May 23

Therapy Thursday

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Dear therapy thursday: I need help with my non-understanding wife, I am a stay at home dad with 2 wonderful children who are 7 and 13. I work very hard every day for my family. I volunteer at both of my kids schools and take great pride in the work that I do at the schools and at the house. Well at the end of the day I am tired, she thinks I sit around watching Soap Operas all day and should be well rested when she gets in at 5:30. She expects dinner on the table and for me to make sure the kids are behaving, I think by the time she gets home it is her turn to look after the kids and let me rest. What do you think?

Wore out in ft nelson

SmartyTalks

Hey Paco,

Jesus, man, get ahold of yourself and let’s think about this. We need to look at it from all sides. Did you tell the guy that you wanted heroin or black tar heroin?I ask, because there is a huge difference. Don’t pay nearly as much for that tar shit. Wait up, where the fuck am I? Oh shit, wrong WWW. thing, but still good advice if anyone needs it.

Dear Wore out:

That wife of yours sounds like a Betty Buzzkill. I’d be volunteering every day too. I volunteer at several local high schools around here, but I’m not allowed on the actual property. It’s cool though, because the girls I’m looking for usually cross the street for a smoke whenever they get a chance. It’s never too early to recruit.

As for your wife, I would start drinking and being belligerent as soon as she gets home. That way, when you go for a nap, she will be glad for you to go. On the other hand, you could get a job if you wanted one. I’ve spent some time in Fort Nelly, and you could get hired on by pretty well anyone there. Even if you were a one-armed crackhead, you could easily make a decent living.

Glad I could help,

Smarty

birdmandesk

Dear Wore out:

This is a tough one for me, because I’m lazy and get depressed. I was off work for a year, and was not a model husband at all. I didn’t really do much around the house, and I sure didn’t do any volunteering at the school.

Well there was that one time, but I forgot about it and thoroughly disappointed our oldest.

Anyhow, I think that cohabitation means a lot of give and take, and you probably aren’t putting in full days at the schools, even if you did go every day. I’m not saying you should cook dinner every night, but you should be sharing in the responsibility for sure.

Another thing I would recommend is getting as much sun on your skin as you can, and doing a bit of exercise. Even if it’s just going for a walk with the kids/dog/lady from the A&W. You might not feel like it, but you could have a bit of depression too. I’m not saying you do, but you might, and it’s best to nip it in the bud. Don’t be like me and sit at a computer feeling sorry for yourself all day. It will suck the fucking joy out through your eyes.

I’m sorry that I don’t have anything better, but if you two just share the responsibilities fairly, things should work themselves out fine.

I went to a shrink, to analyze my dreams, she says it’s lack of sex that’s bringing me down,

Birdman

 

Dear Therapy Thursday

My boyfriend wants to get me pregnant, but I’m only 22 and not ready for a baby. We’ve only been dating for 5 weeks. He is talking about getting married and I’m okay with that part of it but not pushing a baby out of my coocoo.

Am I being unreasonable? I think I really love him and he calls me every day.

Janine

mindofbirdman

Dear Janine:

Don’t be such a silly Billy. Back in the old days, 22 year old girls would have had four of their seven kids, a herniated disc, and something that looked like a goiter, but smelled like fermented beans. It’s the way it was meant to be.

Now I’m not saying you should have seven kids, but you spread those legs and give that boy at least three. He deserves it. He’s waited patiently for the last five weeks to slip you the unprotected bone, and you dare even question whether or not you should do it?

Hurry up and marry that dude. Have his kids, and have them fast. Who knows how soon he’ll be gone? He could be banging your sister by Saturday, and have forgotten all about you. You need to trap him, and trap him good.

If you even paid attention to what I wrote, you need help. You also need to punch yourself repeatedly in the ovaries so that you never breed.

Idiot.

Let me tell you all a story about a Harper Valley widowed wife,

Birdman

 

May 02

Therapy Thursday

newtherapythursday

Hey Birdman!

Our local classic rock station is repetitive as fuck. My problem is that I love the personalities of it, but hate hearing Rain Showers by Michel Pagliaro every fucking day. You can almost set your  watch by Mashmakhan and Bruce Fucking Cockburn. It’s gotten to the point that I have quit listening for weeks at a time, and even then when I switch it back on, it’s like I never left. Same fucking songs, same fucking rotation.

Thicken Meaty

Dear Thicken:

What the fuck is wrong with you? Thicken Meaty? Really, man? You couldn’t have come up with a better name than that? I assume you’re a dude, because a girl wouldn’t normally care about classic rock, or call herself “Thicken Meaty”. Continue reading

Mar 14

Therapy Thursday

(This didn’t actually come as a Therapy Thursday, but as it came anonymously, I am treating it as such. Also, if you want to send us in a question or problem, go to the “Harass Us” page in the sidebar. You can put a fake email and name in there if you’re scared.)

newtherapythursday

Dear Birdman

You seem like a angry dick on your facebook. Why do you hate God so much? Why do you always try to find a reason to make fun of religion instead of just checking it out and maybe liking it. It’s pretty cool to have all of the people in your church there to back you up and they make you always feel like your a good person. Theirs alot of worse things in the world than loving God. You could be a rapist or murder people.

Love Life

mindofbirdman

Okay then. If I was an angry dick, I would start this out by correcting your grammar and calling you an inbred stump jumper. I would then tell you to go grab the old mare and give her a right good rogering.

But I’m not angry, so I won’t. The dick part, would I guess depend on who you talk to. I’m now going to respond to your questions, albeit briefly, because you sent me this at 9:55 on a Wednesday night and I have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow. Why not leave it for next week, you might ask? Well, I haven’t had a Therapy Thursday question in forever, and I kind of miss them (a lot).

I love Monty Python.

I love Monty Python.

Continue reading

Mar 11

Standing Up For What’s Right

mindofbirdman

I’m bypassing the post about how I was depressed and didn’t realise it. It’s not that I don’t think it’s worth talking about, because it is, but this just happened tonight, so it’s still fresh.

I followed a guy that I thought was drunk, and I confronted him when he pulled into the convenience store parking lot.

I had to meet some people at the Tim Horton’s and got stuck behind this guy doing anywhere from 10 to 40 km/h in 50 and 60 km/h zones. He was swerving and hitting his brakes all willy-nilly and generally being a nuisance, so when I saw him getting into the drive-thru, I realised that I had a couple of minutes to talk to the family I was meeting. I saw the shiny, new avalanche leaving, so I got behind him and followed him back downtown. It was the same erratic driving as the way up, sometimes almost coming to a complete stop and then taking off slowly.

Not cool.

Not cool.

When he pulled into the Mac’s, I got out and approached his truck. He had oxygen tubes in his nose and his eyes were droopy and dull. I asked if he was alright and he said he was fine. I then asked if he’d been drinking and he got pissy and exclaimed that he hadn’t had a drink in twenty five years. I told him that he was driving pretty crazy, and that he was endangering anyone who was out on the road, because he wasn’t paying attention, but he told me he was just fishing for change and that he had looked around, and there wasn’t anyone following him, so he didn’t think it mattered. When I told him that I was right behind him the whole way, he said he didn’t see me, so I explained that he obviously wasn’t paying attention around him. Continue reading

Jan 24

Therapy Thursday

newtherapythursday

Dear CTT,

I am a recently separated woman, living just a few blocks from my ex.  We have children together, and were together for almost 15 years.

One of the issues in our marriage was his lack of contribution to the care and maintenance of our home.   We hired people to cut grass and shovel snow (if I didn’t do it myself), and paint our verandah.   New cans of paint sat in our basement while rooms went unpainted.   He turned away help from both sets of in-laws for so long that we just started to work around him, planting a garden, redoing bedrooms, building furniture to keep the place organized and tidy. It was a chronic issue between us (among others of course), and I never understood how he could lack so much pride in his own home.  I stopped inviting people over for years, because I was embarrassed to have them see how we lived.

What I imagine.

What I imagine.

Since I moved out (we share custody of the kids, and that seems to be working well so far), he has revamped the kitchen, hung art on the walls, tidied up the garage so he can park in it, and a variety of other things.  More work has been done in a few weeks than has been done in years.  I am furious!

Why would he do this all now?  I have asked many people and nobody could explain why he never did anything to help, and why he’s doing it now that I’ve left.  Is it just to hurt me?  Is it to make the place better for the next woman in his life?  Should I even care as long as my kids have a better home?

After the last time I was there, I have finally decided I can no longer go into the house;   it hurts me every time I see it.  Do you think this is a good strategy?  Can you figure out his change of behaviour?

The rest of my life is great now, and my new living space has already become a home to me.  But I’d love to hear your insights, so I can really start seeing things more clearly.

Sincerely your’s,

Miss Daisy

wpid-fromthedesk.jpeg

Dear Miss Daisy,

I hear the disappointment and frustration in your letter.  I understand why you feel this way.  You wanted to have a nice home, and a place you could share your lives together, entertain friends comfortably, and provide a nice place for your children to grow up.  It seems as if only one of you wanted these things during your union, and that person was you.

 

You don’t mention any of the other issues that contributed to the deterioration of your marriage, but I’m going out on a limb here and suggesting that there might have been some nagging on your part, and some avoidance on his part.  People often don’t like to be told what to do, even when it’s very obviously what they need to be doing.  It’ s in our human natures to want to make the decision to act on our own accord, and not based on the desires of other people.  For some, the constant reminders about all that needs to be done (and isn’t currently getting done) act as a continuous sandpaper, grinding away at our self-esteem and desire to become involved in new projects.   This is not an excuse, but perhaps it will provide some insight into the other half of the problem.
I imagine this is what it's like. I hope I never find out.

I imagine this is what it’s like. I hope I never find out.

 

Here’s the next part, and I’m not sure you will like it.  However, you have asked for insight, and I have some to offer.

 

You are now separated, and on your way to divorce.  The ‘why’ of it really isn’t important.  Will it make you feel better to think that your ex-husband is experiencing a new lease on life, and has obviously overcome one of the major hurdles that he had when you were together?  There’s a pretty good chance that his newfound interest in home decor coincides directly with your exit from the marital home.  Whether that bothers you or not, depends on you, and honestly, it is up to you to decide how you want to assimilate this information in your life.  In the simplest of terms, it no longer concerns you.  You should be pleased, because it IS good for your children.  If I had to guess, I would say this man doesn’t really care at all what you think about his interests.  He seems pretty happy to be on his own and it sounds like you are happy on your own.

 

I think your strategy of staying out of the home is a good one.  Perhaps there will come a time in the future, when the sting of it isn’t so fresh, and your own happiness far outweighs any of the past negativity associated with the home, and you will be able to step inside without feeling anything at all.

 

The future climate of this relationship is up to you.  Since you are no longer together, and you still must co-parent, it is in your best interests to let it go and move on.  Don’t worry about what he is doing, with whom, or why.  It simply does not affect you anymore, and it is really not your concern.  I say this with great kindness and respect, and I hope it is taken that way.  Be happy for him, and happy for your kids.  Wish him well, and prepare to open your heart and start a new life that will be ultimately more rewarding and fulfilling than the one you are leaving.

 

Mrs. B.

 

mindofbirdman
(image source: quick-rite.com)

(image source: quick-rite.com)

Dear Miss Daisy,

 

I know a guy (it’s me) that will trash the house on a weekly basis for a nominal fee. Another thing you could look into is a way to get some red squirrels or raccoons into the house. They will fuck shit up in there and keep him on his toes for weeks, because he’ll always wonder if he missed one that is having a litter in the attic. You seem kind of like the bitter sort, so I’m sure you’ve already figured out how to get in there without getting caught, you probably just didn’t know what to do when you got there. That’s where I can help. I spend most of my days thinking about how to fuck up people’s lives, just in case someone like you comes along. Give me a call, and if you don’t, there’s not much else I can say other than whatever you choose to do, make it untraceable.

 

I said upside down you’re turning me, you’re giving love instinctively,

 

Birdman