Calling All Canadians

Do you know what I love?

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Yep, that’s right. I fucking love @comedyopenmic, (from here on in called COM) and I am proud to say it. It’s a fantastic community full of funny, helpful people, that really love to laugh and to make others laugh.

Do you know what I hate?

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(image source)

When my forehead tattoo becomes obsolete, and every kid that pulls up to the drive-thru when I’m on shift asks me what it means.

It means get some fucking culture. You’ve really never heard of Larry The Cable Guy?

Another thing I love is the COM Discord channel. When you’re in there you can shoot the shit, lounge around Carl’s cock room, or get some comedic troubleshooting done.

Speaking of comedic lessons, you can check out one of Amir’s Comedy School posts to get some tips on how to tickle the funny bone of a potential mate, or in @belemo‘s case, how to tickle your own funny bone. (I think he calls it that because of its unnatural downward curve when erect.)
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(possibly a touch of jaundice as well.)(image source)

Something I don’t love is that I seem to be the only Canadian that is active in the COM Discord channel, so when I’m at the computer, all of the others are asleep. When I get up at 5 AM, I am just in time to say goodnight to everyone and then scroll through to see all the fun they had without me there.

I sense a lot of people thinking, ‘We always have more fun when you aren’t around.’ and to them, I say…

…nothing because it’s hard to talk through a veil of tears and dashed hopes of friendship.

So I’m calling on all Canucks to rally with me to defend this great injustice against our people. Everyone knows that we produce some of the finest comedy faces known to man.
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(Only a few, if any, will understand this.)(image source)

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(I fucking hope these aren’t in order of importance, or someone’s got some splainin’ to do.)(image source)

Do any of you know the feeling of sending a bunch of inane messages into all the channels, only to be awakened by a series of dings at 9:30 PM?

What? I go to bed at 9. Fuck off, I’m old and have to get up at 5. I also forget to turn my ringer off most nights.

It’s not like the old days when I could party until 4 AM because I just got fired and my girlfriend wasn’t home. I really didn’t have to get up for anything. Also, I think I invented the girlfriend because I lived in a 1987 Dodge Caravan and liked to snort oven cleaner. Even if she was real, you know you couldn’t trust her.

Anyhow, I’m calling on all of you Canadians to rise to the occasion and submit an original entry to #comedyopenmic and show these fucking Aussies, Brits, Nigerians, Indonesians, Phlips, and Indians that we hosers know how to gut punch. I can feel their taunts.

Mostly because they actually type them out.
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(I thought they were giving me my own room, but it turns out they just really like Game Of Thrones.)

I know it’s mostly in jest, but it still hurts that I don’t have anyone here to mourn the loss of The Rick Mercer Report and Gord Downie with. There’s nobody here to lament about the constant rise of maple syrup prices or the collateral damage of beavers damming up the roadsides.

It’s a harsh reality and it’s mine.

Laugh if you will, because that is the ultimate goal of COM, but know this: winter is coming and we are going to be prepared for that motherfucker. We’ve got our cold weather gear at the ready and the kids(in the hall) are out there stacking firewood as we speak.

All we need now are your funnies to join the fight. If you don’t have a Steemit account, they’re free, so go get one HERE and while you’re waiting to get approved, start writing, singing or videoing??? your best comedy jabs. I don’t know about next week, but the grand prize this week is 55 SBD, which is close to $100 USD and I’m not good with math but that must be about $3700 CDN, right? You can buy a fleet of canoes, a large poutine, and a two-four with that.

You can find out more about it in this post right here

Comedy Open Mic Comedy Contest – Round 16

It’s a lot of fun and it makes Jerry fucking Banfield easier to take when you have comedy (and flaming red lips) to soften the blowjob.If you are on Steemit, what the hell are you waiting for? Get in here and rock out with your proverbial cock out. Also, get your ass in to vote @comedyopenmic as witness. It will make you feel good about yourself. Probably even negate that thing you did that’s been keeping you up at night.

Alright, I see @idikuci coming with the hook, so I guess that’s my time. Please help me, before they start throwing darts at pictures of Anne Murray and Gordon Lightfoot again. I can’t take any more of that blaspheme.

Keep rockin’, Gordie

 

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