Dec 12

Dean

Chapter One – After Birth

The first thing Dean remembered was opening his eyes and feeling the sun’s warmth on his gloopy fur, while noisy things sped quickly by him and his mother. They were big things. Much bigger than him or his mom.

The second thing was his mom licking the rest of the amniotic fluid off of him. Dean didn’t know it was called amniotic fluid, I added that in there, because I do my research. There’s actually a lot of things that Dean doesn’t know, as he is a mule deer. I am just adding them in, because that’s what I do.

He tried to get up on his feet, because he felt it was expected of him. He was nervous about staggering around so close to those whizzing things, but something inside of him said that he had to learn to walk. It took him about three minutes, but he finally stood there on his shaky legs and tried a few steps.

He asked his mom what the giant things were, but she was laying back down and moving her legs around. Something was coming out of her, but it wasn’t afterbirth. Dean watched in horror for what seemed like ten minutes. It looked like a wetter, blacker version of Dean. Dean then realized that he was going to be a brother.

This was amazing news to him. He was going to have someone to learn about life with. Someone to frolic in the meadows and play little pranks on their mom with. Someone to help him track down their dad with. He must be around here somewhere, right?

As Dean watched his mom clean off his new sister, he felt at peace with the world. He couldn’t have been born on a warmer, sunnier day. Life was going to be good; he could feel it.

When his sister was all licked off, and was trying to get moving on her own, Dean watched his mom push out the placenta and then he asked her about the big whizzing things again.

“I don’t know what they are, but they mostly stay on those grey strips of land.” She explained.

“Can they hurt us?” Dean asked.

“Oh yes. I have seen them hurt many deer when they walk out on the grey strips of land. They are very hard to stop.”

“Then why would you give birth to your babies so close to the grey strip of land? That seems dangerous”

“There are many things that hurt us. Some of them, such as coyotes and bears, don’t like coming near the grey strips of land, because they get hurt too. We are very vulnerable at this time of year. I’m weak from giving birth, and you’re weak from just being born.”

Dean thought about it, and figured his mom was most likely right. She was probably two years older than him and had lived this long.

As Dean walked a little, and felt the strength coming into his legs and body, he grinned at his sister wobbling around. He went over and rubbed against her to give her a bit of support. He was glad that she had a big brother to lean on during these hard times and he wondered if he looked that funny when he was learning to walk.

He tried to communicate with her, as he did with their mother, but there wasn’t very much going on behind her glassy eyes. She just stared blankly at him.

Perhaps she just needed some time to adjust to her new life. After all, he was almost fifteen minutes older than her.

“Will she get smarter as she gets older?” Dean asked his mom.

“She might, but judging from the look in her eyes, she didn’t get enough air for her brain to fully develop. I think it happens sometimes with twins. Mine was like that too”

It was right about then that Dean noticed another fawn standing up a short distance away. Wow! there are more of us here. As his mother dozed off a bit, he tried to get the attention of the other deer, but there was a horrible noise beside them. By the time he noticed his sister it was too late. A whizzing thing smashed into her and she went sliding down the grey strip of land.

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Dec 11

My Next Adventure

I’ve been thinking about writing a book for a long time now, but I’m quite lazy and become daunted by the thought of sitting down and writing a whole book at once.

So I figured that I would write it a chapter at a time on here. It would probably give me more incentive to actually do it, rather than drive around in a snowplow just thinking about for the next few months and forgetting about, like the rest of my great ideas.

Keep in mind that this will just be the rough draft, and that I am always open to constructive criticism, so if you see ways that I can improve, please let me know.

I’m on nights for the next month and a half, so this should help me use up some of my mornings that have been so far wasted on games and lounging.

If you find that you do enjoy the story, please subscribe to the blog so that you will get each chapter emailed to you. Then you don’t even have to click on the link or any other strenuous tasks.

Thanks,

Birdman

P.S. I also like to encourage sharing. It’s the selfish, narcissistic asshole in me.

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Sep 13

Life Is Good. For Me.

Don’t you think?

Sure, sometimes things happen that make you get all mopey and shit, but all in all, I would say that I have been dealt a pretty decent hand.

I have a wife that I not only love, but like very much as well. My health is relatively good, I am usually employed, and I eat pretty well, as is evident by the shrinking pants episodes. Our soap is selling as fast as we can make it, two of the chickens are laying, and we were able to put enough worm compost in the gardens to completely rejuvenate the soil.

I did get laid off a few weeks ago, but as I was filling out my unemployment forms online, a company that I used to work for called to see if I was available, and they will work around my schedule, so that’s extremely helpful. We were also able to get out a couple of times on the quad, and down to Jasper for a little R&R this summer.

Like I said, it’s been pretty good for us.

Too bad it doesn’t go this well for everyone.

Some of you may remember a little spat that was going on in a game I play. I’m not going to link it, because the party involved seems to think that it is a fan page dedicated to him. Anyhow, after letting a few things slip about how they are keeping up with my blogs, I started to get a bit worried that maybe the line had been crossed from the game into personal life. I backed off of conversing in the game, as I should have done from the start, but by now there were more people harassing and abusing me in the game, so I decided to throw caution to the wind.

Bad choice on my part.

Yesterday, one or more of those players started leaving harassing comments on our business website. The first one I played off, as they left a crude, fake email address, and used one of the players from the other team as a user name.

I changed the email, and the name, but left the comment up, because I thought that it might have been a one off, and decided to have a bit of fun with it.

Another bad choice.

Today, I received three more comments with similar messages, falsified emails, and user names.

The three today were sent from the same IP address, which is a Telus address, but the one yesterday was from an Xplornet IP. Do I call the police with them, even though there has been no threats? Normally I would just duke it out on the battlefield, but I have a family now, and other people to worry about.

I have seen them personally attack others in the game, but as far as I knew, it was only in the game. Now it has become malicious in real life and is attempting to attack a part of our livelihood, and who knows what else.

I guess I should at least mention it to the RCMP, in case it escalates further and they can at least have a history of what’s been happening.

I should have just listened to my wife and ignored all of this, but how was I to know that an adult might have so little to do with their time, that this seems like a viable pastime?

Birdman

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Aug 30

Hey, Thanks A Bunch

(This is an almost exact replica of the post I put on Granola Light, but because some of the action comes from here, I thought it only fair to post one on Change The Topic too.)

I got a wonderful email today from Amazon.ca telling me that they had deposited a payment into our account. Wahoo!

As we’ve mentioned before, if you go through any Amazon link on this site and buy anything from Amazon within 24 hours of clicking through, we get a referral fee from Amazon.

You can learn more HERE.

Well, some of you have done this, and we just wanted to thank you for that.

It’s not going to make us rich or anything(unless we can get some of the sheep shagging crowd) , but if the monthly amounts keep going the way they have been, the money earned will be enough to pay the web hosting fees for the year.

That’s a nice savings, and it is appreciated. The way we look at it is that every little bit helps, and we don’t want to take anything for granted. I just wanted you to know that it means a lot to us, and the money is actually going somewhere that is really helping out.

So thank you. Thanks for clicking and putting a bit of dough back in our wallets, but most of all thanks for stopping by. We really love hearing from you, and because we are horrible at keeping in contact with our friends, this is generally the only way we do it.

Hopefully that doesn’t make us bad people, we just get caught up in life, and time gets away from us. It’s not that we don’t want to talk to anyone.

You understand, right Mom?

Anyhow, the soap, mealworms and the composting worms are doing fantastic, and the chickens are good too, but Red keeps laying eggs while roosting. I went out at about 5 AM and put her in a nesting box, and when I opened the coop at 7, she had a beautiful little egg that wasn’t smashed on the floor, so I will keep doing that until she learns, I guess.

We are also looking into black soldier fly larva, sprouting grains, and aquaponics for the future, so that’s pretty exciting. For me. I’m a real nerd when it comes to this stuff.

Birdman

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Aug 22

Is Everybody Fucked?

wpid-mindofbirdman.jpg

You can take that question in a few different directions.

I look at the American elections, cringe, and ask myself if everybody is fucked in the head.

On one hand, you have a lying, orange, narcissist who absolutely cannot be trusted with the future of the country, but possibly will be, because of the other hand.

Over there sits a corrupt, lying, deceiver who also cannot be trusted with the future of the country.

I wish you had a third hand, America. You could put Jill Stein in it. I think Bernie Sanders would have been better, but he sold out and backed his party’s shitheel candidate. I think that Jill Stein is a better choice than either of the other two, but we all know that she hasn’t got a hope in hell of becoming the Chief Cook and Bottle Washer of that once great, and hopefully great once again, nation.

She just doesn’t have the backing of big business, or really anybody, other than some regular people who are fed up with all of the shit going on down there.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not just the States that are dealing with this shit, it’s just that they are in the limelight at the moment. We have our own highly corrupt bunch of talking suits here, as does almost every other “civilised” country on this once great planet, but right now, this buffonery is taking centre stage.

I really hope that something happens with the collective consciousness down there, and that somehow you can turn this shitshow around, because as your most Anglicized neighbours, we really want to be able to look to you for hope.

Hope to destroy the TPP, race wars, religious control of politicians, and all other forms of greed and corruption at all levels of government.

We would also like to see what freedom looks like again. We hope you can show us.

Which brings up another possible interpretation of the question:

Are we all fucked now? Is there any hope that the world will ever know peace? Is there a chance that we will ever be able to rid ourselves of the holier than thou image that most religions put in our heads?

I’m better than you, because my Bible tells me that I’m going to heaven. (Unless my god really can see inside my head, or what I did in Vegas last year.) All Muslims are filthy terrorists. Jews are trying to take over the world’s finances, and don’t even get me started on the gays. Why can’t they just go live on an island or stay in their closets? They’re an abomination in the eyes of the Lord.

To get the Muslim point of view, replace Bible with Quran, Muslims with Christians, terrorists with infidels, and the Lord with Allah.

You get the point.

Anyhow, I’m going to just keep building the chicken coop, tending to the worm farms and gardens, cuddling in with my baby at night, and hoping we wake up on Lasqueti Island.

It’s harder for The Man to find you there.

Peace

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