Sep 27

Therapy Thursday

Dear Therapy Thursday:

My wife isn’t a big fan of oral, but she’ll do it from time to time. How do I get her to do more blowies?

Not Sleeping Well

Dear Not Sleeping: I’m going to need a little more background, because you left me with a 28 word question. How the fuck am I supposed to know any details with that brief of an outline?

Would you go to your doctor and say: “Sometimes I piss and it feels like I’m cleaning my urethra with 80 grit sandpaper, how do I make it not do that all the time? See you later. Please call me and leave a message with the answer.”?

Hey, it was the best I could do on short notice. (18 minutes)

Continue reading

Sep 20

Therapy Thursday

Dear Therapy Thursday: My two step kids live with me full-time. They go to their mother’s house every other weekend, or 4 days per month. She makes considerably less money than me or my boyfriend, but she also provides nothing for the kids. No school clothes, supplies, or anything related to their healthcare. ALL of the expenses for the children are provided by me and my boyfriend. (Not to mention, we have a baby on the way.) The shit hit the fan last weekend, (her scheduled weekend with the kids) when she told us to “feed them before you bring them here. I have no food and no money to order anything.” (This also inconveniently happened while we were out of town, otherwise, we’d never let the kids even go there.)

This isn’t the first time the ‘feed them’ demand has been made, and it just illustrates that she’s a deadbeat loser. (She gets food stamps and doesn’t have food? Please.) The pity is that she tells the kids she has no food and makes them feel bad for living in a nice house in the ‘burbs with us. Almost making it seem like we are selfish somehow for providing basics like housing, food, and access to a good school district.

I basically want her to eat shit and die,

Step-Mommy Warbucks Continue reading

Sep 13

Therapy Thursday

Therapy Thursday, please help!

I’ve been having microdermabrasion appointments over the last handful of months. Now, I want to stop for a couple of reasons – 1. I’m trying to cut back on some of my spending and 2. The technician I was going to is now only available on Mondays, which is a day that doesn’t work for me. For some reason, I never really know how to “break up” with these type of service people. I have called to cancel my next appointment, but I told her that I’d call her later to reschedule. I really don’t want to reschedule, but (and I know this is all in my head) I think the technician is holding me to that phone call. Why am I such a damn idiot? Why do I have such a hard time just saying “look, your schedule doesn’t work for me. Oh yeah, and I’m poor”???

Buying A Loofah

Dear Buying,

I don’t see the problem here.  It’s not like you are cheating on your microdermabrasion practitioner with a cuter, smarter, better-looking version.  You don’t have the money, and the timing isn’t good for appointments.  Frankly, either is a good reason not to go, and as a trained professional, she shouldn’t take it personally.  Even if you DO decide to go to someone else, it’s a personal decision and you have the right to try as many people as you Continue reading
Sep 06

Therapy Thursday

For this Therapy Thursday we have the lovely Lady E from the blog: Adventures in Estrogen. If you haven’t checked out her blog, you should do that now. I’m hoping that she will make a regular stop here, because I think that her style and sense of humour fit well with the general feeling of chaos that we have around here on a regular basis. I want to welcome her with open arms, and an outstretched penis, and I hope you will do the same. Well, if you have a penis. If not, maybe let her rub a tit or something. Oh, and GET PICTURES.

I recently become a father for the first time 2 months ago. Around a month before this, the mother of my child ended our relationship. This came completely out of the blue to me as there were no signs that anything was wrong. I attributed it to depression etc. Anything to rationalise it and convince myself it was temporary. I’ve since realised that, although she has told me I did nothing wrong and she acted solely on her feelings about the future, it was not a temporary thing and there genuinely is nothing more for us.

I’ve not had any sexual contact with anyone since this happened. The thought of it does not appeal to me, I feel incapable of differentiating between sex and making love and I don’t see myself ever loving anyone ever again the way I loved her. I don’t honestly see myself ever being able to be happy again.

I realise it’s early days but, how do you recommend I move my life forward when at the moment the idea of sex really does not appeal?

Dejected Daddy

I was a little speechless when I first got your letter, mostly because I can relate perhaps a little too well. It was going to be impossible to avoid all the reassuring clichés of encouragement with this situation, since it’s our initial go-to in our best attempt at being genuinely sympathetic. Let’s get them out of the way, shall we?

It gets better with time.”

Time heals all wounds.”

There’s plenty of fish in the sea.”

There’s light at the end of the tunnel.”

Blah, blah, motherfucking blah. Continue reading

Aug 30

Therapy Thursday

Dear Therapy Thursday:

So here’s my problem: my girlfriend has a big crush on Judge Judy and I just don’t get it. Can you help me understand?

Wishing It Was Oprah

Dear Wishing: I really struggled with this one. Part of me wants to tell you to run away, but then I realized that you might be lesbians, and I never want to see lesbians break up.

If you are a man, run for the hills, unless that’s where you already are, because, let’s face it, this is a pretty hillbilly dilemma, if I ever did see one.

If you are a lady, then I suggest a few different things, so read them all and choose whichever one makes you hornyhappy. Continue reading