and rolled right over him. As she was scrambling to get back to her feet, Dover knocked her over again and grabbed her throat with his far too soft mouth.

Luckily he had a lot of power behind those tiny, ground down teeth and he quickly choked the wind out of her. He let go when he realized that she had given up. She slowly lifted her head and looked sheepishly at him. He smelled her fur deeply and licked her. Then he sat down.

He looked around to see where Blue was. He wanted that smug prick to see that he had beat up a wild fox.

Nowhere to be seen.

That figures. If he had seen that display of strength maybe he wouldn’t be so quick to always pin me down and hump me, Dover thought. Maybe the people wouldn’t always talk about me like I was the fat kid that can’t defend himself. I am sick of being called “Chubs” and “Puffalump”. They never look at my creative side. I’m just sick of it.

He looked back at the fox and she was sitting now; looking at him. He was still breathing heavily, so he had his big smile on. The one he saves for a hard run to the end of the yard when he has to poop.

She moved slowly toward Dover and smelled his bunghole. He seemed okay. He didn’t have nuts for some reason, but she was alright with that. She could use a friend since her old man had got himself hit by the truck. She let him get a good whiff of her and then she started trotting away. She turned to see if he was coming, but he was just standing there with a dumb looking smile on his face.

She motioned her head for him to follow and he did. She had a small cache with half a beaver carcass in it. She figured she would share it with him before the maggots took over.

What could it hurt?

Dover got to the beaver and was in his version of heaven. Free meat and he didn’t have to shake paws or lay down for it. He just dug right in. He wished his food at home had maggots. They were delicious, but you had to chew them or you could feel them wriggling all the way down.

When they finished, Dover had a drink of water from the lake and then laid down for a nap. He was really going to like this new life. Free meat, lots of clean water and a really good smelling fox to hang out with. It was perfect for a lazy dog with no sense of smell.

He dreamed of all the nice days on the beach with his new friend.

When he awoke, it was raining. He looked up to the edge of the woods and saw his new friend there, intently staring into the grass. He walked up and saw that there were three mice laying by a log. He happily gobbled them up.

Life was fantastic.

He should have gone outside more often.

She looked up from her hunting and watched in horror as he ate the three mice that she had caught for her kits. She was soaking wet and she was tired.

Fuck this guy. I just spent two hours getting those for my babies, while his fat ass laid in the sand. They need to start eating solid food and he devoured them in less than thirty seconds. I am running this lazy bastard off right now.

She let out a scream as she sprinted towards him. The look of shock as he noticed her was priceless. He started stumbling and those short, little legs started moving a mile a minute. He was heading straight into the forest and she had to stop because she was laughing so hard. Maybe if he put that much energy into the rest of life, he would get a lot further.

Oh well, good riddance.

What the hell just happened? Did she go crazy or something? What was that scream? Screw this, I’m going back to the campsite.

Dover looked around and realized he had no idea where he was. If he had run down the beach, he would be able to find it, probably, but he ran into the woods.

Looks like I’ll have to just keep walking until I find a road. It shouldn’t take too long. I’ll just stop for a nap.

Eight days later, Dover walked out to a huge concrete place with cars and trucks pulling up to a building. He walked over and people started petting him.

One nice lady let him into her office.

Jul 21

The Many Lives And Deaths Of Dovey-Doo – Chapter Four

It was 4:30 AM

Dover and Blue had heard something that woke them up, and then they smelled it.

It was definitely a fart. Dad was drinking beer again.

“Let us out!” They yelled in their highest pitched whine.

“Step on his nuts. He’ll wake up and make us get out.” Blue said, laughing. He didn’t think Dover was that stupid, but it turned out that he was. “Sorry, Dad.” Blue said as he danced around like a wood sprite.

The truck door opened. The world was theirs.

After they ran around and pissed on as many things as they could, they decided to go along the cliff at the far end of the beach. There were some pretty cool smells there last night, so who knew what the night had brought?

As Blue looked over the beach at the rocks and driftwood logs, he estimated it at about thirty feet to the craggy shelf below. That would be an ugly fall, he thought to himself as he turned to see Dover squeeze out two more drops on some wild strawberry plants.

“Hey, we should go back and have breakfast because it’s almost 6:30. They brought our old kibble. The one with the chicken.” Dover excitedly told Blue.

“It sounds like we might have to go back to that full-time. I heard them saying that feeding us raw was just a bit too expensive. They weren’t expecting the shipping to be so much.” Blue mentioned dismally. “You know, it seems like ever since you came along, I have had to do with less.”

“Yeah, but that kibble is good though. I like the raw food too, but I’m okay with the kibble. It’s better than the garbage Walmart food I had to eat at my last place. It was made of corn. You could taste it.”

“I know the kibble is okay, but now it’s like the time we had to eat Kibbles ‘n’ Bits for that whole weekend. I can’t go back after having that raw food. You can taste the chicken and pumpkin in it, and what must be apple. That’s how food is supposed to taste. Not dried out and powdered.”

Blue noticed Dover walking over as his thoughts trailed off. He just couldn’t go back to eating the dried shit. There had to be a way to help bring the cost down.

He looked over the bank again and shuddered at the thought of falling.

Dover was going on about his hunger and how they should get back, but Blue was just thinking of ways to save $40 a month. If only he could speak human, and had hands. He would be good at courier work around town. The cottonheads at the home could hire him to get their groceries.

Too bad they had already labelled Blue as untrustworthy after that time they left the main door open and the deli tray out on the coffee table. Nobody told him “NO!”, so how was he supposed to know they weren’t for him?

He even left them allmost of the pickles. What’s the big deal?

Dover was smelling something and whining and that’s when Blue figured out how he was going to save a whole lot more than $40 a month on dog food.

“Hey, Dover. Check this out. I think it’s ham.”

His head spun sideways as his back legs dug in and launched him in Blue’s direction.

Dover loved ham. It was so salty and delicious.

As he got close, Blue motioned to the edge of the bank. Dover was so excited to have ham and then his regular breakfast he didn’t notice Blue’s leg stick out and trip him as he went by. He tried to regain himself but hit a rock and stumbled sideways. Then he skidded over the cliff on his side.

As he looked around, bewildered, he realized there was no ham. He couldn’t smell or see any meat at all. Blue had lied to him. The disappointment was evident on his face as he plummeted to the rocks below.

Blue felt a pang of remorse, but it went away when he thought of the flavour explosion in his mouth that was going to be happening Every. Damn. Day. Sure there would be nobody to share the blame when the garbage got eaten, but he also wasn’t going to have to share the garbage either.

Win/win.

He supposed he should run into some trees at full throttle to bust up his body a bit, but he would wait until he was a little closer. No need to inflict a bunch of pain earlier than necessary.

Oh good, it was starting to rain. That will only add to the effect.

 

Jul 14

The Many Lives And Deaths Of Dovey-Doo – Chapter Three

Okay, I’m awake.

I’m a little fuzzy from the few beers I had before bed, but I can distinctly feel the paws trying to pierce different parts of my body while the whining is piercing my brain.

I guess the dogs want out for a pee.

I open the door and as they bolt out, I crack my eyelids to see the sun peeking over Butler Ridge and licking the treetops above the truck. I check my phone.

Grrrr, it’s 4:30 AM. We mumble some questions, like “Why do they need out this early?” and “Shouldn’t they be exhausted from all the running they did on the beach last night?”

I wait a few minutes and open the door to let them in. They want no part of the offer.

“Should we go out and get them?” Gerri asks hazily.

“No, they probably just want to smell around and see if anything visited in the night. They’ll be ready for a nap by breakfast.”

We drifted back to sleep and woke up around 6:30. They still weren’t back, so we got up to get the coffee ready and realized that we forgot the kettle or any sort of a pot to boil water in.

We improvised. Coffee was fundamental.

You gotta do what you gotta do.

I don’t know about you, but I went through the levels of Scouts Canada. The motto was “Be Prepared.”

I stole this from Wikipedia to explain:

Baden-Powell on “Be Prepared”[edit]

In English, this motto is most commonly Be Prepared. In the third part of Scouting for Boys Robert Baden-Powell explains the meaning of the phrase:

The Scout Motto is: BE PREPARED which means you are always in a state of readiness in mind and body to do your DUTY.

  • Be Prepared in Mind by having disciplined yourself to be obedient to every order, and also by having thought out beforehand any accident or situation that might occur, so that you know the right thing to do at the right moment, and are willing to do it.
  • Be Prepared in Body by making yourself strong and active and able to do the right thing at the right moment, and do it.[1]

“To do the right thing at the right moment” can be extreme:

“Where a man has gone so far as to attempt suicide, a Scout should know what to do with him.”[2]
“BE PREPARED to die for your country if need be, so that when the moment arrives you may charge home with confidence, not caring whether you are going to be killed or not”[3]

Okay, so I might have started drinking and smoking weed before they explained the last part, but you have to admit we were pretty prepared with those empty booze cans. Sure we forgot cell charger cords and almost all cooking implements, but look what we did remember.

Our neighbours were kind enough to give us some homemade Irish Cream. They must have been Scouts as well.

Even though we were facing great hurdles, we made do, just like they taught me in Scouts.

Here’s the proof.

Oh good, we can start our day.

At 7 AM, there was still no sign of the boys and it was supposed to start raining in a couple of hours. Blue, I could see not caring about meals, but Dover was only keeping himself alive to eat. He has never missed a meal since we have had him. It’s not that we wouldn’t have forgotten, it’s just that he starts the high-pitched whine about thirty minutes before mealtime and doesn’t quit until he’s fed, so we can’t not feed him.

As we drank our delicious elixir, we walked around and yelled for the boys. We wanted to pack up the dining tent and trailer, but we didn’t want it to start raining if we were still there looking for dogs. So we left it up. This proved to be a good choice.

It’s a pretty sweet setup.

As I walked along, drinking my boozy coffee, a feeling hit me that has probably hit a few of you after a bit of coffee and exercise.

Lucky for me, there were a couple of outhouses just around the corner. I started heading that way with a can of bear spray in my hand. I walked into the shitter and the door, which was on a spring and swings inwards, slammed behind me.

That’s when I heard it.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I looked up and there was a wasp nest on the ceiling, maybe a foot above my head. The slam must have woke them up and they were piling out of the hole. Of course, I had a roll of toilet paper in one hand and a can of bear spray in the other and the door handle was one of those small, D shaped ones that I just couldn’t grasp until I stuffed the spray under my arm. I could feel them on my head and neck, so as soon as I got the door open I was running and screaming towards the truck with my free hand swiping wildly.

Gerri, who had watched me grab the bear spray, thought a bear was chasing me and was preparing to jump in the truck. I managed to escape with only one sting on the back of my leg, but now I felt the call of nature even louder than it’s already urgent cry.

Well, bushes it is.

By around 10:30, in the pouring rain, we unhooked the trailer and started heading for Moberly Lake to get a charger cord and some more food in case we had to stay an extra night. We hoped that the dogs would be waiting there when we got back but figured a pack of smokies and buns wouldn’t hurt, plus we could use another jug of water.

When we got back, Blue was there but Dover wasn’t. Blue was in rough shape, but he’s a pretty tough dog. It’s Dover that isn’t very bright or worldly. He was the one we had to save.

We had to figure out what had happened out there. This is what we came up with.

This is where all future chapters will jump off from. You may have noticed that there are some repeats from Chapter One, but I was trying to get a bit more story in. Remember that these are basically all rough drafts for the final project, so if you see things that don’t make sense or work well, please let me know in a comment or some other way that you would rather get a hold of me.

I’m always open to suggestions.

Mar 20

Dean – Chapter Two

Dean let out a sickening noise as he watched his sister come to a bloody stop on the ground in front of the whizzing thing.

Who am I kidding? I can’t keep this up for much longer. Let’s just pretend that the deer was tapped in the head with the gift of knowledge, so he now knows all of the basic information that an adolescent human would know. It would take several years to explain how a deer learns each new thing, and we don’t have that kind of time.

A woman got out of the driver’s seat of the car and started to cry. She was also hyperventilating.

“Jesus Christ, Sarah. Would you fucking breathe? It’s just a fucking deer.” Came a voice from the car.

“IT’S DEAD! IT’S JUST A BABY AND IT’S FUCKING DEAD!” She screamed into the car.

“Yeah, I know. Calm down and get in the car. There’s nothing you can do about it now. Fuck, listen to that other one wailing. Let’s go, I can’t take much more of that.”

Dean’s mother looked up from her stupor and then put her head back down and closed her eyes. “It figures.” was all she said.

The car drove off with Sarah freaking out about taking a life that never got to be lived, and Dean stopped his screaming. He didn’t fully understand what all of this meant, but he knew that it didn’t feel right. He felt someone move up beside him.

“She’s with the Lord now. He had a special purpose for her innocent, little soul. She’s in a better place.”

Dean looked over and saw this deer that looked a lot like his mother. She had a glassy sort of look to her, but she seemed sort of kind looking, so he asked her why this “Lord” would want a new-born fawn.

“Who knows?” was her reply. “He doesn’t need to tell us why he does things. If he does it, it was the right thing.”

As he stared at her, trying to comprehend what all of that meant, he heard his mother yell “Don’t you fill his head with your ideas. You let him have a mind of his own.”

“We’re all a part of God’s plan. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.” She replied. “You know what Mama always told us.” She looked at Dean. “Honey, you just need to follow the path to the light. God’s love will be waiting there to bathe you. All you have to do is…”

Her eyes bulged out as she lost her wind and crumpled. Dean looked over and saw his mother’s back feet sinking into her side. “Don’t you listen to her. You need to learn things for yourself. Praying to something that probably doesn’t exist isn’t going to help you at all. Now come over here and get some milk. I need to lay down, and you need your strength.”

He latched on to a nipple and went to town. While he was nursing, he saw the other deer limping away. His mom noticed him looking.

“That’s my twin.” She said “I love her, but I can’t handle her shit.”

Dean thought he understood. He loved his sister, but she never even talked to him. It’s not like he was going to miss her. He would just have to try and keep himself alive, and hopefully his mom too.

Dec 12

Dean

Chapter One – After Birth

The first thing Dean remembered was opening his eyes and feeling the sun’s warmth on his gloopy fur, while noisy things sped quickly by him and his mother. They were big things. Much bigger than him or his mom.

The second thing was his mom licking the rest of the amniotic fluid off of him. Dean didn’t know it was called amniotic fluid, I added that in there, because I do my research. There’s actually a lot of things that Dean doesn’t know, as he is a mule deer. I am just adding them in, because that’s what I do.

He tried to get up on his feet, because he felt it was expected of him. He was nervous about staggering around so close to those whizzing things, but something inside of him said that he had to learn to walk. It took him about three minutes, but he finally stood there on his shaky legs and tried a few steps.

He asked his mom what the giant things were, but she was laying back down and moving her legs around. Something was coming out of her, but it wasn’t afterbirth. Dean watched in horror for what seemed like ten minutes. It looked like a wetter, blacker version of Dean. Dean then realized that he was going to be a brother.

This was amazing news to him. He was going to have someone to learn about life with. Someone to frolic in the meadows and play little pranks on their mom with. Someone to help him track down their dad with. He must be around here somewhere, right?

As Dean watched his mom clean off his new sister, he felt at peace with the world. He couldn’t have been born on a warmer, sunnier day. Life was going to be good; he could feel it.

When his sister was all licked off, and was trying to get moving on her own, Dean watched his mom push out the placenta and then he asked her about the big whizzing things again.

“I don’t know what they are, but they mostly stay on those grey strips of land.” She explained.

“Can they hurt us?” Dean asked.

“Oh yes. I have seen them hurt many deer when they walk out on the grey strips of land. They are very hard to stop.”

“Then why would you give birth to your babies so close to the grey strip of land? That seems dangerous”

“There are many things that hurt us. Some of them, such as coyotes and bears, don’t like coming near the grey strips of land, because they get hurt too. We are very vulnerable at this time of year. I’m weak from giving birth, and you’re weak from just being born.”

Dean thought about it, and figured his mom was most likely right. She was probably two years older than him and had lived this long.

As Dean walked a little, and felt the strength coming into his legs and body, he grinned at his sister wobbling around. He went over and rubbed against her to give her a bit of support. He was glad that she had a big brother to lean on during these hard times and he wondered if he looked that funny when he was learning to walk.

He tried to communicate with her, as he did with their mother, but there wasn’t very much going on behind her glassy eyes. She just stared blankly at him.

Perhaps she just needed some time to adjust to her new life. After all, he was almost fifteen minutes older than her.

“Will she get smarter as she gets older?” Dean asked his mom.

“She might, but judging from the look in her eyes, she didn’t get enough air for her brain to fully develop. I think it happens sometimes with twins. Mine was like that too”

It was right about then that Dean noticed another fawn standing up a short distance away. Wow! there are more of us here. As his mother dozed off a bit, he tried to get the attention of the other deer, but there was a horrible noise beside them. By the time he noticed his sister it was too late. A whizzing thing smashed into her and she went sliding down the grey strip of land.