Aug 23

Therapy Thursday

Dear TT: How do you tell someone nicely that they are being a whiny ass? I really couldn’t give a shit if this person remains in my life, but because of mutual friends, that they are family with, I feel like I need to keep the peace. However, for this to happen, I would like to address the fact that they are a huge douchecanoe, and hopefully help them become tolerable.
Sincerely, 
Not perfect – But close!

Dear Not Perfect: I would just let them have it. They really do need to know. It’s better if you can push them down on the ground first, just for intimidation sake. You then stand over them and kick them while you yell completely insane shit that no one else can understand. It can’t make any sense at all, kind of like religion, and then when you feel redeemed and that they have taken enough abuse, you pretend to snap out of it and come to your senses. You say that the Lord just came into your heart,and told you to quit hurting that person. You then reach down to help them up and whisper to them “If you ever whine again, I will cut your fucking heart out and eat it.” Continue reading

Aug 16

Therapy Thursday

Well, we have a busy one today, so let’s try to get through it in a timely fashion. I was hit with three problems this afternoon, and as much as I love doing this, it would be nice to get them a little earlier. Anyhow, beggars can’t be choosers, so here we go.

 

Dear Therapy Thursday: This is about my boyfriend and I. We’ve been dating for almost 3 months now. I was just wondering, is there a rule as to how long a couple should wait to introduce each others kids? We are both seemingly in love, and I’m ready, but he seems to be holding back…not sure if this is something you would write about but there you go.

Anxiously Pacing

This is a tricky one, and I am likely going to ruffle a few feathers here.  I realize that people want to settle down and start integrating the new family as soon as possible, but I urge you to hold on for a bit longer.  Introducing your kids to new partners too early can run the risk of introducing them to a string of potential suitors who never actually make it into the qualifying round of the Commitment Game.  Yeah, I’m going there.  Are you going to marry this guy?  Would you want to?  If the answer is ‘no’ or ‘I’m not sure’, then it is too early to be introducing anyone as more than a friend to your kids. Continue reading
Aug 02

Therapy Thursday

Therapy Thursday People,

I have a problem, as most of us do, and my problem I need help with from You, Smarty and the Mrs, is this. Why can’t people keep their mouths shut about private matters when it is disclosed to them in the friendship confidentiality code? I’m not talking about whispering a few things to your significant other, keeping them in the loop about certain things that happen in a healthy friend loop. I’m talking about when you tell a friend, in confidence, an embarrassing thing that is going on in your life, and they just tell anyone that will listen. I just don’t get it and I’m almost to the point where I don’t need people like that as friends anymore! Please help me understand why these fuckers do this, because it’s accumulating into HUGE snowballs of grief and heartache for me! It’s hard when you can’t trust your friends.

Companion Catharsis

Dear Companion,

I feel your pain. We have all been the subject of unwelcome scrutiny in our public (or private) lives, and no one likes to feel the tractor beam of interest fall on them when it’s a matter we’d rather leave private. Continue reading

Jul 26

Therapy Thursday

Dear Therapy Thursday:

I married a Republican.

I know, I know!! But I swear to god, it sounded like a good idea at the time! He was really smart, hysterically funny, super hot, AND my family loved him. (Oddly, since they are all RABID Democrats.) And I thought, “Hey, I’m undeclared anyway, since I’m both ultra liberal (socially), and ultra conservative (fiscally). It’ll be OK.”

And it mostly has been.  But here we are, a period of time later (yes, *I* know how long we’ve been married. That was a direct quote.) And he still does not know that starting a discussion about how awful it was for Obama to declare his support of birth control to a high school auditorium is probably not a good idea 5 minutes before bedtime. Of course, it degenerated into a big argument (which, I suspect, consisted of both of us arguing completely different issues from each other).  And, since I am now WIDE awake, and you’re desperate for Therapy Thursday victims, I thought I’d help you out. ‘Cause that’s how I roll.

So, I need suggestions on how to communicate better with someone when you’re on completely opposite ends of the spectrum (clearly, my policy of avoidance is not working out well).

Ready To Murder Mitt Continue reading

Jul 19

Therapy Thursday

Dear Therapy Thursday,

Today I was at the gym and saw a “girl” whom I believe is a professional bodybuilder. Though she was my height, bigger than me and stronger than me, and she had (pretty much) all the characteristics of a man, I found her quite attractive. (Despite knowing that she could probably crush my head like a grape with her powerful thighs, and would likely insist on being on top.)

I’ve been looking for a way to get my wife into 3-ways, and this seems like a perfect opportunity! (Something for everyone – all that muscle, and boobs, too!) How would you suggest I approach the topic with my wife?

Sincerely,

Hoping Our Marriage Opens

Continue reading