Hey you guys, I skipped work today, drove to the city, had a wonderful lunch with a couple of assholes at Lahore Tikka on Gerrard St. and got some shit done. We then picked up the wee ones and hit up Value Village in Belleville for our Halloween costumes and had some Taco Bell for supper. Indian and synthesized Mexican in one day does a job on a fellow’s digestive tract, so I’ve forced my baby to jot down a few words while I drove and searched for a washroom. When I read this, I realized that she’s almost as much of a lady as I am. I then realized I was crying, and regained my title of “Biggest vagina in a house full of women”. Yayyyyyyyy, I’m probably going to hold that title for life, and as long as they love me for it, I’m going to keep it that way. Also, it keeps me occupied on long trips, and that’s just trying to find the little man in the canoe. I know that elusive bastard is in there somewhere.
I think you don’t walk around on this earth for 40 years without learning a thing or two. I’m not saying I am an expert at all things life-related, but what I am saying, is that this amount of time gives you a certain amount of perspective.
Over the past 4 decades I have worn many hats: daughter, sister, niece, student, friend, lover, wife, mother. The list goes on and on. There are some titles I am proud to bear, and some I’d rather forget I ever did. Regardless, every step I have taken along the way has brought me to this moment, just as your steps have delivered you as well.
These are some of the things I would like my own daughters to learn long before I did. I would like them to know what they really want in this life, and what kinds of things are important enough to fight for. So here goes…an open letter to my kids, and a wish that they get it right early in life.
Love your parents. Good or bad, they probably did the best they could with what they had. Put away as much of the anger as you are able. You are going to fuck your kids up too, just by doing the best YOU can. Full Circle, baby. Someday they will be gone, so love them as much as you can while you have the chance.
Have principles and stick to them. You know what’s right and wrong, and your beliefs are going to keep you company for a very long time. Surround yourself with people who are honest, and who are true to their word. One person doing the right thing can make a difference, however small it might be. Be the strongest person you can, and never turn your back on your beliefs.
Love yourself. If you don’t, or won’t, no one else will either. Love every bit of you: your body, your mind, and your heart. You will be showing others how to treat you, so love and respect who you are, and never accept less than you deserve.
You can and should control yourself. Understand that you cannot control anyone else. I have wanted to control others, and I have tried in many ways to subtly, and not-so-subtly exert my influence on other people. It’s not very affective. You control you. That’s it. This is one of those things I wish I had learned much earlier in life. Live and learn, I guess. You. Control. You.
Love with all your heart, but don’t waste your love on people who can’t, or won’t, love you with all of their heart. There is truly no greater happiness than experiencing unconditional love from your partner. It’s beautiful to see yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you more than you love yourself. You deserve to be loved like this.
I wish for you, the kind of happiness that everyone dreams of. I want you to take pride in your accomplishments, and to learn from your mistakes. I want you to be loved deeply and forever, by someone who loves and respects you. I want you to become a mother someday, and to learn what it feels like to have your heart swell far beyond your imagination.
I will do my best with you girls, because you deserve everything I’ve got. If I kiss you too much, or hug you too often, then I will be doing my job well. I hope that when you are grown women, with busy lives and children that are embarrassed by you, that you smile when you think of me, and that you are thankful for the happiness you have known, and the love in which you have been securely wrapped.
Come give momma a little sugar,