Mar 20

Dean – Chapter Two

Dean let out a sickening noise as he watched his sister come to a bloody stop on the ground in front of the whizzing thing.

Who am I kidding? I can’t keep this up for much longer. Let’s just pretend that the deer was tapped in the head with the gift of knowledge, so he now knows all of the basic information that an adolescent human would know. It would take several years to explain how a deer learns each new thing, and we don’t have that kind of time.

A woman got out of the driver’s seat of the car and started to cry. She was also hyperventilating.

“Jesus Christ, Sarah. Would you fucking breathe? It’s just a fucking deer.” Came a voice from the car.

“IT’S DEAD! IT’S JUST A BABY AND IT’S FUCKING DEAD!” She screamed into the car.

“Yeah, I know. Calm down and get in the car. There’s nothing you can do about it now. Fuck, listen to that other one wailing. Let’s go, I can’t take much more of that.”

Dean’s mother looked up from her stupor and then put her head back down and closed her eyes. “It figures.” was all she said.

The car drove off with Sarah freaking out about taking a life that never got to be lived, and Dean stopped his screaming. He didn’t fully understand what all of this meant, but he knew that it didn’t feel right. He felt someone move up beside him.

“She’s with the Lord now. He had a special purpose for her innocent, little soul. She’s in a better place.”

Dean looked over and saw this deer that looked a lot like his mother. She had a glassy sort of look to her, but she seemed sort of kind looking, so he asked her why this “Lord” would want a new-born fawn.

“Who knows?” was her reply. “He doesn’t need to tell us why he does things. If he does it, it was the right thing.”

As he stared at her, trying to comprehend what all of that meant, he heard his mother yell “Don’t you fill his head with your ideas. You let him have a mind of his own.”

“We’re all a part of God’s plan. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.” She replied. “You know what Mama always told us.” She looked at Dean. “Honey, you just need to follow the path to the light. God’s love will be waiting there to bathe you. All you have to do is…”

Her eyes bulged out as she lost her wind and crumpled. Dean looked over and saw his mother’s back feet sinking into her side. “Don’t you listen to her. You need to learn things for yourself. Praying to something that probably doesn’t exist isn’t going to help you at all. Now come over here and get some milk. I need to lay down, and you need your strength.”

He latched on to a nipple and went to town. While he was nursing, he saw the other deer limping away. His mom noticed him looking.

“That’s my twin.” She said “I love her, but I can’t handle her shit.”

Dean thought he understood. He loved his sister, but she never even talked to him. It’s not like he was going to miss her. He would just have to try and keep himself alive, and hopefully his mom too.

Dec 12

Dean

Chapter One – After Birth

The first thing Dean remembered was opening his eyes and feeling the sun’s warmth on his gloopy fur, while noisy things sped quickly by him and his mother. They were big things. Much bigger than him or his mom.

The second thing was his mom licking the rest of the amniotic fluid off of him. Dean didn’t know it was called amniotic fluid, I added that in there, because I do my research. There’s actually a lot of things that Dean doesn’t know, as he is a mule deer. I am just adding them in, because that’s what I do.

He tried to get up on his feet, because he felt it was expected of him. He was nervous about staggering around so close to those whizzing things, but something inside of him said that he had to learn to walk. It took him about three minutes, but he finally stood there on his shaky legs and tried a few steps.

He asked his mom what the giant things were, but she was laying back down and moving her legs around. Something was coming out of her, but it wasn’t afterbirth. Dean watched in horror for what seemed like ten minutes. It looked like a wetter, blacker version of Dean. Dean then realized that he was going to be a brother.

This was amazing news to him. He was going to have someone to learn about life with. Someone to frolic in the meadows and play little pranks on their mom with. Someone to help him track down their dad with. He must be around here somewhere, right?

As Dean watched his mom clean off his new sister, he felt at peace with the world. He couldn’t have been born on a warmer, sunnier day. Life was going to be good; he could feel it.

When his sister was all licked off, and was trying to get moving on her own, Dean watched his mom push out the placenta and then he asked her about the big whizzing things again.

“I don’t know what they are, but they mostly stay on those grey strips of land.” She explained.

“Can they hurt us?” Dean asked.

“Oh yes. I have seen them hurt many deer when they walk out on the grey strips of land. They are very hard to stop.”

“Then why would you give birth to your babies so close to the grey strip of land? That seems dangerous”

“There are many things that hurt us. Some of them, such as coyotes and bears, don’t like coming near the grey strips of land, because they get hurt too. We are very vulnerable at this time of year. I’m weak from giving birth, and you’re weak from just being born.”

Dean thought about it, and figured his mom was most likely right. She was probably two years older than him and had lived this long.

As Dean walked a little, and felt the strength coming into his legs and body, he grinned at his sister wobbling around. He went over and rubbed against her to give her a bit of support. He was glad that she had a big brother to lean on during these hard times and he wondered if he looked that funny when he was learning to walk.

He tried to communicate with her, as he did with their mother, but there wasn’t very much going on behind her glassy eyes. She just stared blankly at him.

Perhaps she just needed some time to adjust to her new life. After all, he was almost fifteen minutes older than her.

“Will she get smarter as she gets older?” Dean asked his mom.

“She might, but judging from the look in her eyes, she didn’t get enough air for her brain to fully develop. I think it happens sometimes with twins. Mine was like that too”

It was right about then that Dean noticed another fawn standing up a short distance away. Wow! there are more of us here. As his mother dozed off a bit, he tried to get the attention of the other deer, but there was a horrible noise beside them. By the time he noticed his sister it was too late. A whizzing thing smashed into her and she went sliding down the grey strip of land.

Dec 11

My Next Adventure

I’ve been thinking about writing a book for a long time now, but I’m quite lazy and become daunted by the thought of sitting down and writing a whole book at once.

So I figured that I would write it a chapter at a time on here. It would probably give me more incentive to actually do it, rather than drive around in a snowplow just thinking about for the next few months and forgetting about, like the rest of my great ideas.

Keep in mind that this will just be the rough draft, and that I am always open to constructive criticism, so if you see ways that I can improve, please let me know.

I’m on nights for the next month and a half, so this should help me use up some of my mornings that have been so far wasted on games and lounging.

If you find that you do enjoy the story, please subscribe to the blog so that you will get each chapter emailed to you. Then you don’t even have to click on the link or any other strenuous tasks.

Thanks,

Birdman

P.S. I also like to encourage sharing. It’s the selfish, narcissistic asshole in me.

Aug 30

Hey, Thanks A Bunch

(This is an almost exact replica of the post I put on Granola Light, but because some of the action comes from here, I thought it only fair to post one on Change The Topic too.)

I got a wonderful email today from Amazon.ca telling me that they had deposited a payment into our account. Wahoo!

As we’ve mentioned before, if you go through any Amazon link on this site and buy anything from Amazon within 24 hours of clicking through, we get a referral fee from Amazon.

You can learn more HERE.

Well, some of you have done this, and we just wanted to thank you for that.

It’s not going to make us rich or anything(unless we can get some of the sheep shagging crowd) , but if the monthly amounts keep going the way they have been, the money earned will be enough to pay the web hosting fees for the year.

That’s a nice savings, and it is appreciated. The way we look at it is that every little bit helps, and we don’t want to take anything for granted. I just wanted you to know that it means a lot to us, and the money is actually going somewhere that is really helping out.

So thank you. Thanks for clicking and putting a bit of dough back in our wallets, but most of all thanks for stopping by. We really love hearing from you, and because we are horrible at keeping in contact with our friends, this is generally the only way we do it.

Hopefully that doesn’t make us bad people, we just get caught up in life, and time gets away from us. It’s not that we don’t want to talk to anyone.

You understand, right Mom?

Anyhow, the soap, mealworms and the composting worms are doing fantastic, and the chickens are good too, but Red keeps laying eggs while roosting. I went out at about 5 AM and put her in a nesting box, and when I opened the coop at 7, she had a beautiful little egg that wasn’t smashed on the floor, so I will keep doing that until she learns, I guess.

We are also looking into black soldier fly larva, sprouting grains, and aquaponics for the future, so that’s pretty exciting. For me. I’m a real nerd when it comes to this stuff.

Birdman

Aug 22

Is Everybody Fucked?

wpid-mindofbirdman.jpg

You can take that question in a few different directions.

I look at the American elections, cringe, and ask myself if everybody is fucked in the head.

On one hand, you have a lying, orange, narcissist who absolutely cannot be trusted with the future of the country, but possibly will be, because of the other hand.

Over there sits a corrupt, lying, deceiver who also cannot be trusted with the future of the country.

I wish you had a third hand, America. You could put Jill Stein in it. I think Bernie Sanders would have been better, but he sold out and backed his party’s shitheel candidate. I think that Jill Stein is a better choice than either of the other two, but we all know that she hasn’t got a hope in hell of becoming the Chief Cook and Bottle Washer of that once great, and hopefully great once again, nation.

She just doesn’t have the backing of big business, or really anybody, other than some regular people who are fed up with all of the shit going on down there.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not just the States that are dealing with this shit, it’s just that they are in the limelight at the moment. We have our own highly corrupt bunch of talking suits here, as does almost every other “civilised” country on this once great planet, but right now, this buffonery is taking centre stage.

I really hope that something happens with the collective consciousness down there, and that somehow you can turn this shitshow around, because as your most Anglicized neighbours, we really want to be able to look to you for hope.

Hope to destroy the TPP, race wars, religious control of politicians, and all other forms of greed and corruption at all levels of government.

We would also like to see what freedom looks like again. We hope you can show us.

Which brings up another possible interpretation of the question:

Are we all fucked now? Is there any hope that the world will ever know peace? Is there a chance that we will ever be able to rid ourselves of the holier than thou image that most religions put in our heads?

I’m better than you, because my Bible tells me that I’m going to heaven. (Unless my god really can see inside my head, or what I did in Vegas last year.) All Muslims are filthy terrorists. Jews are trying to take over the world’s finances, and don’t even get me started on the gays. Why can’t they just go live on an island or stay in their closets? They’re an abomination in the eyes of the Lord.

To get the Muslim point of view, replace Bible with Quran, Muslims with Christians, terrorists with infidels, and the Lord with Allah.

You get the point.

Anyhow, I’m going to just keep building the chicken coop, tending to the worm farms and gardens, cuddling in with my baby at night, and hoping we wake up on Lasqueti Island.

It’s harder for The Man to find you there.

Peace