A bit of light reading

So Mrs. Birdman went to work tonight, because someone has to keep Daddy in pork rinds. This means I was home with the kiddies. Almost immediately the elder of the two buggered off to her friend’s house, so that left T and myself to fend for ourselves. After a makeshift supper, we settled in to what I had expected to be the last two chapters of Junie B. Jones forever. I was wrong. Did you know that there are at least fourteen of those little books? Jesus, I can’t stay awake that long. I wouldn’t mind so much if I was allowed to nap through it, because when she cuddles in for a read, and I hear her shaky, unsure voice, I just feel like all is right with my universe. That translates into me feeling quite safe, and napping just seems like the next logical step. Unfortunately, I heard a lot of “Are you sleeping?”, and then I wasn’t.

The eldest came home just a while ago, and wanted some cookies. I told her no, even though her sister was having some. I felt like a shit, but while she was gone I had emptied their lunch bags, and she had eaten the crackers, but nothing else. I told her that if she finished the fruit and yogurt, she could have some cookies, but no dice. I don’t know what to do in these situations, so I go with my gut. I know that my gut is usually wrong, but it’s the only thing I have to go with. After a few minutes she came out and asked me if I was mad at her for a completely unrelated incident, and I explained that I wasn’t mad, but I get upset because I don’t know how to explain to them the importance of not eating the crappy treats first, and then leaving all of the good food to rot. As her big eyes got bigger and shinier, I told her that I wasn’t angry, but I just didn’t know what to do. She walked away quietly, and went about her business.

Did I handle that properly? Probably not. I’m sure that studies will prove that I have scarred her emotionally for telling her that I was upset, because she knows that she’s the root of the situation. Mrs. B has explained several different things about the psyche of children to me, but I always have a hard time applying it. I’m going to go in now, and explain that no matter what they do, or how upset I get, that I will always love them, unconditionally.

I mean really, is this the worst thing that’s ever going to piss me off? I doubt it. They haven’t even started sneaking around with boys yet. This is just a minor glitch in an otherwise perfect system. Okay, I have to go talk to them.

(twenty minutes later)

Well, that actually went pretty well. I just explained that when I get upset, it’s only because I want what’s best for them, and that I don’t tell them that they can’t do, or have something, just to be mean. There was a lot of hugging and words, and I may have teared up a bit when they said I was their favourite too. (Don’t you judge me. I’m weak.)

The reason I did this, was because last week I saw firsthand what happens when a child looks up to you, and you treat them harshly, without explaining or apologizing for being short. (With them. I can’t help how I was born. Mom smoked and drank wine when she was pregnant with me.) I honestly had no idea that those children could think that I didn’t love them, just because I call them annoying, when I assumed that they were trying to be.

While I was telling them, that no matter how angry I may get, I will always love them more than anything. T pointed out that their mommy loves them like that. I told them that I already know, because she has told me that, lots of times. This brought out some smiles, and then we all hugged a bit more, and then I put the code for Netflix in for them, so they could watch iCarly for the fiftieth time.

I guess the thing that shocks me the most is that they can’t see how much I love them. Their mother picks up on it right away. I just assumed that there was an ethereal glow emanating from my being every time I come into contact with those that I love. Some people only get a bit, some get a lot, and a few get everything. These girls get  full power, at all times, so it seems odd that they can’t see it. I guess I’ll have to show them better than I do right now, because I don’t ever want them to feel unloved.They deserve better than that.

They deserve everything, really, and I’m going to make it my job to ensure that they don’t allow anyone to mistreat them, or their love. I know people will try, but if they love themselves, and know that we love them more than anything, they won’t be such easy prey for the Svengalis of the world. I’ve seen, way too many times, what people like that will do to a person’s self worth, happiness, and spirit. It’s not nice, and it makes it hard for that person to ever trust again.

In closing, I’d like to tell you to try and be gentle with people’s emotions. Even the ones who seem to take it like a champ. They might be just hiding behind their ever thickening armour, letting the hurt and rejection soak in and hardening them for the next person who wants to love them.

Broken hearts are hard to mend, I know I’ve had my share, but life just carries on, even when I’m not there,

Birdman

Now for the random question.

What was the drunkest you’ve ever been?

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15 thoughts on “A bit of light reading

  1. Drunkest ever- @Kellys, then walked to the Park..jumping up and ripping down any awning out along king st. Betting people in the washroom I could punch the paper towel dispenser off the wall with one shot ( I couldn’t, but it did come down). Then smashed the toilet into pieces… Doormen finally came in said I had to leave…I said nope, not until I find the girl I came with..so I wandered through the bar with with my entourage of doormen, bleeding. I wondered why they didn’t kick my ass and throw me out. Odd. Must’ve looked crazy.

    • You should be drawn and quartered for breaking a toilet to pieces. Some people need to poop when they drink, and it’s not nice to vomit in a garbage can. You need the feel of the cold porcelain on your chest.

  2. Drunkest! let me set the mood!
    Belleville, College, 1996!
    After Thursday night intermural hockey! Sponsored bu the Boo Club!
    drank sailors (molson ex) at lunch, after class, for supper and in the dressing room before the game! Put on an exceptional performance game, NOT! Probably fought on the ice, probably lost the fights!
    drank sailors after the game, lots and lots of sailors!
    Proceeded to said sponsored gentlemens club, drank sailors, enjoyed the “company”! Then proceeded to Cocoyo’s night club! more dancing, WAY more clothing! Tusseled on the dance floor with whoever was willing! Tusseled in the boys room in front of a bouncer – immediate eviction by the scruff of my neck! Too drunk to do ANYTHING, hail a cab, wait for friends, so i did what any intelligent student would do – decided to WALK on the back streets of a college town, DIRECTLY to a buddys house, 17 blocks away! I had to cross the train tracks, and in Belleville, they sprayed tar ALL OVER the track fence, rocks and surrounding area, to help persuade, the sober, daytime walking individuals, from crossing the areas! I was none of those things! climbed over the first 6′ chain link fence, no problem! Fell on rocks! stepped over the first set of tracks, stumbled ass over tea kettle on the second “hidden” tracks! repeat for third! attempted the same accend over the 6′ chain link Everest! Smooth landing was interupted by getting crotch of jeans hooked in top wire as i was releasing for the great escape! ripped crotch of jeans down to my knee, flipped me over and landed on my shoulder in the tar covered rocks….AGAIN!
    Smooth sailing here on in! What i think is a 20 min walk, turns out to be 3 hrs, all the boys are back at the shack, in bed, sound asleep! I knock, and knock till someone opens the door! Pure histerics! There i stand, covered in black tar – head to toe, pants ripped – almost completely off!
    Not fun at the time – quite funny now!
    Sorry it was long, thanks for making me think about it again!
    Gadget

  3. I have the greatest husband-to-be in the world, and my kids have the greatest future step dad. Thanks for being so fucking awesome that you have ruined it for all other contenders. 🙂 xo

    Now, my most recent drunkest escapade happened on a tropical destination, after a full day in the pool bar drinking ‘The Lady Especiale’. I wasn’t alone when I was rolling around on the cool, cement floor outside of our room, but at least I wasn’t the one wearing his wife’s purple negligee. 🙂

  4. Thanks, I have been trying to be a better dude over the years. I guess you aren’t giving up your drunkest story. That makes me sad.

  5. You are an amazing man. You will be an amazing husband and step dad. I know it. I can only hope to be the man you are when it finally happens.

    Drunkest ever?

    Grad night.

    All I really remember is a fire, lots of booze and waking up on the living room of my sister’s house.

    Oh. And being hunfover for 3 days.

  6. You sound like a really good dad to those girls. They may not see your glow now, but when they get older and look back at all the wonderful things you did for them “back then,” they’ll definitely know that the glow was there.

    • Thanks Missy. I really am trying to think differently than my father did. It’s not that he was mean, just indifferent. It didn’t help that I only saw him every couple of weeks either.

  7. Just reading this now.I wish I had had someone like you as a stepdad. Mine did OK in retrospect, or at least he’s doing fine now, but teenagehood was brutal. Didn’t help that he had his own kids my age. Always a comparison.
    As for the drunkest, it had to do with an alnighter of drinking followed with ‘skipping’ downtown to open up the bar. Definitely not my most shining moment, but a source of amusement for my girlfriend and I!

    • Thank you, Patti. I appreciate that. As for the not so shining moment, I have to tell you that it’s not so bad. I’ve seen far worse from myself. LOL

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